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ex wife''s treatment of new partner

  • flowerofscotland
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23 Jun 12 #338564 by flowerofscotland
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hawaythelads wrote:

.

People really don''t give a flying feck about morals they are more interested in free beer and a burger that''s how deep the moral fibre of this country actually runs.

HRH


HRH thanks...I always knew that my house was more of a meeting ground for all the hanger ons...because of all the free Michelin starred scran, champagne, beers and vino....For me this makes a whole lot of sense! LOL

Hi jellybean,

My STBX tried so hard to ''justify'' his adultery by telling the whole world ''the marriage was over anyway''. I still to this day can not get my head around this, but I have tried to see things from his point of view. I had my sh!t going on and he had his, the sorry state of affairs that we now find ourselves in could have been avoided by good communication, instead of screaming matches and arguments. I never lost sight of my love for my STBX, regardless of how imperfect my marriage was. The problem lay in our inability to communicate and my own failure at digging my head in the sand.

I am not in any way shape or form Ever going to accept the way my STBX treated me, but I have realised that he had moved on in his head months prior to me realising what was really going on....I think in this case you are the same. You had moved on emotionally from your wife, OW only a symptom of this, but the difference is you forgot to tell your wife in the process...she will always be playing catch up. This is something the dumper never ever understands as they go charging off into the sunset, but somehow can not get their head around why the dumpee is so bereft, upset, grief stricken....etc etc

You mention a lot about her ''failures'' in your marriage, but like many men (and women) in your shoes, you do not seem to have mentioned any of yours.

Nobody here there or anywhere is perfect..nobody. It is just that you can not ''understand'' your wife''s attitude or behaviour because by now you think ''she should be over you''. Well let me tell you it is clear you have scarred her for life, as some hurts just run too deep...(my favourite saying, I know). For the sake of your child, try and see things from your X''s point of view, walk in her shoes for a bit and maybe by actually coming together and giving her the ''apology'' that she is seeking, just the two you you sitting down together, can find a way to make your new lives work.

Your X, by rushing into a new relationship too soon after your departure, I think you mentioned 2 months, has only patched up her hurt, she has not allowed herself the time and space to come to terms and that is why she may be so bitter. From one frying pan into another, so to speak, is not healthy for anyone.

Take care for now FoS x
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  • mumtoboys
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23 Jun 12 #338569 by mumtoboys
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Haway - you seriously need to consider re-training in psychology....the world would be a better place for it, I''m sure!
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  • julie321
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23 Jun 12 #338580 by julie321
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It is three years for me and I will never accept the OW. Never will I be in her company and both my adult children feel the same. My son met her once but feels she is not the sort of person he is comfortable with, my daughter is not interested in meeting her at all.

I have no contact with stbx either at her request so we could not be amicable for the sake of the children if we wanted to.

These women or men for that matter care not what they do to other people as long as they get what they want.

I have no respect for stbx now as all he does is continue to embarrass himself in the eyes of me and his kids.

Nothing will change how I feel about this and there is nothing he could do to help so I suggest you concentrate on your daughter and leave your stbx well alone, you are only rubbing salt in the wound.
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  • hattiedaw
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23 Jun 12 #338599 by hattiedaw
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What an emotive subject this is!
From a personal point of view and also from people I know I dont think the cheated on ever fully recover.
It changes them as people. Do they ever trust again? Especially in situations where they thought their marriages and relationships were ok.
My friend equates having to face her ex at handovers of their children for contact with him as "being raped". This may sound a bit OTT but he went off skipping and smiling, into his new ready made life with a younger woman, no kids as ties, no regard for what he was leaving behind and gloated about it (whether this was intentional or whether he was just so, so happy he couldnt contain himself I dont know).
She, however was left in a state of shock and utterly bereft and frightened beyond anything I''ve witnessed before.
No longer did she have any help in the home, domestic or with the kids, she had to do it all herself.
So, whereas her ex would bath the kids and put them to bed while she made the evening meal. Where her ex would take kids to park so she could do the cleaning, where she could pop out to a friends for a cuppa of an evening for a change of scene and some time out...she didnt have that anymore.
She had to get a job, she had all the cleaning to do herself, all the bathtimes, all the meals to prepare and, as she had no family nearby cabin fever and utter lonliness in the evenings (which is when minds start to wander anyway).
It was awful to witness and I seriously worried for her sanity, her ex and OW thought nothing of telling her they wouldnt be seeing the kids for weeks on end as they were off on sunshine holidays while she couldnt afford nappies for the baby!
This kind of hurt doesnt go away...it festers...not healthy but brought on solely by the disrespect of being cheated on!
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  • flowerofscotland
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23 Jun 12 #338605 by flowerofscotland
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Hi hattiedaw,

That is sad. But, there are many here who had husbands/wives who never did anything in the home anyway. Working, looking after the children, all the domestic chores and the list goes on....my STBX was a useless packet...didn''t even know what a kitchen was for! Many of us have had to juggle it all before, during and after their departures.

I will never forget when I had just given birth to me second child and had just left the hospital...my eldest was only 17 months and just walking...my STBX took off on the train without as much a backward glance for a boys and their toys weekend, not giving two hoots that I was just out of hospital. Left me all by myself with a new born and a toddler. I should have realised then what a waster he was!

Your friend sounds as if she was better off than some during her marriage, from what you say at least he took the kids to the park and put them to bed. More than some did.....

Take care for now FoS x
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  • hattiedaw
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24 Jun 12 #338691 by hattiedaw
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Yes FoS - but he did those things (bathtimes and park) reluctantly and when he''d finish he''d dissapear into his study to play war games on the XBox!
She has older kids too and he had nothing to do with them.
Your story about just having given birth takes me back to when she had the youngest child. Her ex brought her and baby back home and promptly fell asleep while she had to wash her own soiled clothes from hospital bag and make a meal for the older kids (as they were nothing to do with him - he said).
She would have to "book him" a few days in advance to take kids to the park and regarding bathing the kids, well, this man loves his food more than most and knew that if he didnt bath the babies that dinner would be on the table an hour later!!
He genuinely was not a nice person.
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  • itsfinallyover
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24 Jun 12 #338694 by itsfinallyover
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In my opinion, although we have all been scarred by the emotional turmoil of being lied to and cheated on by the ex, if we look at it in a clinical way, we are all well better off without these waste of space oxygen thieves in our lives.

As for their pathetic excuses with regards to the wellbeing of their children, well they were certainly not thinking about that when they were having affairs and lying through their teeth to their partner, then they have the nerve to make excuses for their behaviour making it ''it''s all your fault I did that''. They have more excuses than O J Simpson. These type of people all have the same modus operandi and they all deserve each other as they have the conscience of a chainsaw.

The majority of posts on this site could have all been written by one person as they are all so similar which just goes to prove my theory, they are a lot of lying, cheating good for nothings out in society with their morals in the gutter.
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