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Going Backwards

  • fairylandtime
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23 Jun 12 #338626 by fairylandtime
Topic started by fairylandtime
Today I feel I am going backwards, so posting on here - sorry :(

Why do I feel that, I am not sure several things & I don''t know which one bothers me most tbh.

I am skint, basically & leant my eldest some money which he now tells me he cannot pay back till after payday next week, so am propper skint & know I shouldn''t have leant eldest any money as he is not controlling his spending ...

I am wounding if I have over committed myself with a loan & the morg in order to sort out the debt I took from my exh, & it''s really annoying me that on paper I should be ok but in practice I am not! But then I didnt really take into consideration other bits; I.e. kids need clothes, eat too much etc etc :(

Also have put weight on (at last, but now too much!) & am struggling with a diet, lost so much weight I thought I''d nev have to diet again but heyho.

Plus & this might be the actual main problem, exh is moving today, when he moved to where he lived 1st I did think it was too close but tbh at least it meant kids could go at any time & be close to home if wanted to come home. Now x moving in with parents, which is a lot further away, & potentially will stop any overnights. I am sad for kids as (when he was there at first they hardly saw him & I expect this to be the same), & bring selfish here I know I will now have to travel further to drop off / pick up ( exh never does) & never get a break either.

Nothing I can do about any of these me thinks, which make me feel even more fed up:(

Sorry to moan, in the scheme of things for others I know this is trivial but I just thought things would ease a bit once all sorted & tbh they don''t do they :(


  • MrsMathsisfun
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23 Jun 12 #338627 by MrsMathsisfun
Reply from MrsMathsisfun
I can understand exactly where you are coming from.

My ex stopped paying cm when the youngest was 18 and hasnt helped out financially since. On paper I should easily be able to continue supporting them, but in reality there is always to much month left at the end of the money.

Its hard being a single parent and some days you just feel that you dont get any breaks.

And the rain doesnt help.

Remember you did what you thought was right and it will work out. In the great scheme of things money doesnt really matter.

  • fairylandtime
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23 Jun 12 #338629 by fairylandtime
Reply from fairylandtime
Thanks Mathisfun

I know really that money is not the be all & end all, but was living under the impression I had sorted myself out (on paper yes ... But in practice).

As well as this, I always wanted to ensure kids maintained a good relationship with their farther & now am worried that will disappear, last time he was at parents ... because of no overnight stays, because they were teenagers (& have a life lol u know what I mean) & because it was me that had to do all the pick ups / drop offs when I could (with work & other commitments difficult sometimes) they hardly saw him. Am worried that this will happen again & there is nothing I can do about it (again) but just watch the distance grow, youngest desperatley needs a male role model (exh is not the best anyway, but better than none I supose) :(


  • Gloriasurvive
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23 Jun 12 #338635 by Gloriasurvive
Reply from Gloriasurvive
It is such an uphill struggle and we don''t seem to ever get a break.
I had to borrow money from my 74y.o pensioner mother! to help sort out the mess my OH left us in. It is still a mess and the bills mount up.
OH took son out for first time this week and son came back full of it on how much money his dad had in his wallet and how is house was lush and was done up really awesome!!!
I just felt so, so frustrated and sorry for myself and the kids!
I bet if we were minted we could get over this a lot quicker as we could go for pamper days and would not feel anger and resentment at the mess we have been left in.
Money does count when your X walks out on you, it counts a great deal.

Sorry my reply not very helpful, but at least you know you are not alone in how you are feeling.
Heres to one of us winning the lottery tonight!

  • Martboy2012
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23 Jun 12 #338636 by Martboy2012
Reply from Martboy2012
Hi JJ,

Guess what, same as me, every bloody month it works out paper and the BINGO, skint again. We could spend our whole life worrying about the the fiscal god, but at the end of the day you must be doing something right as you are still going!! and as they say "Practice makes perfect" and I am getting a lot of finacial practice :laugh:
You say YOU wanted the kids to have a good relationship with their father, but what does your x say? What do your kids say? If they want it, they will get it. He needs to apply himself as well. It is too easy to let someone else do all the running and that can lead to a feeling of unfairness..
My brother and I grew up without any male role model so to speak, we ran wild for a little, but when we realised the grief we caused our mum - we stopped. I am an IT analyst in the city and my brother is co-partner in a multimedia company, mum did OK, as I am sure you will ;)
Take care.

  • fairylandtime
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23 Jun 12 #338637 by fairylandtime
Reply from fairylandtime

Yes it''s true, my x walked away from ALL responsibility, not that he had much financial responsibility anyway even had to pay his bills for first 3 months before these were sorted & taken / repaid.

Don''t do the lottery, perhaps I should (?) now it cannot be taken from me like everything else (bitter today sorry)

x is always cring the poor tale, to the point I nearly (say nearly so I am getting better at standing up for myself) told x to stop paying CSA, not that I would have been able to afford not to recieve this but because I felt sorry for him. But, when you work out disposable income mine is 3% & his was 30% but should be considerably more now :(


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