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I''m ''yo-yo''ing by the hour. Any advice?

  • Now Gone From Wiki
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04 Jul 12 #341231 by Now Gone From Wiki
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I am right at the start of what is likely to be a long and rather aggressive journey initiated by my wife. We haven''t been communicating well for a while, me because I am worried about money and she because, well, she struggles to communicate.

Having left me she has cut off communications completely and also won''t tell me where my son (11) is. She is keeping him from school at present.

My problem is that my emotions swing so wildly from optimism and energy for the future to deepest (and I mean deepest) despair. It is incredibly tiring but great for weight loss as I can''t eat and am struggling to sleep.

Does anyone have any hints and tips on coping with these swings? I have friends who can help (I am sure I am boring them silly at present) and some family (Nieces and indeed my mother in law) but none have experienced what I am going through.

  • Cheyenne L
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05 Jul 12 #341272 by Cheyenne L
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Hi Mark,

I am sorry you are feeling that way. I am pretty much going through a wide range of emotions myself.

Try to take a small step at a time, distract yourself with anything possible whenever you feel any negative feelings coming on. It is still very early days for you, and with things being so unsettled and uncertain, it is no doubt you will be going through the mood swings.

This site is also good for support, and I find it helpful to speak to people who understand the panic and despair I feel. I know what you mean by the other people not being able to understand at times, and really we can''t blame them, can we? We know they are patient and tried their best, but it is never the same unless one has been through the same thing.

Do PM me if you like, please take care of yourself for now.

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05 Jul 12 #341285 by onedaymaybe
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A

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05 Jul 12 #341306 by Now Gone From Wiki
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Thanks both. I was amazed at the sense of relief I felt when I found this site. There is something extremely comforting in knowing that you are not alone in the pain that you are suffering. I am also pleased to know that there is life after this low point in my life. I still don''t know where they are (my wife and son) but it is good to know where all of you are.

  • Martboy2012
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05 Jul 12 #341310 by Martboy2012
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Hey Mark,
Sorry to hear your post mate!!
I agree it must be hard with no contact with your son, although perhaps no contact with the wife may be a blessing in disguise as I kept breaking down when I saw her, this made me appear weak and that''s when the "knives" came out...One thing I have learnt in the four months since "Hellday" is that you have to appear strong and coping and they wonder why!!
With me, in the very early days, I just kept tidying up, moving stuff to where I wanted, getting rid of any c**p that I felt should go, almost trying to stamp my authority on the place with the view that this is "what I want" and not what she wants!!
Also, I found that working out/exercise released some of the negative energy and made me feel more of a "man" rather than the emasculated idiot I was!!
Your emotions will swing from one extreme to another as your mind tries to adjust to this situation, but talk/talk/talk, even if it is to yourself - it''s a release you need, it needs to come out rather than stay in your head where it just rots away!!
This site is fantastic, and full of people whom are aware of how you are feeling, what you have/are gone/going through and they will help you, as they have helped me.
You have to put yourself first now, and get both mentally and physically better for your son!!
Take care mate
Martboy...

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05 Jul 12 #341312 by Marshy_
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Hi Mark...

Mark6138 wrote:

. I still don''t know where they are (my wife and son) but it is good to know where all of you are.


I am with you bro. And I know what its like to be where you are. Same with all of the vics here.

I can tell you a couple of things. If you have huge weight loss, then that means you are running on adrenaline and you are severalty anxious. That is totally normal BTW.

I can perhaps help you to sleep. And kill the adrenaline. Use the classic relaxation technique. Breath in... Hold yr breath.... Breath out v e r y slowly. Do this a few times and you will feel yrself relax. Do this just before trying to get some sleep or when you feel anxious.

The thing with adrenaline fuelled anxiety is that it makes everything go at 110 MPH. Yr metabolism will be running hard and you will be super alert. Its also bad for your heart to run this hard. But it cant and wont last. And you will just crash. So try the technique I described and that will help you.

Apart from that, there isnt a lot any of us can do for you. And I cant add anything to what the others have said. This is a phase you have to go thru and you will come out the other side.

I am sorry about yr ex taking yr son from you. This has to be a temporary measure. No way can she do this forever. Keep the faith. Everything is going to be ok in the end. C.

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05 Jul 12 #341314 by Now Gone From Wiki
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I am dreading the arrival of the first solicitors letter. Part of the problem is that I don''t know if this is a ''blip'' or ''the end''. Because she won''t communicate I am in limbo being neither dead nor alive. Still, as you say it cannot last forever even if it feels like it. In regards to weight loss I could do with losing a bit anyway.....

Thanks again.

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