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  • Kitsi
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07 Jul 12 #341644 by Kitsi
Topic started by Kitsi
Today would have been our 12th wedding anniversary. Some people who still didn''t know sent cards here and I had to deal with that. We have had first court hearing and H actaully requested with less than 48 hours notice if he could come here TODAY and pick up the rest of his things and his Lotus sports car
He always was an insensitive cuss but that took the biscuit. I said no, was busy
Have been trying to stay busy and seeing friends. Asked one male friend what I could do to improve. Lose weight he said- he is right but he sat there smugly, beer belly bulging and I hurt.
Do men not think of these events as we do?
This time last year h and I went out for dinner and he bought champagne and was loving. Following week I found out he was having affair- had been for ages- and she was my best friend.
He left just before Christmas.
I don''t know what to do to mark the day - have others found it helped to just ignore it? I used to have a £90k a year job, was slim and bright. I am now fifty two, three stone overwight and no job at all. I am dealing with Dad''s dementia and the stress of filing one of our businesses for insolveney as well as dealing with all the flood damahe to this house and his lawyers demands for updates on the inusrance like I am some sort of unpaid PA. Could I just refuse to di it so he had to do something?
Actually I think I would have left me.

  • Nigella19
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07 Jul 12 #341645 by Nigella19
Reply from Nigella19
Hang on in there Kitsi, you are having a low moment and you will ride this feeling out. Dont let yourself spiral down. I have slid back many times for various reasons such as the one you describe. Your last sentence is not to be dwelled on - you are going to be better and stronger than ever but it all takes time. Best wishes, Nige.

  • wmorris2
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07 Jul 12 #341646 by wmorris2
Reply from wmorris2

I am as low as I can be right now. I am going through exactly what you are. For me health has gone downhill. lost job, lost house, ex stabbing me at every turn.

I had to block it all out - even kids birthdays because I know ill never see them again. It''s hard as hell I know.

If you want to talk I am here. I''m up most nights till around 5-6am so if you can''t sleep im here ok?

be Strong xx (says the guy who just phoned the samartians)

  • hawaythelads
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07 Jul 12 #341649 by hawaythelads
Reply from hawaythelads

It''s just another day like any other.
It really is.
It''s all just time passing.
The best thought that I have in my armourey is
It adapts to any given situation.

All the best
HRH xx

  • fairylandtime
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07 Jul 12 #341654 by fairylandtime
Reply from fairylandtime

My first wedding and after x left (20 yrs) I was like you quite sad & overwhelmed by it all.
Rose tinted spectacles of what could of been, but you know what ... What I was thinking could have been would never of been because x just wasn''t like that it took me till the second anv (21 yr) & not yet divorced to I reflected for the day, truthfully ... & basically, having moved though loads of shxte from the divorce etc ect & moved on in my own mind, spent the day thanking my luck stars that I was single. It was a great day, didn''t even realise it was my Anv until late at night & it was a ... Oh it was my Anv today brief thought.

It does get better, it is a long road 1st & we have to take of the rose tinted (what could have been) specticles but you will get there & be a lot stronger in the process.

Don''t be down, another chapter is opening & you will get though this.


  • funtimes
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07 Jul 12 #341658 by funtimes
Reply from funtimes

I''m crap at this. I hardly ever stop by but now and again take a quick look.

Well done for calling the samaritans. For me the jury''s still out on whether it really does get better but plenty say it does so it''s worth hanging round to check. Even if only to p**s the ex off ;)

  • Margot123
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07 Jul 12 #341659 by Margot123
Reply from Margot123

Dealing with wedding anniversaries/birthdays (or any “life event” that bring on memories and consequently self inspection) etc.... are always difficult in the beginning but I am sure it will be a very very different emotion next year. As for your x having an affair with your best friend is obviously a “double” deceit – I caught my ex by total accident in the premise of what, probably, would have led to an affair, this was many years ago and I know that I felt more betrayed by my friend than my ex...

Unless he was being sarcastic, I am not sure your male friend is the right person to be around right now........Yes, in the world we live in, physical appearance is important (but I am more referring to the employment world here...not “romantic” relationships) but at this moment in time, try to forget what he said – very very difficult I know. You have far more urgent and important things to be dealing with...

My circumstances are/were very very different from you but nevertheless I was, not that long ago, in a very bad place (not sure I would be here if it wasn’t for the fact that I have a child) but what did help me focus on life was reading the pages of that person - justoneminute.net/archive/ . I was totally centred on myself and my emotions (completely unaware of it tho...and I don’t know how I kept my job) and by picking certain pages and try to apply them to my life, slowly, it worked for me. Clearly for you, along with yourself, your dad is your priority...isn’t any help (emotional) available for close relatives of dementia sufferers? Maybe ask yours or his GP.

As for your ex picking up his belongings....sorry I am going to be a little harsh here, but IT WILL help you move on....I so wish mine did, I have asked him for months to move his stuff...I guess the end of the relationship is reflecting exactly what it has always been...I am going to have to pack it all myself and store them out the way...I did everything for him for over 20 yrs.....

I realise that everyone is different but for me it was just that: one step at a time, slowly but surely as they say...it will take time but it will get better and you’ll find that the road ahead – even if a little bumpy at times – will be a bright and wonderful one.....admittedly, I am not at that stage yet but I do know now that it will be one day, it just taking the time it needs to take and I accept that.

Good luck ((()))
C x

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