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depression for me and my soon to be ex husband

  • Himalaya
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11 Jul 12 #342633 by Himalaya
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while i was very depressed when my husband suudenly abandoned me and my children and never came back ..i called his phone ateast 100 times a day rang friends family and then over few months accepted the fact the marriage was over sadly i was suicidal and very depressed still am but not suicidal any more ... he has now turned round and resigned from his job saying he is depressed and unfit to work and its because of me i have pushed hime to limit ..now i am staying in a tiny apartment with my two kids and their dad doesnt even see them despite of my several request to him to see the children ...i dont know what have i done to desrve this and even worst why are my children being made to suffer ...he doesnt pay any money and i still dont stop him from seing the children ...or shall i say he has decided to erase even the children as his past

  • humdrum
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11 Jul 12 #342636 by humdrum
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My sympathies. I too have suffered depression made worse by the behaviour of my stbx only to here him try to defend himself in court by claiming to be depressed!!!!!
Anyway, try to stay strong for your kids. If they can see that you can make something positive out of your current situation, they will be more positive and adapt more quickly, even to the absence of their Dad. Wish you well.

  • Stingrayj
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11 Jul 12 #342637 by Stingrayj
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I can only give you a big (((((Himalaya)))) hug. Please don''t feel that this is anything you have done to deserve this. You have done nothing to deserve this. It''s the classic blame the innocent party thing that the guilty ones do.
Stay strong and never accept any blame for what he has done to you and your children xx

  • jar of hearts
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12 Jul 12 #342645 by jar of hearts
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Depression is a horrible deep dark pit to be in, and trying to cope in your circumstances as well really doesn''t help. Take it from me though that you are a very strong woman who is coping amazingly with a bad situation, by keeping things together for your children. Recovery from depression is like climbing up a steep slippery bank where you cling on and crawl up a little only to slip back, but take from someone who has been there several times eventually your grip improves and you make it up onto the top and find yourself in the sunshine again. The fact that you are hanging on in there and crawling up says a lot about you. Your stbx, however, is just allowing himself to slide down the slope to the bottom and is trying to justify it by saying that you have a long pole and are pushing him. Don''t listen, it is his choice and his life and if he wants to throw it down the pan there is nothing you can do about it. Certainly don''t blame yourself for his actions - he chose to leave you and his children - he chooses not to see his children - he chooses not to contribute to your childrens upbringing - he now chooses not to work.

There is lots of help out there to support you through your depression and I hope you are getting it. You need to be receiving counselling as well as medication, although you often have to fight for it when you feel least like fighting. Try womens groups, MIND and other mental health groups if you cannot access things through your GP or psychiatrist.

Please don''t feel guilty or responsible for the actions of your stbx, as he is either A)fully aware of what he is doing and playing a sick game (been on the receiving end so I know it happens) or B)ill and unaware of the result of his choices. Either way, you are not responsible and also sadly can do nothing to improve things for him or yourself by trying. You and the children need to be your focus and you need to think positively (as much as you are able) about the small steps you take up that slippery bank, but also don''t beat yourself up on the days when you slip back.

Stay strong. (((((Big hugs)))))

  • sim5355
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12 Jul 12 #342651 by sim5355
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hi! i would like to give you big hugs because it is lonely but like everybody else said concentrate on you and your children they need you and they need you to be positive.I know that''s difficult when sometimes you just want to stay in bed and never see the world but you have to for them.Small steps .

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