Emotional Abuse

Yummy_Mummy wrote:

The problem is that these people who psychologically abuse do not believe that they have done anything wrong.
It is their belief system and they have learnt it. And some cases they are encouraged (like my ex was encouraged by his family and praised).

They like audience because of power and thats a reason where victims like us will feel even more isolated as they potray a diferent picture of themselves._ Mummy

This is spot on: you can''t reason with someone who honestly believes they are 100% in the right, and surround themselves with sycophants who will massage their ego when requested....

Well this is pretty much what my STBX has done.

None of them have ever asked me my side of things.

It was said in the Sci-fi series Babylon 5 that "Understanding is a three edged sword. There is your side. Their side. And the truth."

If all you hear is one side then your opinion becomes biased. I know all you people here are only hearing my side of things, but I am trying not to stray from the facts. I simply try to present them as they happened without putting any spin on it.

I will let you judge for yourselves.

I hate this thread. It''s all so true, and so familiar.

I hope that family law will catch up with how these people use the law for huge personal gain. Within two weeks of getting married, my new wife said to me "This is great. What''s mine is mine, and what''s yours is mine."

I stuck it out for over 8 years while doing all the childcare, because, as many victims understand, it will get better. It has to, because it isn''t making sense.

But it doesn''t does it?

You just lose loads of your pre-marital assets in a divorce court, in order to get away to safety, and to try to rebuild your life.

The only consolation is that at least my children had a good start in life, and I hope I can see them enough to break the cycle of abuse so prevalent in the stbx''s family.

I found this page very helpful to understand what I was, and still am, going through;

www.bullyonline.org/stress/ptsd.htm

It explains so much about why we realise too late what we are going through, and why there is so much anger after the event, or the realisation of the event.

I do have a question. My sister in law is, and has been for years, foul to her husband. Very openly. Do I interfere for his sake, or ignore the issue because ''it''s none of my business''?

Interfere discretely!

On second thoughts, is his welfare your responsibility? If you go in as a rescuer, be aware of the drama triangle- rescuer, victim and (?)abuser(?). Roles have a tendency to switch. Read up on transactional analysis.

I love it when people resurrect these older posts cos I get so much good info. I might otherwise have missed - Thanks Ignatz.

Some terrific info on this one by HHHippo, including some good references to other info on the web.

Nige.

It amazes me how many of us have been through this and how we can all relate.
I remember the first time my ex pushed me I landed on a workshop half my leg was black....I begged him to take me to hospital which he did then just said call me when your done.
It''s strange when I look back now and slowly think about everything he''s done and said I think I should of got out sooner and why didn''t I...because I loved him.
I think the mental abuse is worse...he told me I would never be happy when I had just lost my mum....but the worst thing is when you get abuse from his family too.I got called an unfit mother by his mother because I was a working mum....and when I just had his daughter his mother said that we shouldn''t get married...we did but as far as my mum tried to involve them....they didn''t seem interested..From that point I wasn''t treated or invited to family dos...or even treated like the other sister in laws....infact my father in law didn''t even attend my parents funeral and my mother in law only attended my mum''s just for the service.
For the last 3 year''s before we split my ex used to shout at me for the smallest thing...one time I was 30 mins late for something.
My in laws as well never helped us as a couple but as soon as we split gave my ex a deposit for a house...makes you wonder how I managed