I read this thread from beginning to end.
I then went for a walk after a difficult discussion with three of my four children who are almost grown up (all over 19yrs)
I am trying to accommodate all their needs in the decision of where to move to once the divorce is over.
The eldest said I was talking "boll***s" when I said it would be difficult for me to stay anywhere near my ex., and all the ex patients of mine that I would meet . I said I could perhaps have my children do most of the shopping to avoid this , to keep the youngest(14yrs) at his current school.
The eldest replied that "I am working, the other two will be at Uni, so you''re going to take the youngest out of school to do your shopping for you?"
I was horrified that he could say this. I have made soo many sacrifices to prioritise my children''s education ( this eldest went to Oxford from mainstream school)
But what to do!?
I came back and re-read the last few entries.
I will be stronger and demand some rights for myself.
I will look at all this from a fresh angle. Maybe for the first time ever I may put my needs forward as having at least SOME priority.
I have always put myself last.
My younger children''s needs will still be first on the list. They have only me to look to for security and as the one person in the world who loves and cares for them unconditionally .
I was primed for someone like my ex due to my mother treating me like sh*t on her shoe from the time I grew up.
I married when I was lonely , unhappy and had no family to turn to. He "rescued" me. Frying pan to fire.
But I must, stand up, dust myself down, dig out that dormant sense of humour that has helped me cope, and get on with life, or Life with a capital L. The children will hopefully make their way in their lives with all the help I can give. But then , it''s just me.
Essentially we are all alone. We must like/love ourselves to be able to be loved as we should be, equally , as we would wish.
I hope I''m not going too far off track.
As you''ve said, we must take a fresh perspective on the situation we find ourselves in and see it as ours to mould as best we can
Hey emis...several points just so resonate with me:
"I have made soo many sacrifices"
"I have always put myself last.
My younger children''s needs will still be first on the list. They have only me to look to for security and as the one person in the world who loves and cares for them unconditionally " (I only have the one child but the principle is the same)
"I married when I was lonely , unhappy and had no family to turn to. He "rescued" me. Frying pan to fire" (I did not marry my son''s father but reading this makes me realise why I ended up with him...thank you emma and Marshy for sharing your experiences and views, I know why I ended up with my son''s father)
"But then , it''s just me"....Yes, and this is what I am increasingly feeling as my son''s dependency on me decreases (he is a normal healthy and loved young man, and in compliance with laws of nature is moving on with his own life xx).....time to look at life from a fresh angle
1 year and 9 months after the last posting.. just wishing to bump to the front as having sought all over the internet for inspiration in evidential case of Domestic Violence being coercion and abusive behaviour, as defined by Theresa May''s proposals, I found this thread.
What a huge relief to find such abuse is common enough towards men and a mine of resource to structuring my own argument.
Thank you all contributors for your admissions of truth which I read as painful admissions and exorcism.
Yummy mummy, marshy,QPRanger,Stumpylad 70,Floundering, Soulruler & Jar of Hearts. - a big thank you.
I met with my MP just this week to discuss Theresa May''s legislation around emotional abuse. I put it to him that without education and training for the police and family courts it''s pointless. I have suffered many years of severe emotional abuse but have been branded a liar by a judge which has colored every court appearance to the point I just turn up to be insulted. Abusers use the court system to further the abuse.
Sadly it appears in the absence of bruises there has been no abuse.