I am another one who is recovering from an abusive relationship. I was made to feel stupid and awkward and ugly and impossible to live with. I was so unpleasant that I made my husbands life a misery and he was only bad tempered because I was so unbelievably difficult to live with.
I only realised that it wasn''t me, and it wasn''t that my children were bad tempered and grumpy and repressed and quiet with no sense of humour, when he decided to try a new abusive tactic and walk out without saying where he was going and not come back. That incidentally was also my fault because he was waiting for me to call and find out why he hadn''t returned and beg him to come back. I didn''t and over the weeks my children changed character beyond recognition and I started to feel like a human being again. That all changed when he then returned, but it did one thing for me, it showed me that all this wasn''t my fault and it was clear that I was being abused.
I think at that stage you still feel stressed and upset and very unsure of yourself, still really believing the tall tales we have been indoctrinated with. The next step though is to simpy deal with the stages of the divorce and with starting small steps of life again and to gradually build your confidence and as you feel a little more positive you will start to look after yourselr a little and then it becomes a positive circle and each improvment leads to another.
Oh and I am another of those ugly, fat, miserable, impossible to live with people who has found a fantastic partner who actually thinks that I am beautiful, clever, fun to be with and although I don''t quite believe him yet, I feel that I am starting to be worth something after all.
This will come to you as you gradually move out of the shadow of your abuser.
That wasn''t emotional abuse.That was just called being married!!
Get down on your knees every day and thank GOD that you are a single man again and can do whatever the feck you wan''t when you want.
IT''s the best therapy ever!!
And remember Haway''s magic rule for blokes!!
DON''T EVER GET MARRIED AGAIN!!!
All the best
I can also sadly recognise so much of the OP''s post.
Our relationship had changed me over the years without me realising: my doctor suggests I have probably suffered from depression for about four years but I only identified I had a problem when our relationship imploded last September. I hate the person I had become: I must have been horrible to live with. I used to be nice I think.
But I now realise that my stbx NEVER admitted she was wrong, NEVER apologised, and couldn''t tell me she loved me for the last four years. And I eventually ''gave up'', always apologised even if I knew I had nothing to apologise for (just to end the silent treatment that could continue for weeks). It was very important for my stbx to tell me that all her friends and family agreed with her about me.
I have made some terrible mistakes and there''s always two sides to every story but I have to cling to the hope that deep inside me there is a person that someone one day will TRULY love....