A well respected, award winning social enterprise
Volunteer run - Government and charity funded
We help 50,000 people a year through divorce

01202 805020

Lines open: Monday to Friday 9am-5pm
Call for FREE expert advice & service info

Do you need help sorting out a fair financial settlement?

Our consultant service offers expert advice and support to help you reach agreement on a fair financial settlement quickly, and for less than a quarter of the cost of using a traditional high street solicitor.


6 weeks on x

  • Tracey1971
  • Tracey1971's Avatar Posted by
  • Junior Member
  • Junior Member
More
13 Jul 12 #342937 by Tracey1971
Topic started by Tracey1971
Hiya everyone
It is six weeks since I found out my husband was having affair also there was so many other lies that I also found out in the last six weeks to many to mention but for example that he had a secret flat five mins from were we live and had it for a few months before we spilt. I have really good days then wham it hits me I don''t cry as much now but the anger and revenge I want scares me as I feel no one should get away with these type of things. I''ve tried contacting ow but nothing back. He says it is over now and that she has finished it but tbh I don''t believe a word he says to me anymore he lies that much now he forgets what he is saying which makes him look so stupid. I really hate him for what he has done to me and our kids as I know he is still lying about things and I am scared the kids are going to get hurt more as they are 14 and 18 and know what is going on they are angry with him but don''t tell him that I get it all as he only sees them maybe once a week but does ring them each day. He says he needs me in his life and wants to speak and see me regular I have tried but finding it so hard as he makes me uncomfortable and I find it hard to have a conservation with him I wish deep down that I never had to speak or see him again but do at times yern for him and don''t no what to for the best this man has hurt me so much that I know deep down we can never stay friends please has anyone got advice as I feel like I am cracking up x

  • maisymoos
  • maisymoos's Avatar
  • Platinum Member
  • Platinum Member
More
13 Jul 12 #342943 by maisymoos
Reply from maisymoos
Tracey your story rings bells of my own. The lies and deceit were unbelievable, even when I discovered the truth he couldn''t stop lying.

Six weeks is very early days, your emotions will be all over the place. Just take each day at a time and look after yourself, try and eat properly too I know thats not easy. :(You will still be in shock, you will feel sad, angry and confused. I would avoid contact with your husband unless about the children, you need time and privacy. No-one should get away with it, but rest assured many of our ex''s soon discover the grass isn''t greener and that thought alone is a great way of tempering the need for revenge.

  • pixy
  • pixy's Avatar
  • Platinum Member
  • Platinum Member
More
13 Jul 12 #342944 by pixy
Reply from pixy
Welcome. What you are feeling is typical. We''ve all been there so the support you will get from your new wiki friends will be fantastic.

You are still in shock and at a very early stage. Don''t expect too much of yourelf. Try to keep contact with your stbx as limited as possible and when you do have to deal with him make it short and businesslike.

Of course he wants you in his life - it makes him fell better about his betrayal if he can somehow kid himself that you not feeling betrayed and are happy to be friends. He may be feeling that he has a bleak future now he''s been dumped (not surprisingly a lot of these affairs don''t last long, after all they are built on sand). But that was after all his choice.

Big hugs ((()))

  • wmorris2
  • wmorris2's Avatar
  • Premium Member
  • Premium Member
More
13 Jul 12 #342973 by wmorris2
Reply from wmorris2
To be fair he had his escape planned hence the flat. He thought more logically than most.

Still scum though.

  • Marshy_
  • Marshy_'s Avatar
  • Platinum Member
  • Platinum Member
More
13 Jul 12 #342977 by Marshy_
Reply from Marshy_
wmorris2 wrote:

Still scum though.


Yep. And often everything else they do is scum related. Like leaving you in the crap.

But.... What is the flip side of this sorry tale? Would you honestly want to spend the rest of your life with someone so contrived and deceitful? At the end of the process, hopefully you will recognise that what has happened is in fact good and nothing ever good comes of someone that is scum. Scum attracts scum. And if you dont believe me, look in the washing machine filter. C.

  • hattiedaw
  • hattiedaw's Avatar
  • Elite Member
  • Elite Member
More
13 Jul 12 #342980 by hattiedaw
Reply from hattiedaw
Anyone who can plan a getaway so callously isnt worth grieving for nor staying friends with.
I didnt go through this but my best friend did. Her ex took joint money, rented a house for him and OW and put household bills in her name.
1st she knew about it was after he''d left.
It all but killed her.
She always says it''s not the leaving it''s the time he spent planning it behind her back when she thought everything was ok. The day before he''d left they''d enjoyed a family Sunday lunch and then shared a bottle of wine and film in the evening, as normal as can be, she said he was perfectly normal.
What grates me is how he could sit there acting perfectly ok knowing he''d put a deposit on a lovenest, ripped her off of, transferring it to his personal bank account etc etc.
Thankfully she''s fine now, new relationship, new baby etc but what her ex did to her she says she will never forget and yes, it has affected her personality and she has MAJOR trust issues.
Look after yourself, you are not alone.

  • BrokenPromises
  • BrokenPromises's Avatar
  • Junior Member
  • Junior Member
More
13 Jul 12 #342981 by BrokenPromises
Reply from BrokenPromises
Hi Tracey - sorry to hear your story. Bigs hugs for you.

I found myself in a very similar situation to you this time last year. Just briefly, my ex husband announced one morning he was not coming home that evening as he was moving out. He had found a flat, furnished it, set up his cable TV account etc etc - all over the previous few month and I was completely unaware. Feel very foolish over it all but I totally trusted the guy! He was saying that it was for my benefit as he was a diabetic and suffered really horrendous mood swings. He came back and forth to our house every morning to walk our dog and bring me breakfast in bed. He was there every evening up until 6.30pm ish and then he was gone. He did this for four months in which time I nearly lost my sanity.

It turned out that he had someone else and I guess him coming back and forth was his way of easing his conscience. He new woman had no idea he was coming to see me. God only knows what he was telling her.

Anyway the point of my post is to say that don''t let this guy call the shots. He is only trying to make himself feel better. Don''t try to contact the OW again - did all of that and now feel really foolish - they probably laughed their socks off at me. Keep a healthy distance from them. She probably is still on the scene - he is just saying things now to make himself not look so bad. I wish I had had someone back then to say to me this is a well used pattern. If you read some of the posts on here - you will find out. He has hurt you badly - you don''t deserve any more hurt. This is an awful time for you and I won''t pretend it will get any easier any time soon. But it will get better - I promise. Protect yourself emotionally and don''t let him play games with you. It is not any easy thing for me to say to you because I have done this before you and really did nearly lose my mind. My ex won''t even look at me now and walks past me in the street. I had all the I need you in my life bulls**t and I want us to be friends. Now it''s like I don''t even breathe.

Take good care of yourself. I know you have children - but you need to look after you too. I''m so sorry you have found yourself in this position.

BP x

Moderators: wikivorce teamrubytuesdaydukeyhadenoughnowTetsSheziLinda SheridanForsetiMitchumWhiteRoseLostboy67WYSPECIALBubblegum11