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my ex boyfriend

  • josey123
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14 Jul 12 #343175 by josey123
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I want to share this with everyone I have just returned back from my holiday in Italy with my family we went back to near where i lived before with my ex boyfriend.
It was my daughters birthday and she is staying out there for 6 weeks with her friends ... I thought i would be ok out there but it was so hard for me i miss it there so much.

We stayed in the lakes and it brought back so many memories i am home now and so depressed, i just want to go back and have what should of been mine my new home, my future, and my life back...

I feel quite low worse than when i come back last year when we split up its getting harder for me not easier. I know going back to the same place probably doesn''t help but i love Italy and my daughter is staying out there and I miss being with her too. She is having an amazing time and my ex is happy with his new love and im sat in England on my own all my friends are married and settled im so lonely i don''t know what to do with my self i feel like going back out there and hiring a car and just sitting outside the home that was once mine and tell him and her what i think of them but as quick as I feel anger I then want to be friendly with him and be happy for him only I still love him but he hates me ..

I look at the pictures of my ex all the time on the internet and now there are new ones on there and they look so happy together....just like we did last year I so much wanted to see him again or write to him just to say could we make up as friends i hate the way it ended so horrible and i cant let it go!!

have you any advise for me I think i need professional help im obsessed my whole day i look at his picture of him and her and i feel sick and trying to contact his friends but they don''t reply to me anyway im looking a fool but i just want to be with him and i know i cant its killing me slowly ....josey

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14 Jul 12 #343176 by Crumpled
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hi josey how horrible all this must be for you i am so sorry.
please go to your gp and explain how you feel you need to get some counselling to help you through this.
i thought counselling was a load of airy fairy nonsense but for me it has been a lifesaver quite literally and a good counsellor is worth more than their weight in gold.
this is a horrible time for you will be able to get past this it is just a slow process stay strong and keep being so brave

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14 Jul 12 #343177 by josey123
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thank you so much for your reply .. I had counselling last year and it didn''t work for me at all the woman just sat and listened to me and then asked me to fill in some work sheets . I don''t see me ever moving on from this i had the taste of the good life and with the man of my dreams and now i am living in a council flat in the Uk which i hate... do you think i should contact him and let him know what he has done to me he has moved on but look what it has done to me he wont even talk to me he sent me a email jan this year and it was horrible to tell me to move on with my life and that he loves his new woman and that he doesn''t want anything to do with me like im a monster he loved me so much once how can he change so much ....

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14 Jul 12 #343178 by Crumpled
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josey this is so difficult for you i really do understand ....please try another counsellor as they do use different approaches and some are so much better than others.
i think you will only punish yourself more if you contact him when our partners have moved on sadly they become very selfish and cannot see past their own needs and to be brutal are not particularly interested in those they have left behind.i know that sounds horrible and harsh and i really do not mean it to sound so.
it is very difficult to move on when you love someone so....sadly for us it is just a matter of taking little baby steps forward it will take time the healing process can be very slow but it will happen eventually and the good days will outweigh the bad......if you can try and just take one positive action each day which can be really tiny thing and try and focus on the person you want to be .
you will come through this ....

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15 Jul 12 #343180 by josey123
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thankyou again, i wish sometimes i could be strong enough to block him on the internet but i cant and that doesnt help me keep looking i know. I will keep trying for the sake of my children but the pain is so hard to deal with.but can i ask one thing how can you fall in love with someone and then fall out so quickly to love someone else i cant understand this

  • MarriottR
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15 Jul 12 #343182 by MarriottR
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Spot on... When I suffered from depression the first one I had just sat there, offered no suggestions, insights or opinions... It was worse than useless for me. That''s not the approach of most. Contact your local MIND and see if they have a slot. It''s far less expensive and the councillor I had was brilliant.

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15 Jul 12 #343186 by Lostboy67
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Hi,
The first thing you need to find out if you are suffering from depression or not, perhaps it is a tempory thing as a result of your return from Italy.
If you haven''t already you should see your GP, he may be able to prescribe some Anti-depressants.
They can really help and in a lot of cases they can give councilling a better chance of working.
I''ve been through depression and it is hell, I was fortunate enough to get sent to a CBT therapist, which really helped. It works by re-working how you think and gives you tools to think about things in a different way.

Take care
LB

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