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  • stresseduk
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20 Jul 12 #344300 by stresseduk
Reply from stresseduk
Thanks for your replies. My little one has actually made allegations regarding m x hurting him which has involved social services getting involved. My question is after little one opening up to a teacher in school why does my x still have a hold over him. it hurts so much that he has loyalty for someone who hurts him ..

  • jar of hearts
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20 Jul 12 #344377 by jar of hearts
Reply from jar of hearts
My experiences are close to yours and your son remains loyal at the moment because he loves his dad, but also because he knows that you want it all to be ok with him and his dad. It won''t last forever though, and your ex is skating on very thin ice if he thinks it will. Much as a dog will remain faithfull to a vicious owner for a time and then turn and bite, so will your son. All you can do is be there as a constant loving parent and pick up the pieces, unless you think that your son is either in danger, or doesn''t want to see his father. In either of these cases you can become a she-wolf protecting her young and do everything in your power to protect your son from his father. It is sad and I know you want them to have a happy and loving relationship, but that can only happen if your ex wants it too. If he abuses that relationship or more directly your son, he loses his right to a relationship and must prove himself to you and more importantly to his son if he wants to rekindle it. My ex does nothing but abuse me and my children and so they refuse to see him and I support them in their wishes. If at any time those change then I will continue to support them in that direction. That is what your son needs, but he is old enough to make some of his decisions himself.

  • Marshy_
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20 Jul 12 #344388 by Marshy_
Reply from Marshy_
Also. Always remember that you are a mum.

We only have the one mum.

But we can have many fathers.

Mums are special. You made him. He is from you. He is a part of you and because of that, there is a special bond between offspring and there mothers. You and him.

Despite what happens and is done, that bond cannot be broken. Even in death that bond is still there. My mum is dead. But that dont matter. I am still bound to her. Offspring to mother bond survives when life is extinct. So no matter what happens, what is said, you will always be a mum to yr son. And he will know that. Its embedded in him. Its part of him.

This is why fathers can come and go. But mums never do. Mothers are a constant. They are always a part of us. C.

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