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Coping

  • richdaniels
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17 Jul 12 #343648 by richdaniels
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I joined the forums as I am still having a difficult time coping with everything. My first disadvantage is I have no family nearby except for my best friend. If it weren’t for him I don’t know how I would have made it through these last few months. I left my wife 10 months ago, in that time I had to deal with her constant belittling me, my daughter later came to me saying she wanted to kill herself, then my best friend’s wedding of which I was the best man, then my daughter has since stopped talking to me. I moved to Michigan back in 2001, in that time not once has my family come to visit me. My daughter is 17 now. All I ever was to my wife was a paycheck, there was little to no intimacy of any kind for years. I have good days now, but for the most part I feel unimportant to others. My best friend at times doesn’t bother to keep in touch too much, further making that feeling deepen at times. Sometimes I wish there were more people for me to lean on, yet at the same time I want to be left alone most of the time. Curious how others have dealt with the emotional roller coaster. Dealing with trying to not be too much of a burden on others.

  • pixy
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17 Jul 12 #343673 by pixy
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Welcome. Explore the site, not just the forum but blogging and chat. We can''t offer you legal advice as it''s a UK site, but emotional support is here in quantity.

  • afonleas
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17 Jul 12 #343765 by afonleas
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Welcome rich,
Now you have found somewhere that is safe and very supportive,unfortunatly we are all in a similar situation and although it is extremely hard,upsetting and just gut wrenching this whole seperation/divorce thing,we all support and help each other.

I see that you are from the US and we have a few wiki''s from there also!!! so just continue to watch the forum,blog or go into chat(i know there is a time differance)you will find people who understand exactly how you are feeling,and maybe be able to give you some hope!!!

Take care of yourself and stay strong
Luv and cwtchs
Afon xx...........................

  • sun flower
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17 Jul 12 #343774 by sun flower
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Hi rich

I find the following American website helps. Have you tried accessing counselling?

beta.helpguide.org/toolkit/emotional_health_audio.htm

Best wishes. sc

  • Marshy_
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17 Jul 12 #343820 by Marshy_
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Hi Rich.

richdaniels wrote:

I have good days now, but for the most part I feel unimportant to others.


Thats not true. We are all important.

My best friend at times doesn’t bother to keep in touch too much, further making that feeling deepen at times.


This is the problem with friends. Unless they have been thru what you are going thru then they wont understand. A lot of people (esp men) think that you should just snap out of it. Move on man. Get over it. But they dont understand the crushing awfulness of what its like to go thru this. The only people that truly know is people like us.

People often ask me that it must be great to have friends that I can really talk to. Thing is, I cant. There is not many friends that you can have a good old conversation with like you and I are having now. If I said these sorts of things to my mates they would wonder what drugs I am taking.

Sometimes I wish there were more people for me to lean on,


I forget how many is here now. Perhaps 50,000 now? Not sure. So how many people is it you want to lean on exactly? Is 50K not enough? ;)

yet at the same time I want to be left alone most of the time.


Same here. And I actually like being on my own. Sure I enjoy my mates and we have some great times. But most of the time, I am on my own. And I grew to like it.

Curious how others have dealt with the emotional roller coaster. Dealing with trying to not be too much of a burden on others.


Everyone ones story is different. And to be honest, I am not dead sure how I dealt with it or got thru it. I did lots of things. Self study. Talking to anyone that would listen. Some counselling and a lot of empty chair conversations. But I got there. As you will one day. But there is no magic sure fired way of getting thru this. U just have to do it yr way.

We have a problem some of us. In that we dont want to burdon anyone or get in the way. But often, we need help. You are not an island Rich. You live with perhaps 5 - 6 Billion other people on this 3rd mud ball. So its ok to ask for help. But there is a catch. In that one day, you help someone else. C.

  • richdaniels
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18 Jul 12 #343925 by richdaniels
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Thanks for all the nice comments everyone. My biggest problem is the lack of others in my life. If it weren''t for my best friend I have no idea where I would be right now. But I have to accept that he can''t always be there everyday as much as I wish he could be.

Do others think they could ever look for another relationship? I don''t think I can do it again.

  • afonleas
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18 Jul 12 #343947 by afonleas
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Morning Rich,
You say about the;lack of others in your life;
and that you also have a best friend!!well you made friends with him so there is nothing stopping you make friends with others,but it''s something you have to do:),what about your hobbies?anything you are interested in?I''m sure that there are plenty things available to you,but you just have to bite the bullet and go look for them.Okay you will be the new guy in the beginning but you will soon make friends and then maybe your outlook will not seem so bleak;) So please go and look what''s available in your area!!!!!
As for another relationship??? think everyone is divided on that one!!!the majority of people here have been hurt and still are hurting:( and say another relationship totally out of the question,but time is a great healer and although yes we are hurting most of us when we reflect will find that we did have some good things in our marriages!!!!!
To try again ???maybe the partner we were with was not the soulmate we were all allocated?I know before you head into another Romance.......... we all need to find ourselves and love ourselves,because if we cannot love ourselves we will never love another.
Personally although I''m a work in progress but getting stronger all the time:) I would like to think yes at some point I would start again with someone new but if it does not happen that''s fine!!!!
At the moment I''m enjoying finding me and me is not such a bad person after all;)

Take care
Luv and cwtchs
Afon xx..............................

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