To any one reading, this is a brief outline of my journey into separation and divorce. Right now my brain is getting fried, I hope it''s ok to write all this down, I just don''t know what else to do right now.
I''m not after sympathy, in fact that makes me feel upset even more, but if any one has any practical advise, please feel free to chime in....
Sunday 15th July - Day 1.
Today I found out for certain my marriage was over, I finally got my wife to admit she had been having an affair for the last few months. I knew it before, but having her admit it was disturbing and crushing; hearing the words from her mouth just cut into me. I didn''t get upset or cry, I didn''t know what to feel. I didn''t do much other than see my mum and some friends and get drunk.
Monday 16 July - Day 2.
Came home today and found wife packing, even though part of me hates her, part of me still loves her, I miss her and the us that used to be. Seeing stuff get packed up drove home the reality of the situation, it was hard seeing it all come apart. I got upset and cried a bit before going to bed. I didn''t do much that was productive on this day, I think I sent out one invoice and fed the pets.
Well you have come to the right place,so that''s a start:)
All very raw for you!heart and head all over the place,we all been there!done that but still here to tell the tale:)
Nothing I can possibly say that can help at the minute except we are all here for you,and always will be;)
Only 4th day in,so look after yourself,try to eat and sleep!!!!
Very hard I know but something you must attempt at least.
There are many wise wiki''s who will be able to assist with all the legals stuff and the rest of us!!!!Friendship and support:)
I know how you feel mate: many will, you''re not alone.
Regardless what your feelings are towards her remember that there is nothing you can do about what she thinks or wants.
And its really good you have your Mum and friends to support you: some people may not have this and I wonder how on earth they get through it....
Look after yourself mate.
Is there any hope of reconciliation? Do you want her to stay/come back or are you accepting that it is definately over.
It took me 4 and half months to accept it was definately over and that I could never be with him but at the time i was daft to think is could be resolved.
I cant say much to help other than you have found a very good place to come and....
meet new friends (that completely understand what you''re going through), sound off, ask questions and receive advice.
I have only been here a short time but it has been a god send in many ways.
Tuesday 17 July - Day 3.
I woke up at 7.30am and I got a text from a family member asking how I was, I spilled my guts and unloaded all my emotions, I felt kind of guilty afterwards but it had to come out. I couldn''t get out of bed until after 10am, I''m amazed it took me so long to get out of bed, I''m never like that. I am in my mid 30''s and I''m ashamed to say I cried like a 3 year old on and off all morning, I can''t remember the last time I had so much snot and water leaking out of my face..... I still can''t believe how much I cried.
On the positive side I sent some invoices out to some clients, went for a walk to the park and just sat down on a bench and people watched, then walked home. I only could manage about 6 hours work, my head felt weird, I can''t describe it, I just felt like I had to stop. So I did.
Wednesday 18 July - Day 4.
Every day I am awake before my alarm at around 7am or just after. I can''t sleep very well and I honestly hate going to bed by myself. I hate this situation, it''s uncomfortable but I''m here now so I have to deal with it.
We are definitely getting divorced there is no way I can tolerate what she has done (mind you, I''m no angel, during a drunken row I gave her a black eye, not through striking her but I pushed her over, knowing she was sleeping with another man made me crack, it''s the first time I''ve ever hurt a woman, I know its no excuse).
The positives that happened today are, I managed to go shopping today, I bought a new shirt and some food. I cleaned the cooker and talked to my wife about the planned divorce and it looks like we both want to be grown up and civil about things.
So far today I''ve only felt moderately emotional and I''ve not cried yet.
The emotions are weird, at some points I feel remarkably good then half an hour later I can feel lower than a snakes belly. For some odd reason I feel particularly tearful when I eat lunch, just before I put food in my mouth I want to cry... how odd!
What I am cross about is that I know I have to go through all these emotions, in order to get over her, it''s a path I have to walk. I wish I could jet wash them out of my head, I could do without it...if only things could be that simple!
I''m trying not to drink, bar last Sunday I have not touched a drop of booze.
It''s only about 2.30pm now so I know I might fall apart later, if I do, I do.
Its early days for you Dave. You have plenty to go thru yet. Just link the days together and cry if you need to. Pretty soon, the anger will sink in. Thats usually next. And I know you wont agree but her leaving is the best possible outcome long term. Dont contact her. Let her leave voice mails. C.