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How long is a piece of string?

  • lostlucy
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01 Aug 12 #346795 by lostlucy
Topic started by lostlucy
My husband moved out last week after telling me he wanted to divorce 10 1/2 months ago. The children haven''t taken it too badly, but to top it all his mother is terminally ill and unlikely to recover. Unfortunately she is near the end of her life. I feel so low and down, not knowing which day of the week it is let alone what I should be doing. It''s taking me hours to get up, feed the kids and get dressed in the morning. I am still supporting my ex with his mother, I don''t feel there has been break from each other. It''s just horrible. He wants me to visit but as she is unresponsive I don''t want to add to my upset even more. I know it will get better, but when, when does this horrible feeling go away.
I feel he has left me with so much to sort out, he walks out and moves into his nice little rental pad, and will come back when he wants to collect his things. In the mean time leaving me with all the crap.
I feel I have hit near rock bottom. When does it improve?
What has anyone else done to get through the first few hard weeks-months.
Thank you for reading my rant.

  • fairylandtime
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01 Aug 12 #346798 by fairylandtime
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(((hugs)))

You are at the very beginning (sorry) & it''s going to take time, don''t try & rush yourself, you need to take things slow, routine, look after yourself & treat yourself where you can.

It is a matter of survival at the moment, your x moved on long before the 10 months ago, & you are playing catch up. It''s harder still because of you x mil, I applaude you for still helping her you could just say no.

You could do with some space from your x, they say 60 days no contact which with your mil is not possible, but it is wrong of him to expect you to rally round, act as normal when all this is going on.

There is an end, but it is a long road, good luck you will get through it.

JJx

  • Marshy_
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02 Aug 12 #346913 by Marshy_
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Hi Lucy. Sorry this has happened to you. But as you can see, this happens to lots of people. Yr not alone.

For the 1st few weeks, all you can do really is just plod thru it. It does get better. But this can take some time and effort. But yr not there yet. For now, just try and eat and sleep as much as you can. Forget diets and stuff like that.

What may help you is if you separate out all these issues you have. His mum is nothing to do with what is happening between you two so you could be supportive where you need to be. But just use yr judgement. I watched my ex mother in law die. I had the night shift (as we were taking it in turns to be with her) and I can say, that it soured my memories of her. If I had my chance again, I would not want to visit. But of course, you have do what is right.

As for him, I wouldn''t make it easy for him at all. If he has moved out, then he should take all his stuff. Are you a storage company? And does he have the right to just swan in when he wants to? U decide on that one.

For every action, there is an equal and opposite reaction. What I mean by that is that he has made his bed. He should lie on it and perhaps you shouldnt make that bed so comfy for him. Let him know by yr actions what its like to not have you. You are a person of value. And he should have more respect for you. C.

  • Canuck425
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02 Aug 12 #346982 by Canuck425
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I think it starts to get better when you are ready for it to get better ;). Honestly, you will move through this at your own pace so be patient with yourself.

Your husband is months or years ahead of you. He chose to leave and likely agonized over the decision for a long time prior.

People like to say that time heals all wounds but I do not agree. I do not think that only time will heal. There is a lot of work to do as well. Take this time to look inward and really examine your role in all of this. How did you contribute to the breakdown of your marriage? What were the red flags, early in your relationship, that you ignored or justified (and why)? Did you allow yourself to be marginalized - why? Did you lose a sense of yourself - why?

Focus on you and your stuff. There is lots there. Do not focus on him. Don''t assume he''s doing well or not. You just don''t know.

Take care of you first. Do the things that you need to do to move your life forward.

Your welfare is up to you. Realize you can do whatever you want. Really. No one has more influence over the future of your life than you. So take this opportunity to make your life awesome. You can do it. Why wouldn''t you?!

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