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I miss her so much

  • leftwondering
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07 Aug 12 #347891 by leftwondering
Topic started by leftwondering
OK I''ve been over 30 years with her and and many holidays and happy times when she suddenly left I have tried to be brave and tried not to contact her although she has contacted me from time to time.
But the truth is I still love her. All my memories of over 30 years have been with her.
My whole world collapsed when she left.
I don''t know what to do now.
I am old 60+ and I thought we we were forever.
I had to call her last night about a letter that had arrived at OM''s place.
He answered the phone and I hated his voice once he spoke. I called him a ***** and could I please speak to my wife.
He just laughed and mocked me, because he has such a beautiful woman he stole from me.
When I spoke to her, her voice sounded so soothing, like she was calling to say she was going to be a bit late home as she wanted to go into town to get something before coming home.

I could hardly hold back the tears.

I miss her so much.
I miss the feel and smell and touch of her hair and find it hard to sleep that he is doing that now,

It''s been almost a year now.
My whole life has gone.

I am merely surviving, just a robot as samchik said.
Going through a very low period as you all can see.
I miss her so much.

And they are going on holidays together.

This is a fking nightmare that doesn''t go away.
We lived in a lovely village with the people and all the flowers.
How can she do this to me and our daughter?

I just cant get over this.

  • maisymoos
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07 Aug 12 #347898 by maisymoos
Reply from maisymoos
Leftwondering you help so many others on this site and sound so so sad. A year is no time at all, you are experiencing the feelings of bereavement yet worse because she is still there but unreachable.

Have you tried counselling? it may really help to make sense of what has happened and enable you to start making those small steps to rebuilding your own life. Talking to someone in itself can make a difference. Do you have any close friends you can confide in?

60''s is young these days don''t fall into the "Too old" trap you are not and must realise it. I know plenty of couples that have got together at that age divorcees and widows. Life is not over!

I do feel for you incredibly especially when you say you still love her. Thankfully, I suppose I am lucky that I fell out of love pretty quickly with my ex. Unfortunately feelings and love are not something we can just turn off, but the pain overtime will lessen.

take care

  • Cheyenne L
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07 Aug 12 #347911 by Cheyenne L
Reply from Cheyenne L

My heart really goes out to you. 30 years is a very long time and 1 year is still early days to heal. It is ok to be surviving if that is all you could manage now. Like you I am also just existing and not living, but we will keep trying in hope of the pain being more bearable each passing day?

You have already spent the best years together, the other guy has much catch-up to do. I know it is hard to manage being alone now, but please try to distract yourself and minimise contact with her. Sometimes I don’t know if it is more painful to just simply miss the person, or to talk to or see the person just to feel their presence for a bit and then fall back to the lowest of low after that.

Take care, my thoughts are with you.


  • leftwondering
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07 Aug 12 #347918 by leftwondering
Reply from leftwondering
Thank you maisy and Cheyennel.

This is so hard to get through.

Just when we thought our lives were "normal"

Whatever that means.

  • stepper
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07 Aug 12 #347921 by stepper
Reply from stepper
I am sorry you are feeling so low. It must be so hard for you missing your wife as you do. You seem to have had thirty very happy years and that is why it is so hard for you to get over the separation.

Regarding the other man - he appears to have all the sensitivity of a block of wood. Mocking you over the telephone was contemptable. Do you think your ex. wife might have noticed his attitude as you say she spoke soothingly to you?

You are lucky that you have a supportive daughter. This is a very big plus for you as many dads find that not only do they lose their wives, they can lose their children as well.

Look after yourself and try to take each day at a time.

stepper xx

  • Now Gone From Wiki
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07 Aug 12 #347932 by Now Gone From Wiki
Reply from Now Gone From Wiki
I am so sorry to hear your story LW. There isn''t a lot that can be said other than it is an awful situation that happened through no fault of your own and that you unfortunately have to live with the consequences of. It is difficult not to tear yourself apart with the ''what ifs'' and to constantly go over and over what has happened. The only thing to say is to get busy, show your wife that you are getting on with life and enjoying it and to keep moving forward.

Getting on with life and finding things that make you happy again will help to bring you out of the pit of despair over time.

In the meantime know that you are amongst friends who care for you and feel your pain.

  • Canuck425
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07 Aug 12 #347946 by Canuck425
Reply from Canuck425
No other choice but to go forward. Keep moving a day at a time. One year really is not much time in this journey.

It is easy for me to say that you''re likely better off without her. It''s probably true too. It just doesn''t sound believable for you right now. But this woman who is with this other man is not the wife you knew. Even if she came back it would not and could not be the same.

So mourn what you have lost. It is significant. I know what you mean. I feel sad as well. At some point though, stand up, dust yourself off and live. Maybe you''re not ready for that yet. But I hope you will be.

There is lots of life yet and you can build a good one. I am so sure of that.

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