Not a happy bunny

Well my stbx is still stalling on the house sale. Doing nothing about it, wont talk to me at all, wont discuss anything apart from when I am to have my son.

So I have no idea what is going to happen with the house. I cant even look at anywhere because I have no idea how the proceeds will be split. Though I do have a rough idea. I need to do repairs to the house to get it ready for sale but cant because she will not discuss it. And IF I bring the subject up she accuses me of trying to bully her or trying to control her. All of which is patently nuts, because this mess and this divorce is what SHE wants.

Its starting to really annoy me. I have done my best to be reasonable and fair in the face of her messed up attitude and behaviour. I am now at the point where I am just going to tell her to get her bloody finger out and start dealing with the crap she has created.

Hi Stumpylad
Really feel for you and what your going through, its very sad and daunting, you both still have a long road to go down and it wont be easy.
Sounds to me like she''s burying her head in the sand and doesn''t want to face reality!
Are you still living in the house?
I dont know the law re house sales where you are but personally I wouldn''t start looking for somewhere else untill i had a buyer for the property and had info on the financial split.
With regard to house repairs, if your living in the house and the reairs arent too expensive I''d just go ahead and do them if thats what you want, saying that I havent done any repairs as it wont make any difference to the house value, so i think "well, stuff him", why should i make an effort when he''s no help and nowhere to be seen.
Personally I would call estate agents in, have house valued, choose an estate agent to market the house, get all the paperwork and just ask ex to "sign here".
Do you think she would listen if you try and talk to her calmly, explain that this needs to be done, you both need to look to the future. Take no notice of what she says, keep pushing forward.....like I say sounds like cold feet on her part, regrets maybe?
Good luck and I wish you all the best with everything xxx

I am still in the FMH. I can stay here for as long as it takes, as I can afford to keep it going, more or less. Or I should be until she decides to go to the CSA, not because she needs the money or anything, just her being nasty.

I doubt the repairs will be massively expensive, but I dont see why I should have to foot the bill myself. Especially as she will benefit from the house sale and its in her interests to get the repair done. The house will sell faster and for more money.

Cold feet on her part? I dont know. But I do think she is burying her head in the sand. The term "Complete Denial" springs to mind. But then again, she has that scumsucker Andy round all the time telling her what to do. Personally I think he just sees a nice potential paycheck. I could be wrong on that one though. But given his financial position, I really think that is what it is.

I think under Scots law, the sale has to be agreed by both parties. There is no way for me to just push ahead. I dont really want to anyway. In a little corner of my heart I still hope that she will realize that I am not a monster, I still lve her and the kids deeply and if we both make an effort we could rutn things around. Not likely to happen, so I have to look at my future options. And that means finding a new place ASAP and getting this place sold.

I am hoping that when my pension and endowment are taken into the equation and her pension too, that may give her a wee bit of a shock. After all half of 7 years pension is not a great deal of money.

And at the moment all she seems to give a damn about is working on the dump she is renting. Doing repairs to it rather than the FMH. All of which is going to benefit the landlord, as the place is for sale anyway.

In any case I have a few places in mind that I could buy. A couple of two bedrooms and a three bedroom place. Two is all I need but a three would give me an office/guest room. And on my wages, even taking into consideration the maintenance she wants its not impossible. But the longer this drags out, the less likely these places are to still be on the market.

It''s still early days and I''m afraid it may well take many months or even a year or so to settle the finances. My ex couldn''t deal with the divorce and I was stuck in limbo for about 4.5 years, although that was when divorce without consent was after 5 years rather than the two years it is now. All you can do is separate your finances as much as possible and organise your them so you can survive the long haul and just pay for basic maintenance of the property.

The alternative would be to apply to court but that isn''t particularly quick and then there are legal fees to pay, to say nothing of further damage to long term family relationships. On the basis that ex-spouses usually behave in the exact opposite way we would wish, if you sit tight rather than push your wife may start negotiating. After all she is likely to want/need her share of the realisable assets at some point.

Thanks Fiona. As always, words of wisdom.

Its just very stressful at the moment. She claims to want to get things moving. yet does nothing. She hasnt even bothered to get a valuation done. I have got two. Both say the house is worth £195,000 to £205,000. So a third will most likely be about the same.

The ball is very much in her court to open dialogue. She just wont do it. I dont know why, like I said, she wants this divorce. She wants the house sold and her money out of it. Yet she will not do anything but stall and try to mess me about.

I am going to sit tight for the moment. If she is that desprate for the money she will come around and get things moving. In the meantime, I am not going to get repairs done, unless I have it in writing that she is liable for half. And is willing to either pay her share or have the cost taken from her share of the equity. I am not going to be out of pocket for her benefit.

Well, she handed me a list of more stuff that she wants from the house. Including a carpet from one of the bedrooms. WHich she isnt getting thank you very much. fixtures and fittings of the house so its staying.

She should get about 60 grand from the house sale so I think she can afford to buy a new carpet.

The other stuff on the list is just small things, but a couple of the things I dont even have. I dont know what she is thinking as I have already told her I dont have them but she insists that I do.

She also wants the spare key for her car. Well I am not inclined to give her that until the house is sold, and the car loan is paid. If she stops paying her share of the car loan I am forced to pay it. I should pay for her car? I dont think so. I think I will keep the key and if she stops paying I will take ownership of the car. Fair enough I would say.

She still hasnt even mentioned who will sell the house. Just demands for stuff. Sheesh.

Finally got her to agree who will sell the house. After two months of stalling. Me getting two valuations done and her doing nothing. So now I need to get the house fixed up for sale, out of my own pocket, but hey ho. At least the sale is starting to get moving.

The division of assets is still to be worked out, though I have looked at the pensions offset and I think she will get about £10k for the seven years we were married. I dont know what I will get from her pension though. That remains to be seen.

Still wrangling over maintenance, I have made a revised offer based on not having to pay joint life cover, of £200 per 4 week perios until the house is sold upon which I am willing to pay more, probably £300, though the CSA says £64 a week or £277 PCM. Which I think is more than fair really.

I am expecting her to reject it, and go for the CSA route, but that is up to her. If she does that I am trying to get her equity level frozen. So anything I pay off the mortgage is mine alone. I know that sounds petty, but I do need to be able to start again, buying a new home, buying furniture etc.

Again its the waiting game.