Coping With Hate

Hi. I am sorry to ask this question but I am hoping someone can help.

My STBX is deliberately withholding contact with my son (12) for no reason. I believe she will do anything to prevent me having access to my son, including committing perjury by making up allegations. She is jealous of the close bond I have with my son and also angry that I have told people about her conduct.

My question is how to cope with the feelings of genuine and utter hatred I have for her. It is all consuming for me. I constantly think about hurting her and it is making the days very hard to get through. I realise that because of these painful emotions it means she is ultimately ''winning''.

I haven''t said anything like this in the communications with her (she will only communicate by text) as I realise it can come back to haunt me again and again but it doesn''t stop me feeling so angry.

It is an anger I have never felt before in my life. It is anger at her selfishness, her lies, her deceit and the betrayal. I have tried lots of things; talking to people, decorating, working, studying and many other things but the hatred is always there. It is very, very tiring.....

I probably need to head to the GP but I am concerned that ultimately it will get used against me as I want residence for my son (or at least shared residence).

Any advice would be welcome, or even a virtual hug........

(hugs)....its hard and i would seek medical help and councling, for your sons sake as well as yours. I know its easer said than done,but when the thoughts come in to your head,try and replace them with happy ones.
minxy

Hi Mark

I feel for you man: I also have a lot of anger towards my ex due to her totally unreasonable behaviour since we split up. She is really financially hurting my parents due to her greed: I can cope with her actions towards me (see the dog thread for an example!)but NOT my folks....

Sometimes though I think the anger does me good as it drags me out of the mire of depression that I am in most of the time.

However you need to keep it contained: I''m sure your STBX would LOVE you to show your anger and frustration towards her as it will just back up her allegations and lies....and it will not help you re contact with your son of course.

I would certainly see your GP, to talk if nothing else.

Good luck and keep strong for your son''s sake mate.

Thanks Both,

I agree I need to see the GP, just scared of doing it in case they disclose it in the end.

I am sorry to read your horror stories QPR. I cannot believe there are people in the world who can be so evil.

Mark anything you say to your GP is confidential: the stbx will only know if you tell her or you bring it up in court.

I decided to submit my GP''s report of my depression with my form E: all my ex did is then claim that SHE was also depressed (no evidence of course). The judge didn''t seem interested but it may be more relevant in relation to your situation with your lad so I would not mention it mate....

(((Mark)))

If you do choose to seek help, consider a non-NHS organisation. That way it won''t get used against you if your ex decides to say you''re crazy and try and dredge up your health records.

Relate to very good work with individuals as well as couples counselling. There are other organisations who can help too, if you PM me your general locality I will see what I can find for you.

I understand that feeling all too well Mark. My case is nowhere near as extreme as yours but I have felt that more than once. I may have also offered up a silent prayer during a recent thunderstorm

u6c00 wrote:

(((Mark)))

If you do choose to seek help, consider a non-NHS organisation. That way it won''t get used against you if your ex decides to say you''re crazy and try and dredge up your health records.

If the legal system allows that to happen without STRONG evidence then its really in a much worse state than I already think it is...