Thanks all for your comments.
LW & Canuck as honest as ever, no one knows what it is like to live with someone who suffers from depression until they have been there, no two days are the same. I have had informal counselling at work and been told not to take what she says to heart, sufferers often take their frustration out on those closest to them knowing they will not judged and that person will be there for them no matter what. Fine words I know but not easy when you are in the firing line all the time, can take most of it but some things are getting personal now involving my family and close friends, these comments are followed by periods of extreme retraction, saying that I deserve better and should look for someone new.
Minxy, agree with what you have said and having re-read my post I did come across as a bit of a control freak, which those who know me is far from the truth. Just had a bad day and vented my spleen, sorry if I have offended anyone. I should but my post into perspective by saying that I don’t mind her doing her own thing, I have encouraged her to be more independent over the years we have been together but I draw the line at playing away, this is a line that should not be crossed unless both partners agree to an open relationship. This is something we were both against, when we first met I had many female friends who were true friends from both work and university, over the years my partner objected to me speaking, let alone meeting them, so I lost touch. She said that I should not need to confide in them when I had her, although there was nothing secretive she did not like me keeping in touch so I gradually withdrew to keep the peace.
If she said to me that she was going to trek the Amazon or even partake in extreme ironing (lol) I would help her pack and say well done girl go for it. Unfortunately her idea of exploring her ‘adventurous’ side is to go with a married friend to the same hotel, in a tourist resort, and meet up with the same local guys. The place where she goes is in a part of the world that we have visited as a couple and I worked in for two years so I am very aware of local customs and attitudes. These local guys are very young and will go with older western woman for either sex, which is taboo outside marriage in their culture, money, as they are very impoverished, or a visa out of the country. They are very plausible and manipulative, whilst working there I had to help many out including a European woman get home as her young ‘husband’ had sold her passport, taken her money, her apartment, and her self respect. In the course of 6 months I had seen this woman transform from a confident happy and independent person to a shadow of her former self. She later found out that he had another 2 wives and she was financing his one legal wife, due to my contacts I managed to get her home on a free flight with no passport. These are the sort of guys that my partner is exploring her adventurous side with, this is the reason why I am concerned and I think it is unreasonable for her to chat to them, in a suggestive way, whilst in bed with me.
Nice to see a woman’s perspective on things, never a truer book written than Men are from Mars and Woman from Venus. I did use the word ‘dream bubble’ out of place, I think dreams and fantasies are a healthy form release, it is when the boundaries get blurred that trouble begins. I certainly don’t want to puncture anyone’s ‘dream bubble’, I should have used the word often used on these fora which is ‘affair bubble’ just couldn’t bring my self to type it. She has often said that I will be always there for her as I gave everything up for her, including the job I loved, and have no real friends where we live now only joint friends who will be loyal to her.
We do have many independent interests and love to share our stories, I agree this is important as she enjoys weekends away going to the theatre and musicales with her sister and mine involve jumping out of aircraft, scuba diving or riding my motorcycle. We do balance our lifestyle out, she has a fast sports car, which she cannot drive at the moment due to the meds she is on, and nice clothes, most of my gear is procured from e-bay very cheaply. We also have shared interests such as music festivals, travel, hill walking and the cinema. We will accompany each other to festivals where one of us may not like a single band but just enjoy the atmosphere and always have a good time together.
The house is a little difficult as I sold my property, which I owned outright to buy the current place, she did not like the area I lived in and did not want to settle there as it was to far from her family. I moved to the current place and took on a large mortgage at almost 50 to pay for it. Since we have known each other she has gone to University to study for both a bachelors and masters degree which have led her to her current job as a legal advisor for the company we both work for. Having given up my previous job she now earns a considerable amount more than me and likes to tell people she is keeping me, she is hesitant to tell others that I put almost £200,000 into the current property. This house is my only asset and that is why I like to keep it clean and don’t like her dirty underwear or ladies products left around the place, having had periods of my life where I have been homeless or living in dirty hovels here and abroad I do like the house to be clean. I have tried leaving it or not doing the washing but this led to more augments about me not pulling my weight or not supporting her. I still ended up doing it all, including the washing as she broke down in a rage about not wanting to go to work in dirty clothes and would tell people it was my fault, as she is in amore senior position she would be believed.
The reason why I drive her to places is because of her state of mind and medication she is not fit to drive at the moment, her doctors words not mine, and due to the nature of my job, and also that I almost lost my life due to an irresponsible motorist, I could not condone this. I took her to Scotland because she said if I didn’t she would pay for a taxi, out of my bank account, to take her. She also only made her mind up the night before, which is why we could not get a hotel, begging me to take her, saying she would tell people that I unsupportive to her.
Sorry to have put another long post on but am not in a good place at all at the moment and just wanted to offer a bit more info to what is occurring in planet DIAH.
Love and Respect To You All