I am an optimist but not a happy drunk but thanks for the thought.
The heading is a title for a book written by Nicholas Charles whose life story is pretty much inspirational; partly because of what he overcame as his character trait (no specific hardship "just" a predilication to alcholism which wrecked his life, stole his wife and children and lead to his devoted mother loosing her life.
What was remarkable about the story was the people who he met who were down and out in London and why they became that way and his struggle with his self, his ability to become sober and what happens after that.
He founded the Gainsborough Trust which runs the Chaucer clinic; anyone struggling with over drinking could goggle him.
I was bought up as a social drinker and used to drink in moderation with my Mum and Dad.
When my Dad died I took it very hard and realised that I was beginning to use drink as a crutch and started going to the doctors to discuss my drinking.
When my ex left and started a vicious campaign trying to have me sectioned, trying to get me in prison and whilst coming to terms with the fact that I had been a victim of serious emotional and sexual abuse things got a lot worse.
I was referred to the Freedom Programme, got myself into personal councelling but the main route of the problem which was the harrassment and constant abuse which I was and still am suffering from my ex and his legal teams meant that I couldn''t escape from the real source and cause of my drinking.
Recently on yet another trip for blood tests and help from my doctor they referred me to the Gainsborough Trust and leant me the book for me to read.
3 years ago I was diagnosed as suffering from Acute Stress Reaction which is basically mental shock. I have been diagnosed with suffering from Acute Anxiety. When reading the book I realised that the symptoms of Acute Anxiety which are hideous on mind, body and soul are almost identical to those of advanced liver disease and alcholism.
Symptoms include, pins and needles, numbness, burning sensations, incredible pain all over your body. When the pain and anxiety gets too much I found myself resorting to the bottle to block out the physical and mental symptoms and also help me pass out and sleep.
For me the legal abuse that I have suffered has been considerably worse than the domestic abuse I suffered and have to come to terms with in regard to what I allowed happen to our three children.
Burden of guilt is hard to live with but when you understand the triggers it does really help.
An alcholic hallucinates when drunk whereas I have been hallucinating and being sick sober out of prolonged periods of intense fear - constantly being dragged to court and threatened with life time in prison is very scary as is being threatened with a knife and then being told that you have sent death threats (that alone would get you locked up).
Legal teams who abuse process and abuse their positions of trust are involved in my belief in phsycological warfare (gaslighting) against their victims - in this case that is me.
I prefer to see myself as a survivor - and have realised that I am not alcholic but have been and still am to an extent drink dependent - maybe a lot of people in society are - it is described by the medical profession as a ticking time bomb.
hi! i was shocked when i started reading your blog of how candid you were but as i read i understand this is you healing and understanding what has gone on and coming to terms with it.I was in a 20 year marriage with a covert narcissistic so i know all about gaslighting when i first but the jigsaw togeather i was shocked but now realise that my mother was one to so was conditioned to take the abuse.Your ex saw your vulnerability and used it.