He''s moving abroad...

Well, I knew this was on the cards but now it is certain that my ex & the OW are moving to the middle east soon as he has a new job there.

Now, we have been seperated for a good few years & I absolutely know it''s for the best so why then have I been down & sad & teary since he emailed me last week to tell me?

It doesn''t help that we aren''t yet divorced (he agreed to pay the costs but has been putting his holidays & social life above sorting that out). Now, I''m worrying that he will have left the country before everything is finalised. He''ll be renting out the FMH where I am still named on the mortgage & can''t be released unless the loan to value ratio improves or he pays £10k to the mortgage company to reduce the deficit in order to remortgage in his own name.

So, I feel sad, stuck & in limbo & now worrying that I''m just going to be lumbered with everything.

I am taking pracical steps to sort as much as I can & he has promised to indemnify me, but I know if push came to shove, I would still be liable.

I just want to see an end to it all now.

Dazed.

If your x2b thinks he can rent the FMH he may be in for a rapid disillusionment. The fact is, that, at the moment, you have a right to live there, simple as that, and he can''t force you out because it''s convenient for him to do so.

But it''s rather hard for me to advise you without knowing more. But I can pretty sure about one thing, that being that you must have somewhere to live. I can''t judge whether downsizing is appropriate for you, but this could perhaps be an option.

One very important question is, do you have any dependent children ?

Regardless of the answer, I''d say the probability is that the two of them are going to have somewhere to live in the Middle East, and your need for a home is regarded as more important than his need for cash, to put it crudely.

It is important that you know what your rights are. If you would like a chat, send me a PM.

LMM

Hi LMM,

Sorry - should have made myself more clear. We have been seperated for 3.5 years & last year, with the financial settlement, I purchased my own property & moved out of the FMH. Within days the OW had moved in.

We have no children.

Still, that''s all history really - I can''t get myself removed from the FMH mortgage due to the loan to value ratio & it not being possible for ex to remortgage in his own name. In addition, he has been stalling with the divorce. Just a bit concerned about him leaving the country before we get everything sorted.

Thanks for your concern.

Dazed.

Dazed. It will still hurt him moving away. It''s another adjustment along the path of a million others. It won''t end well this move, he is one of many who think moving away is the same as moving on. Oh well his problem and in time you will adjust. It will be better than him trying to pop in to see the cats or whatever.

I would say that you need to plan for him trying to move without resolving matters. Everything about this mans past behaviour has shown his avoids and evades responsibility. I would be highly proactive in your shoes and take control in a way that plans for him attempting to move away with stuff unresolved.

At least you know he''s going and can plan accordingly. My Brother said to me on all matters divorce to expect the worst and plan accordingly. I have done just that. Unfortunately in every way my Stbx has met my expectation every time. But I had a plan and therefore was ready when the worst case scenario arose more than once.

So, hugs for yet another adjustment. Like all the others, you will deal with it but i know it stings a bit for a while!

He was never going to be able to settle in that house with her. Take care

Thanks for the thoughtful response Shoegirl.

What saddens me most about this is that he was quick enough to have affairs & ultimately leave, but because it currently suits him (for whatever reason) not to be divorced just yet, he has absolutely no impetus to behave appropriately about it. It''s just the same old same old in that he never finishes one thing off before he starts another. He''s like a spoiled child & will never change.

As you say, at least it will stop him wanting to pop round to see the cats - but is hasn''t stopped him pressuring me to "let" him see the cats before he goes. I''ve told him I don''t want to see him again & that''s that & he is currently sulking because he hasn''t got his own way. Sheesh.

Dazed.