A well respected, award winning social enterprise
Volunteer run - Government and charity funded
We help 50,000 people a year through divorce

01202 805020

Lines open: Monday to Friday 9am-5pm
Call for FREE expert advice & service info

What are we each entitled to in our divorce settlement?

What does the law say about how to split the house, how to share pensions and other assets, and how much maintenance is payable.

What steps can we take to reach a fair agreement?

The four basic steps to reaching an agreement on divorce finances are: disclosure, getting advice, negotiating and implementing a Consent Order.

What is a Consent Order and why do we need one?

A Consent Order is a legally binding document that finalises a divorcing couple's agreement on property, pensions and other assets.

Do you need help sorting out a fair financial settlement?

Our consultant service offers expert advice and support to help you reach agreement on a fair financial settlement quickly, and for less than a quarter of the cost of using a traditional high street solicitor.

devastated, angry & upset. Who is this stranger???

  • honeybeeee
  • honeybeeee's Avatar Posted by
  • User is blocked
  • User is blocked
22 Aug 12 #351063 by honeybeeee
Topic started by honeybeeee
Morning all.
Did not go to bed ''til 04.00hrs, WIDE AWAKE BY 06.00hrs.

Yesterday, I felt,ok on scale of 1-10 (4)

Then all of a sudden fear gripped me.It washed over me in waves, engulfing me,dragging me down. I was drowning in my fear.

Fear of being alone.
Suddenly thrown into this abys of the unknown.I was soooooo tired,managing on 2 or 3 hrs sleep a night.
Can''t eat. Try to, but feel nauseous, so why bother?

There is this stranger who lives under my/our roof.

He''s nasty,angry, spiteful,hateful person.

He looks the image of my Husband !!!!


This person,came in from work.Actually managed to look at me, & spoke to me in a reasonable manner....

He went to the fridge & looked in.
He went to the cupboards & looked in.
I''d already told him that Id been shopping in the morning. Did not buy a lot coz heart not in it. BUT meal planned & on the go.
This stranger turned to me & angrily asked if I had actually gone shopping.
Why had I not looked on the Message Board??? It was there in black & white the list of what he wanted.....
He stormed off,telling me to "Forget it.If you can''t do it then I will have to do it"

My stomach churned.the nausea returned...

I told this stranger how sorry I was & that I would go out right now to buy the things I''d fogotten to buy.

When I looked at the list, I had forgotten to buy 2 items......

So off I went in the Rush Hour Traffic.

My Husband, would have just shrugged it off .....

When I returned,he''d started to make something to eat for himself (Not what I''d prepared,& was there staring him in the face)
This stranger just snarled at me, & I backed off......

The thought of me eating anything just flew out of window....

Should I confront it, or let it be?????

Me being the spineless jellyfish that I have become,let it go.....

I was back downstairs by 06.00hrs
BUT went back to my room before he appeared at 06.30hrs.Stayed there til he left....

Finishing here. going to have cup of tea & a good bawl...

Where oh where has this strange put my Husband????

  • MrsMathsisfun
  • MrsMathsisfun's Avatar
  • Platinum Member
  • Platinum Member
22 Aug 12 #351066 by MrsMathsisfun
Reply from MrsMathsisfun
What a horrible start to the day. Guess evil replacement husband has found someone/thing new and is feeling extremely guilty and making you out to be the bad guy. Sorry classic behaviour.

Next time he treats you this way, remember all the wikis here are your backbone supporting you through this time and just say no and walk away.

  • minxy1912
  • minxy1912's Avatar
  • Elite Member
  • Elite Member
22 Aug 12 #351068 by minxy1912
Reply from minxy1912
Sorry to hear your going through this, i also went through it for 4 years before i couldn''t take any more and told him to leave.
I never new who he was going to be, like you i dreaded him coming home and waking in the morning.
I would try speaking to him, see if you can encourage him to go see a councler or a doctor, like in my case it didn''t work, koz "men" don''t do things like that. If you are to scared to talk to him,try a letter and stay at a friends for the night.
Try not to let him beet you down,its a harder place to get back from.
Good luck.

  • NoWhereToTurnl
  • NoWhereToTurnl's Avatar
  • Platinum Member
  • Platinum Member
22 Aug 12 #351075 by NoWhereToTurnl
Reply from NoWhereToTurnl
Sending you a (((Big Hug)))

I also went through what you are suffering now. What he is doing is mental and emotional abuse and what is worse, he knows he is doing it!

For 3 & 1/2 years I walked on egg shells, dreaded him coming home, put so many meals in the dog bowl & nearly went insane. I got to the point of not being able to put food in my mouth & my weight dropped to under 5 stone, even now, 7 years post divorce, I associate eating with pain and any upset stops me eating & sleeping. It has had long lasting effects which shows in every line etched on what was once described as an attractive face.

The reason I am telling you this is to urge you to go and see your GP, get referral for counselling and not allow this cruel man to do this to you.

Mine denied he was having an affair, even in the face of indisputable proof, when he finally left he went to live with OW. If there is any possibility, get him to leave now, you will be terrified of being alone but, I promise you its not as bad as the living hell you are going through now.

Concentrate on YOU, look after YOU and keep your sanity in tact, if I could turn back time, I would have thrown him out whilst I still had mine.

Take care and lean on people that will support you in a positive way.

Best wishes,

  • honeybeeee
  • honeybeeee's Avatar Posted by
  • User is blocked
  • User is blocked
22 Aug 12 #351086 by honeybeeee
Reply from honeybeeee
Thanks for your reply.
I have no motivation. My get up & go has got up & gone...To make this house sellable,we have lots of workmen in.Things have been done far earlier that we planned.He has also started decorating all 3 bedrooms at same time.Every thing has been dumped in my room,& my job is to sort it all out....
What to keep, what to send charity,what to bin....
How do you SORT OUT 30yrs +?

Both of us have agreed that with no money til hse is sold we have to live together.

We''ve only been in this area a few yrs.

I have to make decions that I never thought I would have to...

Do I stay in this area & rent for a while, OR do I make a Clean Break?
Move some where I don''t know, but have visited it on a day trip?

The big brave me says " hey girl go for it."

The spineless me says to stay here where I have made a few friends, none of whom I feel that I could bear my soul to....

If I''m going to be alone,maybe I should just go. I can feel just as alone in a totally new place as I can feel here!!!!

Yes, I''m devastated BUT one part of me thinks "Hey grab bull by horns" & go...

Husband says that if I decide to rent in this area ''til I know what I''m doing,let him know, coz he will make sure he is not renting in same area as me!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I truly thought I loved this man, & part of me hates it when friends & family say nasty things about him..

However his attitude has certainly made me consider many things.

Being as spineless as ever, part of me wants "some one to hold my hand"

The other part of me(when I''m feeling ok)says "Hey prove to yourself & the world that you can do it!!"

The sad thing is, that I''m in my early 50s but coming on 15!!

I will now go & do what I normally do when I;ve been on this site is to go away & have a bloody big bawl...

Honeybeeee x

  • Crumpled
  • Crumpled's Avatar
  • Platinum Member
  • Platinum Member
22 Aug 12 #351088 by Crumpled
Reply from Crumpled
Hi Honey,

I have read your posts and I could cry for you my husband did exactly the same thing to me and changed almost overnight from a caring loving husband and father to a stranger.
I dont want to upset you but is your husband having an affair (mine was and is)because what you have described is a classic case of someone transferring their guilt onto their partner I could be wrong but does he have his mobile glued to him have a password on it etc etc.
Have you been to your gp i did resist but i ended up with antidepressants which i took for a time and they helped me over the worst bit I also would suggest counselling because he is eroding your self esteem and just to make sense of this rollercoaster journey you are on......just remember you are not alone

  • NoWhereToTurnl
  • NoWhereToTurnl's Avatar
  • Platinum Member
  • Platinum Member
22 Aug 12 #351098 by NoWhereToTurnl
Reply from NoWhereToTurnl
I was early 50''s, will be 60 next Jan, I was married 35 years, you can and will get through this.
Got to go and collect my best friends ashes now but will be back later.
Sending you lots of love,

Moderators: wikivorce teamrubytuesdaydukeyhadenoughnowTetsSheziLinda SheridanForsetiMitchumWhiteRoseLostboy67WYSPECIALBubblegum11

The modern, convenient and affordable way to divorce.

No-Fault Divorce £179

We provide the UK's lowest cost no-fault divorce service, managed by a well respected firm of solicitors. 

Online Mediation £250

Online mediation is a convenient and inexpensive way to agree on a fair financial settlement.

Consent Order £259

This legally binding agreement defines how assets (e.g. properties and pensions) are to be divided.

Court Support £250

Support for people who have to go to court to get a fair divorce financial settlement without a solicitor.