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The self-piting rambling thoughts of the sad

  • TraceyUK
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26 Jul 08 #35388 by TraceyUK
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Where do I begin? I cry virtually everyday. I've had a low sense of self worth all my life (an abusive father and being bullied at school will do that) and this whole situation isn't exactly helping.

I can't talk to anyone. Not in the sense of 'I have no-one to talk to', although I usually feel like that's the case. I can't open up. I'm scared of being rejected or betrayed by whoever I talk to.

I scared myself today. While sobbing in the toilets at work, I actually said the words out-loud "I have nothing to live for". It's been a long time since I've felt like that. Even longer since I tried to do something about it. I took an overdose when I was 14. No idea what I took, a combination of things. None of this 'laying out of pills' nonsense either - out of the bottle, into the mouth. What happened? My body rebelled and rejected them. I spent the day shivering in the school nurses office. Yes, I still went to school.

I've been thinking about that for a few days now. Two reasons I won't - the financial mess I will leave behind for someone to sort out, I don't want to do that. Also, I'm scared... of it not working. If I were to do something like that, it would be because I meant it. If it didn't work, it would be written off as being a 'cry for help', or worse, a 'plea for attention'.

I'm sorry guys, I just need an outlet and I have nowhere else.

  • Marshy_
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26 Jul 08 #35391 by Marshy_
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Hi Trace. You are not alone. Many here have been where you are. Divorce and the aftermath removes any self confidence you have. Make you feel a failure. It doesnt matter where you have come from or how you were treated as a child. Its today and tomorow that matters. Today you can change things for tomorow. Start today. Say "I can be" and you can.

Your future is in your hands. You can decide to be a failure or a success. Its the same for all of us. All you have to do is want something bad enough and you can have it.

Failure is in your head. Change it. Failure means that you havent succeeded yet. Thats all. If you try and try one day you will succeed. The world rewards tryers. Divorce isnt failure. Its a release to try again. In a way divorce is good. Its a clean sheet of paper for us to map out our lives starting right now.

You dont need anyone to talk to realy. Some of the best convo's I have ever had have been with myself. Write it down if you need to. Write down where your life is now and where you want it to be at say 12 oclock today. 6 oclock this evening and so on. Take small steps at 1st. Pretty soon you will be thinking of tomorow and next week and so on. Mapping out where you want your life to go.

But at the end of the day we are here. We will never tire of listening to you. Make this day the 1st day of the rest of your life. C

  • fitbird
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26 Jul 08 #35401 by fitbird
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Tracey, I felt like that yesterday. It was the lowest day i have ever had. It scared me and I have no one to talk to. I wrote a post and the people here were the most amazing, I cried like never before and by talking to people on this site by the end of the day I still felt so low but those ideas had subsided. Hang in there and talk to us:-) Big hugs xxx

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