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killing

  • sauri
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17 Sep 12 #356422 by sauri
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hi guys, I have had those numerous incidents and my ex is not moving forward at all. Being difficult and obstacling everything. I was treaten to be killed and others. How much can the stress push and individual? I am actually really afraid of my life. On avarage two woman are killed each week by their current or ex partner. The only thing I see is he wants revange and we are not even divorced yet. All in process and in court including anti molestation order. Please give me some advice what to do. Police is notified but I am s**t scared.

  • mbird
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17 Sep 12 #356434 by mbird
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Please please please make sure you do NOT ignore this. Threats to kill are extremely serious and should not be taken lightly. The Police have a duty of care to you. If this person acts in this manner, the likelihood is that the Police have an interest in him already, therefore the more you can tell them about other activities of his, the better. The Police can place a SIG MARKER on your address and install a panic alarm. Alternatively you can look to go into a womens refuge. The Police in your area should also have a domestic violence unit which will be able to assist in completing paperwork for an urgent non-molestation order if not done so already. You may also be able to apply for an occupantion order to take possession of the marital home.
I think first and foremost, you need to ensure that the safety of yourself and any children involved is your first priority. Although the divorce is obviosuly important to you, you must make your primary focus the concerns for your safety and the "others" you mentioned. If children are involved, then it will require further involvement of other agencies such as Social Services. Don''t be scared by this, it''s a GOOD THING. Most importantly, remember, this is not your fault. People who undertake this course of conduct are often control freaks and therefore their issues, not yours are creating these problems.
Ensure you give full disclosure of any previously undisclosed domestic violence history when dealing with the Police as it''s all relevant and shows your ex''s character. You may be frightened about disclosing incidents that occurred previously as you somehow feel this reflects on you or you feel you may be judged owing to children being involved. YOU WILL NOT. Your story is sadly one that many have to deal with. Good luck.

  • rubytuesday
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17 Sep 12 #356435 by rubytuesday
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Honey, I''m really sorry that you are having to experience this. Notifying the police was the right thing to do - are they on their way to speak to you tonight and have they taken your concerns seriously? I suggest you insist that an officer from the personal protection unit comes out to you as soon as possible, they can check and advise you on the security of the house as well as personal alarms etc. Is there a place of safety you and your children can stay at? A refuge night be your best option.

I suggest you call Women''s Aid on 0808 2000 247 now - the number is free to call and the lines are staffed 24/7.

Ruth

  • mbird
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17 Sep 12 #356436 by mbird
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By the way a SIG marker is a tag that police put on addresses to ensure all calls are treated as urgent. So if you were to call 999 they would be there pronto.

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17 Sep 12 #356444 by sauri
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my situation is very very complex and just taking children away would not be easy. in the extreme yes. Social services are notified, school - not sure people believe me - I am so scared that they will laugh at me in the court. They werwe extremely unhelpful when I called anti victimasation unit that actually the police suggested I would call.I had some test done on the phone and i was included in the high risk of domestic violence. My ex is a real controll freak and not dealing very well with loosing controll over me. I am really scared that this will push him to sth when he finds out about all the applications i just submited

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17 Sep 12 #356446 by mbird
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sometimes you need to take a deep breath and a leap of faith and put your trust in the professionals that deal with this on a daily basis. NOBODY will laugh at you, and do you really care what the mums at the schhol think,and if it''s the staff they would be more critical if you did nothing to protect your children.You simply cannot ignore this Sauri, you are scared, and understandably, BUT you must protect your children, and not just physically, I mean mentally from witnessing things that will never leave their minds. I don''t mean to add pressure, but it''s true, I just want you to find the courage to deal with this.

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