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what to do with the anger?

  • what a shock
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20 Sep 12 #356990 by what a shock
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So three months later it turns out that she is in a relationship with the very man that she has been denying since I first asked ''do you have feelings for someone else?''.

I have gone through so much turmoil beating myself up for having thought ill of her, Even defending her when others suggest she might be lying. Trusting her assertation that this was not the case and that she had just had enough.

And now I am filled with such an anger that I seem to have no way of releasing. I am in the family home with her (seperate rooms) and need to stay in control for the sake of the children. They are the only priority. So what do I do to release this pressure?

I am still not sleeping, with night sweats my only bedfellow. I am anxious about what the future holds, The only thing I want is to provide for my three boys and give them some stability.

Any advice on safely letting out the anger?

  • Soon Free
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20 Sep 12 #356998 by Soon Free
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My advice is move out quickly. This will get worse and you need to get away from the horrible *****. The kids will be OK.

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20 Sep 12 #357008 by Mitchum
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Don’t fight your feelings of anger – because they''re real, but it''s essential that you control the anger at home and find a way of releasing it away from the children. I think it''s a reaction to the stark realisation of the extent of the lying and deceit that was going on behind your back. That made me angry anyway.

Know that it''s absolutely normal to feel many conflicting emotions, including anger. You''ve already begun to defuse your anger by expressing it here on wiki where people will recognise themselves when reading your post and respond to you.

It''s important to ''talk'' about how you’re feeling and if it''s difficult for you to talk about your feelings with others at home, posting or writing a blog on wiki is a way to get the anger out. Knowing that others understand will make you feel less alone and will help you to get some perspective on how things might go from here.

Keeping a journal can also be a helpful outlet for your feelings.

As you say, make the children your priority and if they''re alright you won''t go far wrong.

  • Serendipity100
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20 Sep 12 #357021 by Serendipity100
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Mitchums advice is invaluable here: it is natural to feel anger, and it is an emotion that time, and only time will heal, whether it takes you 6 weeks, 6 months, 6 years - you get the picture - all very individualised. But will gradually disappate into acceptance, in the end. Most of us on here at various places through this dark tunnel.... Plus you have your children to think about, so I can imagine the turmoil you are in at the mo.

Read previous posts on here, get fully clued up. Most of us on here been where you are now, and you will find this site a huge source of support, emotionally. Legally? Do not move out.

S25 MCA 1973 a good place to start on the legal front, but all this is, at the mo, a bit of a shock to you - and as previously said, it is natural to feel angry..... take Mitchum''s excellent advice as how to deal with it on day to day, somedays will be ''good'', others awful. It''s a roller-coaster ride, I am afraid, OP....
Ok? For now, hang on to the sides, get whatever support you can. But DO NOT move out! Best of luck.

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20 Sep 12 #357023 by Crumpled
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Hi this is awful like so any others on this site i have been exactly where you are.If you do not want to move out of your home put a lock on a bedroom door so that you have your own space to retreat to and calm down in when things get bad.The last thing in the world you need is for things to get out of hand and the police to become involved as happens very often.
Get a counsellor then at least you have a professional who will guide you to vent your anger and emotions at.........this is a rollercoaster of a journey and it is heartbreaking but you will come through this it just takes time.........

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20 Sep 12 #357025 by what a shock
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thanks for the prompt response. It really does help to know that this is ''normal''.

I do have a lot of good friends who are very patient with me and let me off load ad nauseum, I am finding it so tedius though. I am going to the local lifeboat station tomorrow with a view to throwing myself into something new. If it doesnt work for me I will try something else.

The best piece of advice I have recieved is from an old friend whom I hadn''t spoken to for years.... his advice was to ''ride the wave dave''.

At the moment it is just this rage that ebbs and flows. It has caught me by suprise. I still love my ex and have sincerely wished that she finds the happiness that she is seeking. I do not want to be carrying such anger around with me. I guess I will just have to let it happen in its own way.

It helps to know that others recognise this and have got through it. Thanks

  • Pomegranate
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21 Sep 12 #357031 by Pomegranate
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Hi, time is the only healer, you have to ride the storm and just by there for the boys. It may day weeks,months or years but with each day things will be less painful.

Truly, one day you will wake up and think now I am ready to start living and being a great role model. In te long run, she will lose something that will never come back.

Good luck

P

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