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teenagers

  • positive41
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27 Sep 12 #358288 by positive41
Topic started by positive41
Had huge row with my teenage kids tonight!!!! I''m in the wrong. Found out they''d been to see stbx''s OW and I blew my lid. Stbx is denying relationship and kids don''t know what to believe. Tried not to say too much up until now and then I exploded. Felt really betrayed. My eldest phoned her dad and he now saying they can do what they like when they''re with him and that this will be used against me in court. Seen my family blown apart, tried to be positive and have never bad-mouthed their dad until now and then it all just poured out.I know I have no right to influence them. Feel so bad.Help.....what do I do now??????

  • bikemad650
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28 Sep 12 #358296 by bikemad650
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my question is why are u so against it, the kids wont thank you for it in a few years, my wife is very bitter that i have moved on and has turned from one of the nicest people on the planet to a horrible b***h. it s got so bad my daughter has started self harming, i get all the blame of course. is them seeing your ex that bad? dont be the jelous nasty piece of work my wife is, apologise to everyone, encourage them to see dad whatever he does, tell them u love them, and more importantly move on, it does get easier in time.

  • positive41
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28 Sep 12 #358304 by positive41
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Thanks I know!!!! trying hard. Ive never stopped them seeing their dad just this other woman was part of the downfall of my marriage but you''re right she''s going to be part of kids lives and I don''t want kids to get caught in middle. wow, thought I was on my feet emotions catch you unaware.

  • sim5355
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28 Sep 12 #358306 by sim5355
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Don''t beat your self up you are human and under a lot of stress .If i were you just explain to kids how you felt and how sorry you are they will sort of understand.xx

  • fairylandtime
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28 Sep 12 #358308 by fairylandtime
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As sims said don''t beat yourself up about it.

Your kids have to realise you are human and you are hurting, tell them that, say sorry I blew up, I do not want to come between yr dad and you, neither do I want to bad mouth yr dad infringe of you. But .... This is hard for me and took me by surprise, yr dad has moved on sooner than I, that''s his choice I respect that but cannot promise that I won''t blow up again in the future as we are ALL human.

Or something along those lines, I have also blown up in front of kids due to x, you try your best but when something takes you unawares it''s easy to do so.

Just explain to them then leave it be. They need to know you are human too.

JJ x

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28 Sep 12 #358311 by sun flower
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Bikeman - I am apoplectic at your reply! Look at the harm you have done - your wife was the ''nicest person you could know'' until you ''moved on'' and your daughter is self harming now - but this is your wife''s fault because she is bitter? Have you no idea what it does to a woman to see her kids with her husband and another woman - it kills us - almost literally - I actually had to look back to check you were not my ex. I don''t know you - but yes it is his fault he bought ow into our marriage and family and it has done untold harm - and yes I am bitter too. I don''t know if you cheated - but have no doubt about it cheaters destroy families - and yes it is their fault .

I can only assume from your name that you are another middle aged, mid life guy who got a motorbike for ''me time'', ripped his family apart and ''moved on'' forgetting your responsibilities - and if I am way off beat here - and normally I try not to give personal abuse I will apologise.

Positive 41, I think your attitude is quite understandable (and actually, I think right - but my family has fallen to bits so you may want to read my blog and not do what I have done...my family is ripped apart.)

But your children seeing ow behind you back is a complete lack of respect for your feelings - and you have a right to tell them that. I will NEVER forgive my daughter completely for going to live with that woman. OW are poison in many families - ok I have lost my usual reasoned approach on this one.....Positive 41- I hope you manage this better than it would appear I have - but having said that - I am not sure I would do this differently next time around - but if you can accept - well yes that would be healthier, and my admiration to you, but don''t let it kill you. Bikeman seems to have convinced you that it is ''all for the best'' to accept their new way of life - to me it seems a bit manipulative - but then again, as I said, you may want to look at my story and learn how not to do it.

  • downland
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28 Sep 12 #358321 by downland
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Hi Pos, I think the fact that you have stopped, said to yourself that this attitude is a hiding to nothing with your family and are trying to put things in perspective is brilliant.

Yes your are hurting and probably jealouse of the time your children might spend with this woman (I know in same situation that would be my main problem .....) you are sensible enough to recognise that your children are in the middle.

Worst thing with teenagers is whatever they are feeling it comes out with the ''angst'' attachments of being teenage. But yes, the advice of talking to them, telling them how you feel in a straightforward manner and making them realise that you are human with feelings and emotions too seems good advice. They may appear to take no notice but it does sink in and when things are really low the sudden hug and a few words from them will show you this. Trouble is that is not an everyday thing so you have to soldier on in meantime wondering how things really are. I have said this befor on the forum - one of the hardest things is separating ''normal teenage'' from ''the situation''.

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