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Suicidal Thoughts

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28 Sep 12 #358430 by ConfusedDad
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I’m interested in views on suicide… I imagine this will be a very emotive subject however it strikes me as something that is rarely discussed directly.

I have a 3 year old daughter and my wife left me in January 2012, I see my daughter 50% of the time so am better off than many dads in my situation. I love her with all my heart but…

My life has lost all meaning, I look back on the 9 years with my wife with great happiness and although nothing is ever perfect I felt the happiest I have ever felt. Since January I feel my life has ended, I go through the motions and have even got a new job but it is all meaningless because without her I feel empty. I feel guilty for having this perspective because I have my daughter yet I feel it…

I have spent the last nine months hoping my wife would come back and leave her new man however as time goes on my hope of this is fading and I am left feeling that I don’t want to live anymore without her. I feel alone in these thoughts and the usual response from people is “ you have such a beautiful daughter who needs her daddy” or words to that effect. The problem is I know that but it doesn’t stop the feelings I have.

I don’t actually believe I am depressed anymore I think I am experiencing grief from the loss of someone I love, the symptoms may be similar but my feelings are directly related to a life event which you might expect to cause them…

I’m not looking for solutions per se as I have been offered those and I know the number for the Samaritans, I just wondered how many people going through similar things feel suicidal and think at some point they might actually end their life. The largest factor for me is the effect it would have on my daughter and trying to find ways to mitigate that.
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28 Sep 12 #358431 by Action
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I got very close on a couple of occasions. Not sure I would ever have gone through with it but it was a very frightening place to be. Mine wasn''t as a result of wanting him back but feeling a completely overwhelming overload that really was just too much for one person to deal with. I got as far as writing a note of practical things and leaving it on my bed with my family jewellery, and then walking miles down country lanes in the dark to my nearest town, clutching a whole packet of sleeping pills. Luckily one of my friends was home and I''m here to tell the tale. There were several things that kept me going: my kids, grandchildren, dog and the thought that if I died then he would get everything and would have won.

I had great support from my GP who I was seeing weekly for quite some time, and from my counsellor.

I am much stronger now and just hope I never get that low ever again. One of the first things I did after getting the Absolute was to get a new Will drawn up.
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