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Don''t know what to feel anymore

  • Action
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15 Oct 12 #361080 by Action
Topic started by Action
Feeling really numb today. It''s my Grandson''s Christening next weekend and I''ve been getting anxious about having to see the ex. He''ll have his parents, siblings etc. all there and I don''t have anyone anymore as my parents are dead and my sibling unsociable.

Today he sent an email to my daughter in law responding to his invitation and adding that he''ll be bringing his girlfriend/partner ''if that''s OK''.

I literally don''t know what to feel and don''t know how I will react/cope. Part of me is angry that, again, he lacks any sensitivity in even considering bringing her; another part is shouting at myself and saying ''get over it'' and another is saying ''bring it on, it''s him that will look the prat parading her in front of me''.

I know if I told my son that I don''t want her there that he would respect that, but, it''s not my day to dictate, it''s their day.

Not sure what answers anyone can give but needed to offload.

  • julie321
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15 Oct 12 #361092 by julie321
Reply from julie321
I feel for you Action. I too have no family except my kids whereas stbx has all his sisters and brothers who don''t speak to me anymore.

I honestly don''t have any solution for you but I wish you the strength to get through the day whatever you decide.

  • sun flower
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15 Oct 12 #361094 by sun flower
Reply from sun flower
Action and Julie - I am in same position as you both. I dread anything where we will both be required to be. I hope some others can come up with some help. What should be a wonderful day is marred by this - somehow I hope it is a wonderful day anyway.

(Could your son suggest to his father that it would not be appropriate to bring the girlfriend as you will be there - don''t know if that is possible or not?) I know the day ''is not about you'' - but my goodness this sort of thing hurts.

  • afonleas
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15 Oct 12 #361102 by afonleas
Reply from afonleas
How I feel for you in this situation:( .

What should be such a Happy joyful occasion is such a source of great unease and despair,I really do not know I would cope in the same situation,but like yourself sensitivity issues,well they do not possess any.

Thankfully I am now at the indifferance stage,and I truly feel sorry for Ex,but will admit I really do not know how I will react if I saw Ex with Rent-a-Bike,even though he was the one who betrayed me,she activily encouraged it,so that will be something I will address at some point(god help her)

I will soon be a nanny,and something that will be wonderful as a family,he will not be involved in this,my daughter has made it quite clear that we are not to let her father know when she gives birth,which is sad for him,but these cheaters do not take into account their actions,they only think of the here and now,never mind the future,but as the saying goes
"Do the crime,pay the time" and pay he will.

Action,whatever you decide to do,do it with dignity,you are worth so much than him and your rightful place is there,and remember to smile even if you are breaking down inside.

Sorry cannot be more constructive,but support I can offer by the bucketload.

Luv and cwtchs
Afon Xxxx

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15 Oct 12 #361104 by GETTING STRONGER NOW
I really feel for your situation as I''m sure everyone else present will.

Hold your head high, enjoy your day, smile pleasantly and think to yourself I do not care who he is with.

Easily said I know and I really do not envy you but do not let him spoil yours, your son and grandchild day.

Enjoy yourself as much as you can it may not turn out as bad as you expect.
I will cross my fingers for you.


  • Action
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15 Oct 12 #361119 by Action
Reply from Action
Thanks for the supporting words everyone. Wish I was truly indifferent. I shouldn''t feel any malice towards her as she is not the woman that was the catalyst for the marriage breakdown. I actually feel sorry for her - he has apparently had a string of women via internet dating and, although his relationship with this one is serious enough to bring her to a family do, he still has his profile up on at least two dating sites.

The other problem for me is what she represents, as my ex always displayed an interest in women of her ethnicity, to the degree that he often said he''d like a ''sister wife''.

I''m now agonising wondering if she is beautiful or super intelligent - why should I care? Wish I could switch my brain off sometimes!

  • julie321
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15 Oct 12 #361122 by julie321
Reply from julie321
Action I cannot be indifferent to the OW as she has said some awful things about my children, not caring what happened too them as long as she got stbx among other things.

The one thing that has come out of that is that they will not tolerate her at family get togethers and although I am not welcomed by his family anymore my children will not attend if she is there. The upshot of this is he has to attend alone as his family always invite our children, how long this will last I don''t know but I am grateful that at least for the time being they do.
As things stand I will never have to be in her company but who knows what the future will bring.
Hold your head high as others have said and enjoy your grandchilds day.

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