A well respected, award winning social enterprise
Volunteer run - Government and charity funded
We help 50,000 people a year through divorce

01202 805020

Lines open: Monday to Friday 9am-5pm
Call for FREE expert advice & service info

Do you need help sorting out a fair financial settlement?

Our consultant service offers expert advice and support to help you reach agreement on a fair financial settlement quickly, and for less than a quarter of the cost of using a traditional high street solicitor.


Stuck in limbo

  • tootrusting50
  • tootrusting50's Avatar Posted by
  • Junior Member
  • Junior Member
More
16 Oct 12 #361247 by tootrusting50
Topic started by tootrusting50
Please can somebody help me to understand why I still find myself stuck in limbo, not wanting to go back into a lonely, miserable marriage of 32 years, but unable to be brave enough to actually get divorced either. My Husband mantains he still loves me and wants the marriage to work and that his affairs meant nothing and were just a bit of fun. We haven''t been living together for over a year, both my children (aged 20 and 24) think I would be making a terrible mistake to try again and think I am just scared of being on my own. That probably is the truth, but I know I still love the person I married not the person he became. Why can''t I let go?

  • WhiteRose
  • WhiteRose's Avatar
  • Moderator
  • Moderator
More
16 Oct 12 #361253 by WhiteRose
Reply from WhiteRose
Hi tootrusting,

Hugs to you!

After reading your post I wondered if either of you have had counselling or been to Relate?

You''re facing a huge dilemma and stay or go has to be your choice for the right reasons. Maybe having a very honest chat in front of a third party (by yourself or with your husband) could help you make the right decision.

www.relate.org.uk/home/index.html

Good luck

WR x

  • tootrusting50
  • tootrusting50's Avatar Posted by
  • Junior Member
  • Junior Member
More
16 Oct 12 #361256 by tootrusting50
Reply from tootrusting50
Yes we tried both for almost a year. (thanks for the hug- I really need one today!)

  • WhiteRose
  • WhiteRose's Avatar
  • Moderator
  • Moderator
More
16 Oct 12 #361266 by WhiteRose
Reply from WhiteRose
:(Ah, I see.

Seems you know what you want, you just need to pluck up the courage.

Its a difficult first step, but it is your decision and only you can make it.

Limbo is an awful place for both of you, hey have another hug :unsure:

Hugs

WR

  • donkler
  • donkler's Avatar
  • Elite Member
  • Elite Member
More
16 Oct 12 #361280 by donkler
Reply from donkler
Limbo sucks, all I can tell you is once you make a decision, the weight will lift.

Until you make that decision, try and take it easy on yourself :)

  • shazbonks
  • shazbonks's Avatar
  • Premium Member
  • Premium Member
More
16 Oct 12 #361291 by shazbonks
Reply from shazbonks
you have been together a long time and of course it,s difficult to make a break, it,s scarey but you will be happier in the long run. my ex left me after 27 years of marriage and the last two years have been tough, but i have done things that i never thought possible. it,s only natural too feel sadness when a marriage ends and there will be times you wonder if your doing the right thing. the ball is in your court. i wish you all the luck in the world whatever you decide

  • Marshy_
  • Marshy_'s Avatar
  • Platinum Member
  • Platinum Member
More
16 Oct 12 #361293 by Marshy_
Reply from Marshy_
tootrusting50 wrote:

Please can somebody help me to understand why I still find myself stuck in limbo, not wanting to go back into a lonely, miserable marriage of 32 years, but unable to be brave enough to actually get divorced either. My Husband mantains he still loves me and wants the marriage to work and that his affairs meant nothing and were just a bit of fun. We haven''t been living together for over a year, both my children (aged 20 and 24) think I would be making a terrible mistake to try again and think I am just scared of being on my own. That probably is the truth, but I know I still love the person I married not the person he became. Why can''t I let go?


Hi too trusting. It can be hard to let go after all these years. And its the devil you know. And I know and understand the fears you feel. What will become of me. Will I be on my own all my life. Dont want to grow old and be lonely. There are no answers to all the questions like these and others you may ask. But life is what you make it. You dont need to be alone and you dont need to feel lonely. You can feel alone on a packed bus or train. Being lonely is just a state of mind.

So it was a bit of fun. Yea just some fun and sex. No harm done right? Bloody hell. What is this man on? That he can be so disrespectful to you and say it was just fun. Sorry sister. You have fun at the fair. This is not fun. At least for you anyway.

But this comes down to how much you value yourself. If you are worth nothing. Then you could take this man back. But if you feel that your "worth it" then you owe it to yrself to get this man out of your life. Honestly sister. You are worth more than this.

Lastly. Life is about choices. We chose to do this or that. And the choices we make defines our life and what is in it. The person you are now is not necessarily the person you will be in the future. The choice is yours however. Live a lie or live a life worth having.

Your kids are right BTW. They see something that you dont. C.

Moderators: wikivorce teamrubytuesdaydukeyhadenoughnowTetsSheziLinda SheridanForsetiMitchumWhiteRoseLostboy67WYSPECIALBubblegum11