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I feel worthless

  • lillyanne
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05 Aug 08 #37613 by lillyanne
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Had to sign for sale of house yesterday. I was verging on hysterical cos didn't want to do it. Doctor prescribed diazepam to calm me down. Little one spent evening packing house up with his new girlfriend> She rang me to ask if I wanted the xmas tree!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Totally lost it. Told her she can get used to her new mummy cos she's betrayed me. Cried myself to sleep. I don't understand why I am on this earth anymore. I have lost everything; my family, friends, everything. I cannot imagine a future anymore. I am hanging by a thread. How the hell can I find the strength or reason to carry on????

  • Zara2009
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05 Aug 08 #37617 by Zara2009
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You must carry on, you must find the strength from somewhere. Lashing out at the people we shouldnt is quite a normal thing. Hopefully when you get up this morning it might feel different. I have hope that sometimes, and it is not always the case.
I dont know your circumstances but you sound rock bottom. Is there no one at all that you can turn to? keep posting so you have someone to tell how you feel.
I can remember feeling that I had no future, I was rock bottom 22 year marriage down the drain, lost everything, but I did come through it, hard as it was.
Come on Lillyann dont let them take away your future, you are worth more than that.
I just hope that you feel a bit stronger this morning, let us know.
zara

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05 Aug 08 #37618 by LittleMrMike
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What can I say ? We are all thinking about you and would love to give you a virtual hug.

Yes, I remember the time my ex sent round the van to collect her things, which was most of the stuff in the house. It was beautiful furniture and I felt like crying, but I wasn't going to give them the satisfaction of doing that, and I was going to play the man. While this was going on, my mother in law, who was supervising the process asked, " Aren't you going to give us a tune, Mike ? " ( the Piano was one of the few things I kept ) and I didn't feel much like playing it..

Afterwards, of course, I realised I should have played, " All of me, why not take all of me "or perhaps " They can't take that away from me " . In fact I wrote a little parody on the nice song " If I had my way " and it went

If ***** had her way I'd be out on the street
With just a piano, and nothing to eat.
She'd keep all the furniture left in there
Just for her - only her.
If ***** had her way I would be stoney broke
With much alimony to pay ;
I'd be left all alone, out of house, out of home
If she had her way.

But time heals. Let me assure you, Lilyann, YOU ARE A WORTHWHILE PERSON, no matter what ignorant people do or say. You must never forget that.

The most constructive advice I had during that period was that YOU MUST PLAN FOR THE FUTURE. You must rebuild your life and this takes time. But it does get better and many posters will testify to that.

For the record, I did recover and I am still here and a much stronger person for the experience. My ex and I have long since patched it up and remain good friends to this day.

Good luck, our thoughts are with you.

Mike

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05 Aug 08 #37638 by Petrof
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Oh, Lilliyan,

I feel for you so much. The fact that your child is with them helping to pack the contents of your house and your marriage is just unbelievably hurtful. Only another mother in that situation can understand. And the phonecall....
But please remember, she is just a child she definitely did not want to hurt you, she just has no idea what is happening and is probably trying her best how to deal with it.
My children mean everything to me and to feel like somebody is replacing me in their lives is just painful beyond belief.
My son met up with his girlfriend and when he came back, he said to me that she is nice. It hurt so much. I wished he said that he hated her, I explained to him how it hurts but he still blames only his father and not her. He is a teenager and would expect him to be more considered but I know he loves me like crazy and that I will always be his mother and he will always come back to me. So I have to accept that he is doing his best in the circumstances.
Your child is still your child, you are the only mother that she has and will every have, remember that and however horrible your feel, I am sure she is going through a tough time too. Try to find some strenghth. You cannot be replaced by anobody!!!!

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05 Aug 08 #37662 by fredsmith22
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Lilly

When people are moving on, they dont have a second thought for what they are leaving behind, only have eyes for their future, you say you have nothing, welcome to the club, I left with nothing, but a clean(ish) slate, limited access to my kids and a bucket full of regrets, debt, heartache, etc.

You sound very low, understandably so, I suggest you dont turn on your children, you know this I am sure.

Well, nows the time to show him that you are not beaten and can not be beaten, you are a strong women, even if you dont feel it, come back with great vengance, be the women you always wanted to be.

Please dont do anything you will regret, retain your dignity, and start to rebuild.

Good luck

GM

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06 Aug 08 #37876 by lillyanne
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Good morning peeps. Thank yiynso much fornyour words of encouragement. I know I have to forget about the past and move on, just like he seems to be doing. Wish I could get an eraser and rub the bad times away but I cant't. Rang my mum last night for supprt and she was laughing and joking with him - the same man who tried to get me sectioned, the same man who was violent and broke her daughters heart. I am not expecting them to castrate him but making small talk with him is unforgiveable so now don't feel I want to talk to them anmore. He has made sure none of his family will speak to me again. So why are mine doing it? How much heartache can one take. By the way, the sleeping tablets and diazepam helped.

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06 Aug 08 #37892 by Zara2009
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Good morning lillyann
Nice to hear from you. It does feel like a huge betrayal, your mum laughing and joking with him. Horrid, I know you want her to tell him to bog off. He is obviously a spiteful git and you are better off without him. make some new friends, at least he will not be able to influence them. Give your mum time, perhaps she did not know really what to say to him. She might have felt a bit awkward and made small talk, what does you mum think of him. She might not really want to speak to him, but as he is as slimey as a snake, he might have lured her in too.
chin up and well done.
Zara

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