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trying to connect

  • rubys66
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09 Aug 08 #38949 by rubys66
Topic started by rubys66
i am finding it hard to connect with people.this fear of saying the wrong thing and not being liked,i had to move and leave my mates behind so i havent had anyone real to talk to for a year now.after a while the depression swoops down and i think whats the point.i think about my ex being with someone else thats the worst.is he saying to her what he said to me.oh gtod ive made myself cry now i think im a pathetic person no wonder he left

  • Zara2009
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09 Aug 08 #38950 by Zara2009
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Ruby Ruby Ruby
You are not alone you have hundred of friends here on Wiki.
It is so hard, I know your story, and I send all my love to you.
Please dont feel alone. Dont cry, I wish I could hug you.
Yep my ex, when he went, SHE is sitting in my seat in the car, doing Xmas shopping with him all loved up. god i was ill. i could not stand it watching all the other hubbys coming home from work and mine was not.
No one to unblock the drain, I had to do it myself, and I bloody did!!!
Ruby, is there anyone to phone
Zara

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09 Aug 08 #38954 by Roobarb
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No Ruby, you're not pathetic, you're a caring sensitive person who's been dealt a bad hand. If it's any comfort most relationships that start as affairs don't last long term. It's hard to make something good out of something that's based on a bed of lies.

People are more caring than you might think. I recently started a new job, didn't know anyone but broke down crying one day and received so much kindness and support from complete strangers than I ever thought possible. If this wasn't true then Wiki wouldn't exist.

Everyone needs someone to talk to, you obviously have us but you also need someone close by. I know it's old hat but are their any groups or nightclasses you could join. What about a neighbour or work collegue. There are so many divorced people out there, you might even find that someone close is just as desperate to talk as you are. The hard thing is reaching out, but what's the worst that can happen, it can't be any worse than what you're going through at the moment.

Please stay strong, take care of you.

Mad x

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09 Aug 08 #38966 by rugbyfan
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Ruby - can totally relate to what you're saying. My and my ex were together from teenagers - never loved anyone else. Now he has someone else and I cant bear the fact that he is telling her she is special etc when I thought I was the only one he could ever care about.

Hurts like hell

Hang on in there

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09 Aug 08 #38967 by Roobarb
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Just had a look at your profile and notice that you have dogs.

I have two and they are my reason for living at the moment. The reason I mention it is because I've met so many lovely people whilst taking the dogs out and my best friend in the world I met walking the dogs. Dog walking is the best therapy in the world. It gives you time to think plus you get to meet great people.

If only men were more like dogs. Sorry guys (I know I'm going to get some stick for this) but the big brown eyes and wet noses do it for me every time.

Take care and keep posting.

Mad x

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09 Aug 08 #38976 by happy72
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hi ruby, it's really tough at first, my way of coping with thinking of him and the other woman is as soon as an image or thought pops into my head about them i quickly think of something that he has done across me, if you read some of my other posts you will learn that my stb ex is a compulsive liar with the ability to charm and convince anyone that he is the wronged one, my fave one for remembering is the time the police knocked on my door at 9 in the morning and arrested me (yep handcuffs and all) in full view of all my neighbours, because he had accused me of throwing letters in his face and then punching him. yes i did throw letters in his face but no i did not punch him, typical of him you see to stretch the truth on things, luckily it was his word against mine and no charges were bought, but he did panick when he realised his lies were going to get me arrested, he called the police and said he wanted to drop the charges, but under 'domestic violence laws' they would not drop the charges and he actually called me and warned me that i was probably going to be arrested!!!!!!!

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10 Aug 08 #39008 by Sun 13
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It's only natural that your self confidence and self worth have taken a beating lately rubes. Just get in there and talk to people, you'll find that you will be fine - you won't say the wrong thing and they won't look at you strangely or not like you. If you keep at it you'll notice bits of your old self coming out again, and I'm sure that people will like you even more then. I'm speaking from experience here. Our minds sometimes hate us and make us think the worst when it simply isn't true

Also, as I've said before, the vast majority of relationships started as affairs DO NOT LAST AND AREN'T HAPPY. Just imagine them rowing, or imagine her having to put up with his bad habits.

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