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why do I want so much for him to suffer

  • Sun 13
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14 Aug 08 #40231 by Sun 13
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Goldie120 wrote:

Oh dear, please accept my apologies if you were offended.


Certainly :)

Goldie120 wrote:

It was just when you said earlier that "They made us suffer, so it's only fair that they should reap what they sow. We will move on, we will get over it, but if they get a little bit of it back, so much the better." I was a little confused.

Could you explain who "They" are and who "We" are...?


'They' are the people who have hurt us, cheated on us, deserted us, etc. 'We' are the people on the receiving end of it all. trying to get over what has been done to us. And what has been done to us (and what will happen as a result) is huge, life-changing stuff that will alter the future we thought we were secure in and thrown us into uncertain futures, financial difficulties and emotional distress to name but three outcomes. Like I say, I simply can't wish success on a relationship started like this that has caused me so much pain and heartbreak. If admitting that marks me out as a bad person, then fine. I wouldn't be having these negative thoughts if I hadn't been on the receiving end of this. If somebody makes me extremely unhappy, why should I be even more unhappy to see some of that turned around on them? Revenge may not be a noble emotion, but it can be a very valid one, and maybe some point down the line I will have recovered enough for this not to be how I feel.

But not now

  • CandyW
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14 Aug 08 #40233 by CandyW
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Sun 13,

You write so well. You have put into words exactly as it is.

We are the ones trying to rebuild our lives after what they have done. I can relate to all of your comments and I feel pain just reading them. My life is in turmoil and his hasn't changed.

Thank you for your well chosen words.

CandyW

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14 Aug 08 #40235 by Goldie120
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Can I firstly say that it is not my intention to cause offence. I don't see why some people have taken this stance but I guess that is their perogative. Perhaps they are assuming that a general comment is directed at them.

My basic point is that to wish suffering on anybody is pretty indefensible unless they have assulted or mentally abused you or your family. For that to happen there must be deliberate intention and also a complete lack of understanding as to how you have made the other person feel. Regretably some people on here will have experienced that but to assume that "they" all should suffer is a gross generalisation and one that is being made based on a huge number of assumptions.

I don't propose to go into my own situation, mainly because to do so is to just to give my side of the story . If anybody wants it then please PM me but I believe that I am liberated enough to see both sides of an arguement rather than label them or us.

In answer to Perof,

"Are you refering to a marriage failure on grounds of adultery as an event where the moral lines are extremely blurred?"

Many people make the assumption that a marriage failed because of the adultary but why did the adultary happen in the first place? The answer to this can only be personal to each situation and therefore can't be the subject of assumption or generalisation.

"There are always other, honourable ways to end a marriage."

So if a woman is being abused by her husband and sees a way out by leaning on another man for help and support, you'd condem her..??

"I could see that you have no idea what some of us went through and therefore it is easy for you to make a judgement like this."

From a few short lines...?? You've made a number of sweeping assumptions to come to that conclusion and also put the "us" back in. Is this the same "we", "them" and "us" that was referred to earlier..??

And finally,

"Well, you did not address your post to anybody, so I took the liberty to reply and am a little surprised how angry it made you."

The comments that I was directing my post towards illicited a pretty quick retort. As for being angry, I'm past that.

Thank you for your time reading my post.

  • Sun 13
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14 Aug 08 #40238 by Sun 13
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Goldie120 wrote:

My basic point is that to wish suffering on anybody is pretty indefensible unless they have assulted or mentally abused you or your family.


Yep, that's pretty much how I feel, assaulted and mentally abused.

Goldie120 wrote:

As for being angry, I'm past that.


Good for you. I'm not

  • Petrof
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14 Aug 08 #40242 by Petrof
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Goldie,

I am really happy for you that you are past your anger, you are one of the lucky ones then.

All the best in your future.

Petrof

  • stillalive
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14 Aug 08 #40243 by stillalive
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Petrof.. we want them to suffer for the same reason we want thieves and murderes been punished. If there is no justice in the world why be good yourself?
If we dont want them to suffer we must face the notion that building your own personal happiness by stepping on the people who trusted you more than anything is not the most selfisch act which, if everyone does it destroys society as we know it but should be accepted for personal happiness is all what counts.

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14 Aug 08 #40245 by Sun 13
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Thanx candy :blush:

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