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Is this the bottom?

  • Zara2009
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12 Aug 08 #39773 by Zara2009
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Hi flummox, I have been through similar to you, and I know that rollercoaster feeling. You are feeling like this is all a bad dream and that when you wake up it will all be gone. Having to live together is probably the hardest, I really do now know how people can do that. My ex just woooosh out the door, never to be seen again, well at least no for a while.
I am sure you are feeling that everything has been a waste of time, I did. But I had my two sons to think of, I had to be strong, and you are going to have to find that energy to keep going for your children.
It is just torture, and it feels like it is just not going to end.
I also find it hard to imagine how anyone can be so blatent as to 'text' in front of you. Very hurtful.
But please do not do anything silly. Your head will clear soon and you will be able to think much better.
There is usually someone floating around Wiki most of the night so there is no need to be alone. I have been up in the night at 1,2,3,4,5 and there is nearly always someone on line.
Keep posting all of your thoughts and fears here and we will do our best to help you through the dark times.
zara

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13 Aug 08 #39803 by BRM
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Hi flummox

When this first happened to me. I mean I got a divorce petition a day after my 42 birthday (I didn't even know she'd filled one in!!!). I saw a solicitor the next day and siad how can this be fair. His answer was "it's not fair" then drew a little picture of a house, mum & two children then drew a picture of me the other side of the paper. He siad that's what you had and it's gone how is that fair?

It was like being hit on the head with a lump hammer. And at first he was right. I had nothing left of 16 years of marriage, she had it all including her new bloke from across the road. But as time has passed (18 months now) it's got slightly better, and I've started to re-build. I know I'll get there but I also know it takes time. So try to look to the future.

It was even harder for me when my daughter (9) told me three weeks after she'd asked me to leave the home that Mum was pregnant, that was infront of her Mum and me as they were being dropped off. Great!!!! Oh and her Mum had the smuggest grin I've ever seen. What had I ever done to derserve that.

Keep going m8 feelings fade over time.

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13 Aug 08 #39830 by Marshy_
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Hi Flummox. I cant tell you why you should have everything taken from you. Thats life my freind. Life is about change and sometimes we have to lose it all and take the fall.

You are not alone. This happens to loads and loads of people. She had the affair and you lose out. This happned to me also. I lost my home my family the lot becuase my ex cant keep her knickers on. And to top it all she tells all and sundry it was my fault!!

Lots of people on here feel like they have been hit by a train. But understand that this is just tempory. Just a blip in your life and you have to deal with it as best you can.

Life is gona change for you. Some will be better some not so good. But she was no good mate. You chose a wrongun to set up home with and in time you will realise that you had a lucky escape. But it wont feel like that now. You just want your life back. I know how you feel right now as I went thru this as well as so many on here have.

Only time will tell if this is the low point in your life. But try not to sink to low in the mire. Its easier to get up off your knees then it is to get up off your back.

But the good news mate is you are in a good place. All the best mate, C

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13 Aug 08 #39835 by Marshy_
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flummox wrote:

I know you're all saying hang in there, but I sill cannot fathom why this is happening... it is just not right or fair.

I cannot watch any TV - it is full of people kissing, I cannot go for a walk - everyone else is a couple with beautiful smiling kids, I cannot go in the front room - she is in there watching stupid big brother and waiting for her boyfriend to text her.

Where has my life gone?

I'm sorry to be so miserable but I can't pretend any more.


Life aint fair mate. But you should know this. Its not about winners and loosers. Its about survival. What you have to do right now is just survive.

You do get used to couple walking around arm in arm. I dont notice it anymore. My ex used to ring and txt her bf in front of me. And in the early days before she moved him in he would pick her up at the garden gate. The kids used to go out to speak to him and they just ignored me. That hurt like hell.

But thats all over for me now. I am on my own. It cost me a lot to get out but I managed it and now I can see that my ex was no good. I gave her 12 years of my life. She just used and abused me. It was an expensive and valuable lesson. No more will I be a stepping stone.

But all this talk of being on yr own is in the future. For now you have to put 1 foot in front of the other and take small steps toward getting out. Deal with life day by day. Pretty soon it will be 2 days and then 4 and then a week at a time. That way you know you will be climbing the slippery slope out of this mess. Just do what you need to do to survive for now mate.

Where has yr life gone? Its just begun mate. C

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13 Aug 08 #39865 by BRM
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Marshmellow is right. It does hurt, last time the kids were with me my daughter said that mum asks her to give her boyfriend a kiss good night, then said is that OK dad. What could I say but if you want to then that's OK with me. But my boy wont do it. Saying all this though when the kids are with me we have a great time, swimming, horse riding & camping and best of all he will never be their dad, only mum's boyfriend.

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