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Something that has helped me tonight

  • jamieh
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15 Aug 08 #40425 by jamieh
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My wife has ended our relationship very recently as she has been seeing somebody else ... it's a very long story but after 8 years of bliss everything ended almost immediateley ... bizzare. I have been in bits for weeks ... it's been awful

I can't even speak to her without us rippimng each other apart ... and I have been staying at friends houses ... my mates have been great but all we talk about for hours is my problems, my circumstance, my desperation ... but as with proper mates, they have listened. (God bless them)

Last night was particularly bad I was real down and my mate took some real crap from me

Tonight I was back and said tonight I didn't want to keep talking about my real shitty world ... but we fell into it again and it's all I kept going on about. So eventually I said I would set the alarm on my phone for 15 minutes and NOT talk about my wife's affair or my desperate unhappiness about the situation. So for 15 mins we talked about my job, his job, the weather .. whatever ... it wasn't small talk and it began us talking about normal things again lke we used to as mates.

After the phone alarm went off, I had a five minute rant from the things I had been thinking about and then I set the alarm for a further 30 minutes ... and so we went on NOT talkng about the things that we'd been discussing for weeks .. ie. my problems ...and we repeated the same thing

At the end of the night I have had more normal conversation than the last couple of months put together .. of course it didn't mean I wasn't thinking about it ... but for once I wasn't discussing it or even have my mate hearing it

And now I do feel better as a result

For all the people who read this, if just one person trys it and it works, I will feel even better that I ave helped someone else

No doubt I'll wake up agai feelimg low but at least tonight has been better than normal

  • polar
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15 Aug 08 #40426 by polar
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I read it. Yep. Good friends have put up with so much Sh** from me. Now I dont mention her to them. Same with my daughter. Try to lomit conversation. Im just waiting for somebody to get a memory eraser so that I can erase that stupid **** from my memory. If somebody finds one please tell me and we will market it and make a fortune. Till then Ive told friends to tell me to shut the ***** up if I bring her into the conversation. And they are complying. Last fiend I mention anything to him about the ex said. ''Not your problem any more, she chose the path let her stew in it'' And that helped tremendously. Anyone any other ideas. Prize for best answers on a postcard please . (on here of course !!!!

  • CandyW
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15 Aug 08 #40499 by CandyW
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Hi Jamieh

I just read your article. I really must try that. I am nearly 10 months down the line and still going on about my STBX. He left so suddenly, with no warning, after 18 yrs together. I was devestated and still am hurting.

The hardest thing is coming to terms with the fact that they really don't give a damn about how you are feeling.

I do try really hard not to talk about him but I just cannot do it. Something is always said that reminds me of him and off I go again.

Like you my friends have been fantastic, to the point that I don't think I would still have here if it were not for them. They have just listened and listened and always offered a shoulder to cry on.

Thank you so much for your ides. I wish I had thought of that myself.

Take care

CandyW

  • nightwatch
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15 Aug 08 #40508 by nightwatch
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ALL I CAN SAY IS AFTER 3 DIVORCES THE LAST TWO WERE TRAUMATIC THIS ONE YOU HAVE TO LEARN TO EXCEPT IT DONT PONDER BECAUSE IT WILL EAT U ALIVE
U WILL TALK ABOUT IT BUT IT ALL TAkes time

  • polar
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15 Aug 08 #40510 by polar
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Yes Candy, I relate to your post to. Mine left overnight by just leaving a note. Didn't care howw I felt. Its called being SELFISH. SELFISH, SELFISH. Why do those who do it suddenly care zilch about you, your feelings and the mess they left behind. They say it takes one month to recover for every year you were together. Looking forward to the end. Keep posting and we will all get through this together.

  • CandyW
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15 Aug 08 #40529 by CandyW
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Polar/Nightwatch,

Nightwatch, This is new too me. I know in my head what I should be doing but the feelings I have are still quite raw. I am moving on in alot of ways, but still find the things he says and does hurt me.

SELFISH... god, they certainly are. Its amazing that you can spend so many years with a person who seems to put his family first then puts a woman who he barely knows before all.

I think shock has alot to do with moving on aswell as the fact you seem to be dealing with a complete stranger.

Thank you for your responses. I will MOVE ON I know that, lets just hope it is sooner rather than later. If the theory is correct it will take me about 17 months.

Thanks again,

CandyW

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