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so worried can't function

  • hellandback
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17 Aug 08 #40956 by hellandback
Topic started by hellandback
After 15 years together, most of them happy, my husband has left me. He started being different about 10 weeks ago, ignoring me, not affectionate and in fact quite ignorant. I asked what was wrong, he said nothing! I told him he was hurting me, he still said nothing. Then he started saying his feelings for me had changed because i wasn't affectionate enough for him. We had a hard time these last 4 weeks. We made up 2 weekends ago and I felt so relieved. it was lovely, we stayed in bed nearly all day and said nice loving things to each other and held each other tight. It didn't last, he has now gone and I don't know where he is. he won't tell me. He says he needs time to sort his head out, he says he's really stressed and we need distance between us so we can see the 'whole picture'. He has not contacted me and I am going mad. I don't know what's happening. If he is so stressed through work, life, me etc then I'm happy for him to spend time away but why won't he tell me where he is or talk to me. He has emailed and text me twice but doesn't say anything to ease my mind. I can't sleep, I can't eat, what's happening to us?

  • Marshy_
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17 Aug 08 #40965 by Marshy_
Reply from Marshy_
Hi Kelly. You are in the worst possible place right now and you must be going out of your mind with worry. I feel for you. To have your hopes dashed in this way is awful. I am afraid I cant offer you any practical advice as the only thing you can do is sit tight. But we are here with you holding your hand. We wont forsake you. I hope he contacts you soon. All the best, C.

  • Milly1
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17 Aug 08 #40967 by Milly1
Reply from Milly1
Hi Kellymarie

Welcome to wiki. You must be going out of your mind right now. A lot has happened to you in the last few weeks and it has left you confused and alone. Try and stay calm. If your husband is in contact, you (hopefully) at least know that he is safe.

Let him have his space, but equally, be prepared. Things - whatever they may be - have got to a stage where your husband feels he needs to leave and these problems don't go away easily. When he is ready to talk, why not suggest Relate? You obviously want answers and you obviously love your husband but it may be that professional counselling will assist you both in addressing the issues.

It's so hard being on the receiving end of a partner who 'needs space' and doesn't communicate. Keep talking about this - use your family, your friends, wikivorce... whatever you feel up to. Good luck and look after yourself.

  • Tinkerbelle
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17 Aug 08 #40969 by Tinkerbelle
Reply from Tinkerbelle
I am much in the same position, together 17 years married for 10 next week. Out of the blue he announces he wants to go and get his head round things, does not know what he wants out of life anymore. 7 weeks later i got letter from lawyer indicating seperation permanent, however nothing much has happend since then as he has decided there might be a chance we can sort financial matters out ourselves. I had hoped (and still do)that he might just see sence but i just dont know and at the moment things just seem to be in limbo. I found this site by accident however i have found people on it very helpful, and when things crop up that you might want advise on or just someone elses view on things just ask the question. Everyone seems very friendly and helpful. Everyone says to keep positive but i know its not easy.

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