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nothing left of me anymore

  • cindygirl
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24 Aug 08 #42565 by cindygirl
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((((Jellytoes)))) I really feel for you right now. You dont deserve to be going through all of this. Try to calm down and live just in this day or you will make yourself really ill & thats not what we want for you. Your daughter is old enough for the courts to ask where she wants to live, and i'm sure it will be with her mother, not with a strange woman that has took her father away from you. None of us here are what we were 20 yrs ago, we have all lived, learned, suffered in life, but we have grown, and we will all get through this one way or another. I hope i'm making sense as i've had a drink tonight with family, but i just saw your post & i felt i had to reply, no matter what. Stay strong girl, we are all here for you,
Cindy

  • jelly4toes
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24 Aug 08 #42575 by jelly4toes
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two years of this is so hard when ex2b said to me 'you've f..... it you don't know whats coming'' he was so right.what did i do for him to say that i got a pr detective to show myself i wasn't mentally disturbed as he said and that i wasn't imagining what was happening.how can someone who lies repeatedly to the court lies on the acknowledgement of service stops child maintenance in order to try and leave me unable to pay for our mortgage simply get away with it all.because he can.it simply is not possible to stop him from destroying me.j have never ever stood up to him in 20 years of abuse having done so he really is in for the kill.whats hard is i think i deserve it because i wasn't a good enough wife or he wouldn't have gone off with his rich ow who just happens to be his boss.everything is free for him now living in her house.he should let me take care of our daughter properly.

new day today new beginning today.somehow i will keep going.

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24 Aug 08 #42576 by Tinkerbelle
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Hi Jell4toes
Have been reading your story, it sounds awful - i also have a 9 year old daughter. My husband (the doting father and family man) up and left 12 weeks agao - bored he tells us.
he says no way is he going to sit down and see if there is a way to sort things out... so not even a 2nd chance... dont know what is going to happen to us at the moment, but if all else fails could move to my mums - although she is 76 and is disabled, 2 bedroomed house so not ideal, but would be a roof over our heads.. not ideal for a 9 year old though. I cannot understand why some guys just up and leave then turn nasty to the ones they have left behind. I can in cases where they have been hurt themselves but not in our situations. We were together for 17 years and have never fell out yet now it just feels like a battlefield.
I know in some situations people sort things out quite well themselves. But personaly i feel when people seperate the first thing that should be looked at and protected is the housing needs of the kids - then the access/contact and maintance arrangements sorted. Then if there is any assets of value these can be split. If the housing needs were protected from the start (even if it was up to the point where the house was sold) at least it would (for a short time) be 1 less worry. Every one says protect the kids from all this, although kids might not realise how serious things are im sure in their own way they worry. As the parent with care if someone had stepped in at the start and looked at and put measures in place to protect your home situation (even if it was up until the house was sold) would that have helped. I have only been to a lawyer briefly but felt all they were interested in was what was of any value so they could work out how to split things. Someone should be stepping in to stop people loosing homes in situations like this,absent parents have a responsibility to pay maintaince should they not also (until situations sorted out) have some responsibility to keep roof over the head of their kids as well

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24 Aug 08 #42587 by jelly4toes
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completely agree that is the absolute root of my sheer terror ie that my child will lose her home and we end up on the scrap heap.i asked my 78yr old mother if we could go there too if we are homeless she lives alone and is disabled she said no i can't do with you here.i was heartbroken when she said that knowing in my heart i would die for my children the other one is 25.so we don't even have that to fall back on.i feel suicidal i really do but i look at my daughter and i know i couldn't leave her with such a burden.i can feel him laughing at me like a buddah,he is so twisted and sick.i relly wwish i could find a positive to hold on to but i can't.it is so very hard.sorry for being a miserable cow.

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24 Aug 08 #42596 by mrswho
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Hi Jelly I am so sorry to hear what you are going through. I have been in an abusive relationship also and what you are saying sounds very similar to my husband.

I plucked up the courage to leave him with my 2 kids but he is out for revenge also - does not really care about the kids but after full custody.

I don't know whether you have thought about this but have you tried contacting your local women's refuge? I have an outreach worker from there and they have been fantastic offering support I could not have imagined. My local one is in contact with all other agencies and have been a really good help. I would certainly recommend you contact them as they may be able to help you out. Hopefully it would not come to your home being repossessed but if that did happen then they may be able to help you with accommodation also - although I realise that a refuge is not what anyone would choose.

Feel free to contact me if you want to talk about it.

xx

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24 Aug 08 #42600 by Angel557
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Hi Jelly

You may or may not lose your home, when ex made sure me and the kids were served notice on our rented home i went and lived in a 1 bed flat not ideal with 2 kids but needs must.During this time ex had reported me to social services 1, for emotional abuse and 2, for the housing conditions social services took no further action after they had, had a chat with me, i went to my doctors and broke down i could take no more of this nasty, violent, verbally abusive bully i had 2 options 1, i could go in the womans refuge or 2 present myself to the council as homeless i choose option 2 and me and the children lived in a homeless unit until the council came up with something depending on what area you are in all councils have diff ways of dealing with housing you ,the North seems easier to be housed then the South, i got no help in the South.If you need to rent private thats another option do you have the money for a deposit and for 1 months in advanced rent ? could you borrow it if need be ?

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