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Rock bottom!

  • Lewlew36
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13 Apr 14 #429773 by Lewlew36
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I reached rock bottom today. After all the goings on, being forced out of my home, being told he is going to destroy me, I finally think he has! All part of his plan all along! He is now saying he is going to speak with his solicitor regarding the kids as he feels he looks after them more than I do. I have recently had to start a new job because he resigned me as company secretary of the business. After many abusive texts, phonecalls and emails he decided that he wanted me out of the house that at the time was up for sale. Stupidly I gathered all mine and the kids clothes and went to his mum and dads (who have been very supportive throughout) and ten days later (after we had a buyer for the house) he pulls out and tells me he''s not going to sell up. I had found a house but am still waiting 8 weeks later to move in. He took my car and phone away that he said he was going to provide with no notice, making my job as a community support worker impossible. He, in the meantime has bought a trampoline for the kids, a brand new transit van, even though we are in £208,000 of debt. Even if we sold up tomorrow there would be nothing left in the houses. He has reduced my payments of child maintenance saying that he is under no obligation to give met he amount we had previously agreed, I can''t get housing benefit as my name is still on the mortgage. He is bullying me into making a financial proposal. He has two houses, one the marital home which he is rattling round in and the other that he rents out, he has also the business which although is not making a profit at the moment it will do once he buys the property which is part of the reason I think he''s keeping the house as security for the business and to enable him to secure the overdraft.
To make it worse he has been accusing me of not looking after the boys and saying he takes care of him more than me as I have to sort out childcare while I go to work. I went round today and just saw red, I couldn''t control myself and started smashing glasses. The boys were there too. He phoned the police. I have no hope now, my life is the shambles. He''ll be laughing because now he''s got something to use against me. I have been extremely reasonable and accommodating right from the start, he on the other hand has used every trick in the book to get one over on me! The only thing I have done to be spiteful is tripped the electrics! I don''t know what to do! My kids are my life, I have almost brought them up single handedly and now he will try anything to get them!

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13 Apr 14 #429776 by A_O
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Hi L,
Many of us have been through similar situations L, my own ex wife tried many nasty tricks to get rid of me but keep my estate. Nothing much is fair in the family law system, as you will find out, but the key is your children.
Today we have shared residence for our son (who thrives), I kept the family house, all of my pension and a good deal of my estate. Life is not so bad, but only because I did what was good for my son, which was coincidentally good for me.
Don''t lose your temper again, break any glasses, turn off MCBs or give anyone cause to call the police. Do look after your kids and do what is right for them (I think shared residency is a good thing for kids if both parents are able) and be proactive about resolving the finances &c.
Others will console you much better than I am able to, good luck.
A

  • elizadoolittle
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13 Apr 14 #429779 by elizadoolittle
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Lew ((())). Don''t know what else to say but sending hugs and strength if possible. X

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13 Apr 14 #429787 by NL_sadincheshire
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Lew
he is manipulating you.. mine did the same... you stumbled this time but not the next... if he presses charges and you are invited to a police interview, by recounting the story they will see you have mitigating circumstances... also if you have no prior.... then the police is likely to just drop it and that should be that... a big scare and a reminder to keep your temper in check....

i know ...easier said than done... i used the gym to vent the volcano in me when i was having my buttons pushed by my then stbx

The manipulation is inhumane... but please hang tight... ignore him and concentrate on you, the kids and the multitude of forms you are having to complete for solicitors/courts.... his opinions about you/your abilities as a wife/mother etc, blank out entirely.... (now he is a stranger who matters little to you)

it is a blasted situation.... it will clear.. not easily but eventually... i speak from the other side... but the shaddow of the pain is stil distinct... so i am not being glib

the good thing about rock bottom? only way is up..cliche but true

(((hugs)))
NL_SIC

  • Freespirit1
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13 Apr 14 #429814 by Freespirit1
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Hi, like you I am new to this site and have reached rock bottom several times, the latest at Dec 2013 when I felt the only way out was suicide.

Of course it wasn''t and I didn''t!

Since Jan, I have been involved in a car accident suffering whiplash, concussion, damage muscle, nerve damage,. As I was so run down I was poorly fir 6 weeks with a severe bout of sinusitis and upper respiratory track infection. Then collapsed at home in March, spent 10 hours in A and E . During all of this I have had no emotional support and very little practical support from my husband who I currently live with.

So consider the advice of others as this us how I have got through the very stressful period. Think shout you send the children, do what you like doing ( maybe difficult if money is an option ) but have as much fun and quality time with your children and very important, make time for you.

Evert day devote at least 30 mins to you. Do what you like, maybe a bath, read a book, listen to good music. This time is all about you.

It''s very hard, but try to channel your energies away from anger, channel them towards your family and you. Over time it dis become easier and the emotions felt ease and allow you to think more rationally.

Try buying the book by Katie Price - 365 positive affirmations. It only a £5 and us very well spent. It gives a little quote each day, some will mean nothing and won''t help you at that time, others will. It truly inspired me to move forward.

I too have a very difficult path ahead of me , but feel more capable if being able to tackle the challenges having done what I suggested to you above.

Good luck and if you would like me to share what other things I have find to help me, please feel free to message me.

Hugs n kisses. Xxxx

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13 Apr 14 #429815 by Lewlew36
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Thankyou so much. You''re right he is manipulative and controlling. This is the whole reason I didn''t do all of this before, I knew it could never be amicable. The thing is that if he turned around tomorrow and offered a hug, even after the shitty things he has done, I would happily accept one. That''s not saying I would get back with him but I just want the nastiness and bitterness to end. I am a nice person and far too soft for my own good. Think I need to harden up and stop letting him get to me as everyone keeps saying. I am petitioning him for divorce now as what he has done is far worse than I have done to him.
I hope you are well on your way up and that life is kind. X

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13 Apr 14 #429816 by Lewlew36
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Thank you. You sound like you''ve been through the mill and back. I will find the strength from somewhere. I''m lucky, I have good friends and family who have supported me throughout and now some lovely people on here who know how hard it is. Hope you are all better now, life has to get better than this. X

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