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Im scared ! How do I start the conversation...

  • ClareC
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15 Apr 14 #430198 by ClareC
Topic started by ClareC
Although I know divorce is the only way and definitely what I want and need to happen - ( after many years of enduring more than my fair share of hugely unreasonable behaviour) I''ve realised I''m really quite scared of actually saying the words ''I want a divorce'' to my husband who is moody and bad tempered and can be extremely angry and aggressive when riled - I just don''t know how he will react as he seems to think he can act anyway he likes and get away with it as he has done for years and i don''t think he thinks I will do anything about it....I''ve trying going away and texting the idea of divorce but he flatly refused to even acknowledge it...so now I''ve realised I''m scared of even starting the conversation - but I do need to.......any advice of where to begin? .

  • sulkypants
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15 Apr 14 #430201 by sulkypants
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You say your scared many things can make a person feel scared and possibly your husband knows what to say or do in order to make you feel like this.

From personal experience applying for a divorce is very scarey too.

Yes if you feel able to tell him it''s a good idea to do so ... But if you feel unable to you can notify him just by having the Petition for divorce and the grounds served on him. That may seem like the cowards way out but if it protects you from another argument or domestic abuse you can do this.

I do not know what your husbands UB is but if there are concerns about domestic abuse in some cases legal aid is available to assist people with court fees etc if you fear his reaction to this you could apply for a non molestation order.

As you have discussed this admittedly in the form of text messages it may not be much of a surprise to him other than you finally managed to get the courage to go ahead with it.

Stay strong it''s an uphill battle if you decide to go ahead with this but there is a lot of support in here.

  • Marshy_
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16 Apr 14 #430265 by Marshy_
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I dont think I would just issue and let him see it that way. Not only is it cowardly, its going behind his back. You have to face him unfortunately. But there is another way if I may suggest.

Often, violent aggressive people are able to apply this behaviour because they are one on one with the victim. So take this opportunity away from him. Dont allow him to bully you at the time when you have to tell him. And you do this by having a witness along with you. Do you have a friend who will sit with you while you tell him? Its not cowardly or anything else. Its just to allow you to deal with frankly what you must deal with. Ok I know it gives him ample opportunity afterwards to bully you. But get this part over with first and take the afterwards later on. Often dealing with something like this, gives us the courage to deal with that person going forwards. I know it will be hard though. But you have to do it. You have no other choice really.

If I can give you some tips on doing something really big like this...

Write it down what you want to say. Write it double lines so you can read it easily if you have to. And practice it on a friend and refine it until you have it short and sweet and can deliver it in about two sentences. He may get up and walk out. But if you keep it short. At least you will get the chance to deliver what you want to. If he stays and asks questions, you can at least have something pre prepared and you will be able to deliver what you want to say with ease. Writing and refining and rehearsing lines is the easiest and most effective way of delivering lines. This is how actors do it. So it does work. And no speech is ever delivered off the cuff. They are always refined and rehearsed.

But follow thru. Show him that your not just about words and that you have the actions to back up what you say. But good luck. You actually dont need it and you will be amazed at what can do if you put your mind to it. C.

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