I was typing away on the laptop this morning when I suddenly launched my diary at the wall screaming I''m so pissed off with all of this .
Don''t know where it came from at all it just erupted .
Whilst I''m at it a friend of mine a mild mannered dentist asked me last night to contact someone for him re footy. I felt like ripping his head off and saying don''t you realise how much shit I''ve got already and my life is so messed up . Why bother me with that shit .
I didn''t say that I contacted the fella he wanted me to .
That''s not like me though
Here''s another thing , I''ve noticed that there are times I just can''t be arsed with stuff . I used to do stuff for others a lot of favours to keep the peace now I just say no .
I sometimes lose track of conversations because I get bored easily .
But the anger throwing that diary was a first for me it was like a monster had erupted from me .
Here''s another thing I''ve just plugged my guitar in cranked it up and played Ziggy stardust think whole cul de sac must have heard . Did I care no I didn''t . Again that''s not like me . ( was it anger or am I going deaf )
Also went to a show last week T. rex 20 th century boy and thought to myself that''s what I should have done gone onto stage not saying be a rock god or anything like that but in that game . I loved it and looked back at my earlier youth and thought I''ve wasted so much time .
When my stepdad took my guitar off me when I was young I should have told him that I needed it and stood up for myself
All complicated shit eh . Then again there is loads of it about .
Tell you what this roller coaster eh . What a ride .
One last thing a guy cut me up today whilst out driving and for the first time I swore at him rhymes with clucking bell and ended you tosser
Well , I guess I have had my rant but where the heck has it all come from
It is still all part of your normal grieving... i tell you though, go to a combat class or boxercise... oh boy those 2 have saved me so much... you can lash out as hard as your body can allow and you come out so very zen... that''s a promise
I have been angry for years. I would be simmering much of the time and quick to lose it. Couple of years ago that started to melt away. My poor family had been living on eggshells. Not saying I was beating people up or had lost my sense of humour, but I did have moods and a temper.
Not any more. Lots of people have told me that it would probably help me if I expressed some anger towards my x. I was angry with him for a long time but now, not so.
So you see it goes both ways.
I know what cured me of my anger and will be happy to talk to you/PM you with it if you really want to know. In fact I am thinking of working one day offering to help people with anger issues. My x would fall off his chair.
One other thing that is helping me a lot, as well as the support of real and virtual friends, is therapy. I had a great session yesterday with some useful insights. One of the things I am trying to understand is why I was so angry for such a long time. The fact that I was being lied to all along may have something to do with it….
As I have said before, you tend to sound pretty laid back, calm and reflective most of the time. I think you should give yourself a break if from time to time you get a bit of the rage that plagues many people much of the time. I wold not worry about it if it is a one- off. If you find you are angry a lot of the time, you may want to work on it, with help if appropriate. For now, I would say, just say to yourself ''tomorrow is another day'' and see if you wake up on the right side of the bed.
youre grieving its all part of the process, I `lost it` on a few occasions but then came back to earth with a bump, threw myself into work and walking the dog, the great outdoors, take a walk, listen to the birds singing, I used to sit and watch ducks to stay calm , just trying to say its all part of what we are going through and we all deal with it in our own way xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
Remember that story in the news, a couple of years back....about the woman who chopped her ex''s whatsit off, or Tiger Woods missus smashing his car up with a golf club, or that chap who just got so angry he murdered his ex and had police helicopters chasing him on live TV...OJ something or the other....
Those people were crazy angry.
So you flung a book at a wall, so you swore a bit, at least you are not crazy angry. Played guitar loudly, reckon that''s all pretty healthy for someone dealing with divorce.....all a part of the process.
We all feel it, we feel anger, fear, pain.
Like Eliza said, tomorrow is a new day.
It''s all good D, feel the emotions, let them pass through and move on.
Anger is my biggest driver, not proud of it, but it is. Anger at myself because i was so blind and took so much rubbish for so many years, anger at the unfairness (why couldn''t i have a partner who tried to pull his weight) anger at the others for not realizing how much i need help (although i will never admit it) anger at whatever twist of fate decided to take my only real friend and support away (my mum) anger at the supermarket who can only stock apples from south africa because obviously apples don''t grow on this continent, anger at the light that urns red when i need it green.....need i go on?
the anger is there, sometimes justified, sometimes not. If i''m not hurting or offending anybody, i might let it out. If not, i''ll have another biscuit.