You know I haven''t really started to clear out the house yet, although all of his stuff is in the shed with the mice!
But this weekend I actually got the nerve to go through some photo''s from my mums house, hadn''t had the heart to look at them before and I did laugh and cry sometimes at the same time!
I think I know what you are going through as when I cleared out her house all 74 years of her life had to be sorted, she had things that I had made as a little girl at school, scraps of paper where I had drawn a picture that kind of stuff, I now have boxed of stuff that I need to go through but its how to sort it, if she kept it nearly 40 odd years then how can i throw it away??
The way i did it was 3 piles, one to throw, one to keep and one to go through later although they did all seem to merge into one at one point:blink:
Clearing out the family home was one of the many gut-wrenching processes which this horrific journey had to take me through. We sold the house, he buggered off, and I was left to do it all myself, and move everything out. A three bedroom house, full of memories of what once was, but had ended. I don''t think anyone around me knew how tough it was. I had no help from anyone - my family live abroad, and my friends, though kindly offered, never really materialised to lend a hand.
But then i don''t think it''s something that they could''ve really helped with. Only i knew what should be kept and what should be chucked.
The worst moments were finding piles of valentines cards which i''d kept over the years but had forgotten about, lower cards which had once belonged to bouquets of flowers he bought me in the happier, earlier days, boarding pass stubs from places we''d been together. It felt like i was sifting through someone else''s life, it was all so surreal. Then there was the inevitable wedding paraphernalia to go through. Some i chucked. But some i kept. My wedding dress is in its box on the top shelf of my wardrobe. And next to it are the wedding album and my wedding scrapbook. I didn''t feel quite ready to get rid of those. Not yet. Silly, i know. I got rid of the wedding shoes, but couldn''t quite do the rest. I mean why the hell do i want to keep a wedding dress?! in time, i know it needs to go. But one thing at a time.
Ultimately, though it was tough, it was a necessary step to make. Now i live amongst my own things, and even though they also hold their own memories, this new place is very much mine now, not ours.
This clearing out is sooooo very hard, but my goodness you will feel so much better when its done, it is so very hard to do, I still have the loft to tackle and not finished the garage yet, my god it hurts so much doing this , but get stuck in get it over, the sooner the better, then its done, then onwards and upwards my friends:) happy days ahead:) .
I remember posting back when I was clearing out the loft, garage and house. He wanted all the furniture so I literally had to empty the house. I kept all the pictures, crockery, electrical items etc so by the time I had put all the items into storage what I owned in the house and was left could have fit into a few boxes.
Like most people who run away (and choose to call this moving on) he left all his stuff behind for me to deal with. I had to clear out the years of junk, sort through his boxes and piles to separate out the junk from the stuff that needed to be kept.
For wikis who were around at the time this all happened a couple of years ago, they will remember that he came into the house some months after he had moved out into his rented love nest and did a complete inventory of the house. Right down to the potato peeler. He valued every item on a massive spreadsheet and indicated the items he wanted to take. I can only describe his list of required contents from the FMH as resembling a Tesco.com order.
I cried like a baby as I carefully packed the requested things. I spent lots of money and time picking out these things over the years and chose it all with great care. I packed it all in the spirit I brought it. I remember him gleefully telling me at the time that I had brought everything for him over the years and also everything for the house. I''d never thought about it in that way before it was cruelly pointed out, but I had indeed given everything I had, financially emotionally and spiritually. I believe now looking back that he was telling me in his own way that I''d been a bit of a mug. I think his assessment was at that point accurate. I have learned much since his departure.
So I felt it when I packed up those possessions. Chosen for a lifetime together. It was horrendous. But I posted just like you are now and the wikis said that I would only have to do this once. They were right.
Two years on, I have replaced all the items. Slowly and painfully I have replaced everything he took with stuff that is much better. Not only that but I exceeded my own expectations by buying myself a beautiful new home to put all these wonderful new possessions. Three years ago, and jobless I was worried whether I could afford to stay in the FMH. Now three promotions on, Ive brought a bigger house. I never thought this would ever be possible. Not back then.
The truth of the matter is this. I''ve done better without him. Not just financially but in every sense of the word. With hindsight I know his limitations and that marriage was holding me back. I started to get my life back with the very clear out that many of you are undertaking now. It was horrendously difficult at the time but ultimately completely cathartic. Everything I have is mine now.
I must confess to having had a chuckle at his new wife needing to have all that furniture that I picked out and paid for. Not sure I''d like that much TBH but it takes all sorts really doesn''t it? He was very concerned about valuing everything down to the loo brushes but he forgot 35 years worth of his family photos in the loft and all the stuff from his childhood. I sent it back at some expense when I found it not so long ago. It turns out my ex knew the price of everything but the value of nothing.
I found it really easy making space in my home for Bazza to move in.
The harridan very considerately had packed all my clothes in six black bin bags and left them on the garage floor for me to collect.
The ex harridan is such a wonderful warm hearted woman, the care and love that woman used to show towards me.You know couldn''t do enough for me.I never know how I''ll find love like that again in my life
All the best