I totally can relate to the snooping, I did get into this hole , Checking FB ( his and Hers ) Twitter ( His and hers ) the worst thing was looking at her Google Pictures .. I found stuff I could not comprehend , and I dont know why !! , as you said for signs of how serious it was , to punish myself , I dont know . What I found was SO NOT my wife .. and it showed me how much she had changed.
Anyway I have stopped now as I dont need to to know anymore , she has made her choice so why do I need to know what they are talking about . I see it like this , If I can stop the urge to snoop then , its a sign of moving on - Does that make sense ??
I also found out she had checked my FB messages , but she did not see anything she did not know , I have been honest with her . ( so she was doing it too )
So a one of the agreements was - Honesty / repsect for space / No Snooping .
I agree that it will be a nightmare when she is not here , I slept Very well last night ( well sort off ) , poss because she was in the other room , she is at work today , and she says she is here tonite. But I feel she may go out . So I will see how I feel about that later .
We are being sensible on FB , her wider family / friends dont know - plus she is friends on FB with his Separated Wife !! and when she finds out .. the SH!t will hit the fan, ( she is not a great person ) my STBX knows this , an I have warned her ( so I will sit back and watch ).
But when the time comes and she posts stuff / pics of him I will block her .
As for Alcohol, I dont dink a lot and can control it, the last time I went out for a few and came home I gave her an earfull ..( Lol) .
One of the biggest issues for me is that no one is telling her she is out of order . I do , and she says she knows . Her mum has told her what she did was wronf, but stays neutral, her mum is close to me and tells me how it is , she sees it as is if we are separated then we can both do what we want ! not so sure how she would feel if I had done it ?? .
Her Brother does not know yet , as they live quite a distance away, but they will know soon .
As for her relationship with him , none of my concern , as long as he does not affect the Boys . She sees it as a long term thing from her language. I have asked her to move out with him , before she said NO , but now she says its not an option Yet. Hopefuly living here and there will have its toll and she will move in with him .
I have said that we both should wait 12 months at least till we introduce other partners .. my biggest fear..being replaced by him as the kids Dad ..I know I am and always will be their Dad - something to talk about on Wiki in the future...
My main focus is my boys and my health .I have a health cond ( Polysictic Kidneys) and need to keep my BP down, I am healthy lost a lot of Wt over two years and morse in the last 7 weeks .
The hardest part of all this crazy nonsense is not knowing what''s going to happen - and by the sound of it, you''ve managed to move forward in some respects, which is great. Another huge bit of uncertainty is the housing issues... but, in the picture, after putting one step in front of the other, they all get sorted out eventually. You''ll look back in a couple of years, and everything would be in place again.
We''re pretty much exactly the same age - and the big difference between you and I is that I don''t have any kids (I think I always wanted them, but it never happened for me). Like you, I couldn''t imagine my life without my ex, but now I can''t imagine my life with her.
At the start of everything, I wanted to know the reasons why my ex had behaved so abominably... and gradually, over time, those reasons emerged. My point is that there no point in doing your nut in trying to figure out ''why'' (if that is what you''re doing), since the answers will come to you in good time. At the moment, it''s all about survival, keeping fit and well. If you can do that, you can think straight - and possibly a whole lot straighter than she is doing.
As for the STBX, well, it''s up to them if they make a mess out of their own lives. (Don''t tell her that though!)
So many of us who have been in this situation come out being stronger, better people. The cheaters, on the other hand, sometimes end up being confused and disoriented.
It took me a while to think, ''hey, you''ve left a really great situation... and that''s your loss, honey - I''m now going to concentrate on making my life as fecking brilliant as possible''.
Hi, your story is all too familiar, it''s gonna be hard, and with all the advise you have had you need be prepared for that, joint accounts put into dispute so she cannot use the account and change the direct debits etc, my thinking was if he used the overdraft I would be held responsible and I could not afford to pay back, think of yourself and the kids and currently expect the unexpected or the worst. our oh''s change so much and act out of character, whatever you say to her, it makes no difference she will do as she pleases, just be aware of this, she has made her choices, and you need to accept this, I know it''s hard but we have to be honest with ourselves, Be strong, I know it''s early days, but could you forgive this betrayal ? Thinking of you xxxxx