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What''s the point?

  • OliveOyl
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21 May 14 #434193 by OliveOyl
Topic started by OliveOyl
Yesterday I thought I was coping. This morning I realised I am not and could do nothing but cry. I''m calm again now but have been reflecting.

The core of my life has been ripped away by the one person I should have been able to rely on through thick and thin. Decades of loving and caring, shared experiences and future plans, have been trampled into the dirt. The structure of living - home, belongings, place - is being dismantled around me. I can do nothing about it even though every fibre of my being wants things to be different. The only way to cope is to become completely numb and disengage from any person or thing; if nobody and nothing can affect me, that is the only way to be safe.

But disengaging in this way is not living, it''s existing. And why go through all of this just to exist?

It''s perhaps too philosophical a question, but what''s the point of suffering like this if the outcome is either a mere existence or the pain happening over and over again?

  • Marshy_
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21 May 14 #434196 by Marshy_
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OliveOyl wrote:

It''s perhaps too philosophical a question, but what''s the point of suffering like this if the outcome is either a mere existence or the pain happening over and over again?


I understand the sentiment. I really do. Most of us said and thought the same things as you do. What is the point of all this? Except for those at the end of life. They would swap your life for there life in a heartbeat. When we consider our lives. Our troubles are nothing compared to them. That I think is the point. You can walk and talk and you at least have a future. Even if you think you dont have. A future that you design and not one that just "happens". If you do this right. You will have your future your way. But only if you start doing and thinking positive.

But putting the above to one side. Its easy to think woe is me. I have all this on my plate. But right now. Life is changing for you. And essentially you have 2 choices. You can either sit here and moap or you can adapt to change and roll with it and eek every little opportunity out of the hand you have been dealt. So look at what''s important in your life. What do you have? What can you make out of it? Start thinking positively. And start designing the kind of future you want for yourself.

A house is a home they say. But when you think of it. A home is where the heart is. And yours has been ripped out and dumped. So its not a home. Not your home anymore. Its just somewhere you used to reside. And the same goes with your ex. He is someone that you dont know or used to know. And there will be other homes and other people. Homes that are proper **yours** that no one can take away from you and no one can dismantle around you. A lesson for you. Never hand your life over to someone and let them rip it to bits.

You will have days when you can cope and days when you cant. This is how this process works. Up and down. Side to side. I liken it to a drunken elevator. Or a roller coaster ride that some nutter is running. But there is some improvements on the way. You had a good day yesterday. And there will be more good days also to come. And pretty soon the good days equal the bad days. And then the good days overtake the bad days. And eventually when you walk out into the sunshine.... They are all good days. So this is something to look forwards to.

Lastly. I just want to touch on negativity. Thinking negative and doing negative things poisons you. It drags you down. And damages you. There are positive sides to any negative side. Focus on the positives. And let the negs go. Then life for you will start to change. You will start to think strategically and in a way that is perhaps alien to you lately. It will help you.

I am sorry I was hard on you. And I hate being like this with people. I would rather just send you hugs. But the truth is.. Sometimes we need a kick up the proverbial and this is one of those times.


So I am issuing a Marshy challenge to you. Write a post. This time write about all the positive things that are in your life. Start with breathing and go from there. See if that works for you. I bet you my Marshy pound in my pocket to your nice and shiny penny that this turns this day around. C.

  • Sky5
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21 May 14 #434204 by Sky5
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Hi Olive

We all know how you are feeling - where you are at the moment it just awful - but take strength from being able to post on here and say how you are feeling to people how have worn your shoes. Friends and family are great and will support you - but there is nothing like "speaking" to people who truly understand the fear, the anxiety, the sleepless nights, the humiliation, the betrayal, the lies, the worry etc etc... the list of course goes on. But listen to Marshy he is through the other side and is wise........ stay strong and focus on you, not on him or his OW they are just not worth it and will eventually mean nothing to you.

I just wish I had found this site 18 months ago at the beginning of my journey - I only found it a few weeks ago but has brought support both emotional and practical.

Trust yourself and trust this site.

Take care

A
xx

  • OliveOyl
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21 May 14 #434207 by OliveOyl
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Marshy

Thank you for your feedback, I appreciate the time you took to write it. Intellectually I know you are right.

But you seem to think I haven''t tried to be positive and make something out of this situation. I have, repeatedly, through a perfect storm of circumstances of which the end of my marriage is only one.

Right now I am simply drained of all resources and don''t have the strength to do it any more, at least for the time being.

I will take on board your kick. I just don''t know where to find any more inner strength to act on it.

  • AngieP
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21 May 14 #434208 by AngieP
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Olive - you have said it yourself "for the time being". You will build your strength up again. Maybe the answer is just "to be" for now whilst you do this, but nothing is so sure that you will find strength again, as we all will. xx

  • Marshy_
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21 May 14 #434210 by Marshy_
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OliveOyl wrote:

Right now I am simply drained of all resources and don''t have the strength to do it any more, at least for the time being.

I will take on board your kick. I just don''t know where to find any more inner strength to act on it.


Hi Olive. When you think you have no more left. You find if you dig deep enough you find just enough for another step. And this repeats until you walk yourself out of this mess. Baby steps. Little by little. The more you concentrate on one thing the easier it is to do. As you accomplish, your confidence grows. As your confidence grows your strength grows. Sure you have been given a knock out blow and you are on the canvas. But you can get up as life is not about being knocked down. Its about getting up again. You can do this..

Your species is the most toughest hardest being that has ever walked this planet. Women almost brought rome to its knees in great britain 2000 years ago. Women cook tea, iron clothes, have a conversation. Work out the shopping and spin 10 more plates in the air. All at the same time without breaking into a sweat. Men cant even perform two toilet functions at the same time. All you need to do is believe that you can and its yours. Be strong and stay stronger. C.

  • Vastra1
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21 May 14 #434211 by Vastra1
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OliveOyl wrote:

The only way to cope is to become completely numb and disengage from any person or thing; if nobody and nothing can affect me, that is the only way to be safe.

But disengaging in this way is not living, it''s existing. And why go through all of this just to exist?

It''s perhaps too philosophical a question, but what''s the point of suffering like this if the outcome is either a mere existence or the pain happening over and over again?


Olive your pain is so tangible, it brings me right back to the early months when my heart felt like it had been clawed by a monster (that would have been STBX!) THe numbing and wanting to disengage is a normal self-protective response when you are overwhelmed with painful emotions and a whirl of worries and hurtful comments, but please don''t despair, it is temporary. You will not feel this bad forever, things will slowly get better, with good days and bad.
Try to find something that you know you usually enjoy that could help you feel a bit alive. For me it was swimming in the sea, or running, or playing with a friend''s baby. The pain was still there but easier to bear.

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