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Trying for a new approach

  • Vastra1
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07 Jun 14 #436041 by Vastra1
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You made me chuckle Nige.
Yes Holly you do look rather gorgeous in your new outfit :)
Olive, thanks for this post, as today I''m wallowing in my swamp with my rose coloured glasses back on as I''m sick and the kids are away (and went very unhappily). THis gives me a kick up the backside too - I could echo every word you wrote about hanging on hoping the relationship would improve. I had actually contemplated leaving him at times when he had been totally unsupportive and selfish during my study and exams (when working part-time with kids), but was too daunted by the prospect. I guess it''s hard to undo the thinking patterns of many years of marriage, but I like your resolution. I promise to kick your backside if you can kick mine too.

  • emeraldbutterfly
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07 Jun 14 #436046 by emeraldbutterfly
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Noooooooo Nige. :laugh::laugh::laugh::laugh:
At least you can wear a bikini.I''m more a Victorian full bathingsuit.

Vastra ((())) hope your feeling better.xxx

  • Plainjane49
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07 Jun 14 #436048 by Plainjane49
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Thanks for this post - like Vastra i too could echo how you were feeling about your relationship but thought there is still love there so it would sort itself and "what was the alternative anyway?" Now we know!

You stay positive - we are all with you and hopefully some of that positivity will rub off on the rest of us (certainly need it!!)

And I definitely think bikini''s are the way to go!!!


  • juliette0307
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07 Jun 14 #436062 by juliette0307
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I personally don''t believe that trying to turn it into a positive is a good thing for me. I have to face the music as we say, and admit that divorce is beyond sh*te. It''s not what i wanted, even if i am the one petitioning, it''s hurting my kids, it''s killing my financial and emotional future,and it''s just plain too much to handle sometimes.
BUT, not doing it is not an option, so i''ll do it as best as i can, and will find another life that the one i planned for for the last 20 years.

  • Nigella19
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07 Jun 14 #436064 by Nigella19
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I can so relate to that Juliette.

Nige x

  • AngieP
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07 Jun 14 #436066 by AngieP
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Hi Juliette ((()))
Have many of the same feelings as you and you''re right of course it is all sxxxt but the fact is that you have a future and you will have positivity in your life. Do not wish to preach and personally am in a very bad situation as a lot of us are but when heard phrases such as growing through divorce I thought "what a load of pretentious xxxxxxxx"-this is hell on earth. But the cloud is lifting a little for me at times and can sometimes see little seeds of hope. Wish you all the best on this awful journey x

  • HeadKnowsHeartDoesnt
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07 Jun 14 #436126 by HeadKnowsHeartDoesnt
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You said

"But then I got to thinking ...

If I am honest with myself, I haven''t been happy for quite some time."

(sorry don''t know how to put a quote from another Wiki in a fancy box like others do - am a bit of a thickie when it comes to things like that).

This revelation came to me on one of those horrible rainy and dull Saturday mornings when I could not get out of bed during one of those feel sorry for yourself moments.

I too kept telling myself that it would get better soon, we had been going off the rails for the last 5-6 years and it was getting worse. I lived with a moody, sullen, bad tempered, everyone''s against me/glass half empty type person. Whereas I was fairly outgoing and confident socially/talk to anyone kind of person. (Am working on getting back to this)

I grabbed my phone and started to make a list of all the things I felt when I was with him, how he dragged me down, etc. I then made a list of more positive things between us - well this is still blank and the negatives are as long as well a piece of string. This helped me to puy things more into perspective and realise he had actually done ME a favour by going.

I think we plod along in life thinking "is this it, is this what my life will be remembered for". We stay unhappy because of our kids, finances, whatever reasons we each personally have that keeps us with our husband/wife.

You go on to say:

"So I have decided to try - and I emphasise TRY ! - to view this radical upheaval in my life as an opportunity. I have so much to be grateful for in terms of health, the ability to earn my living and the freedom to choose my own path from here on in."

Exactly, you have used really good words above. It IS an opportunity for you, and with positive thoughts about your health, job and freedom to help lead the way for you.

I felt like you do, it was a revelation to me just how rubbish and stressful my former life was. I am now viewing this episode of my life as change, and I hope for the better. I am quite excited and looking forward to what MY future (and I hope you will be too in time).

You are in a good place at the moment, and long may you stay there.

Thinking of you xx

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