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Trying to stay positive..

  • newlyseperate
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08 Aug 14 #441597 by newlyseperate
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Hi all

I''m new to this website but its all so relevant to me at the moment..

18 months ago I found out my wife was having an affair.. she lied numerous times saying it had ended but it hadn''t.

3 young children who are my world are involved. I feel terrible about the way things are going to be, for them to grow up with separated parents.. its hurts so much to think that in years to come, my 5 year old probably won''t even remember a time when "daddy" lived at home with him.
I worry about the short and long term impact on them..

I guess I''m still in the anger stage of things. We''ve done mediation but we can''t agree on the house so I''m seeing a solicitor on Monday. Nothing about this situation seems fair, it seems clear that financially I''m going to be hit very hard.


The stress of the last 18 months has been unbelievable. I''m still at home because I can''t bear the thought of not waking up so the sound of the kids everyday, but I realise I''ve got to try and move on and come to terms with things... but its so hard..

Luckily I have a good job and a very supportive boss . I also have some good close friends who know whats been going on and have been a great help..

I''ve started doing a lot of exercise which I find keeps me sane and is a good way to let go a lot of hurt and emotion and stress

None of the above was very constructive really but its good to rant, read other peoples threads and realise that other people are in the same situation and others have come out the other side ok...

Away with the kids this weekend so looking forward to it

  • sturmer
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08 Aug 14 #441599 by sturmer
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I am nearly two years separated. Don''t worry about the children, my youngest was six at the time and all three are doing really well both at school and their two homes. Children are adaptable and resiliant and you will always be their Dad.

Keep up the exercise, running is my saviour it helps clear thoughts and diffuse anger.

Be prepared divorce is a long journey, this website is a constant source of advice and support

  • Vastra1
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08 Aug 14 #441601 by Vastra1
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Hi Newlyseparate,
I think your comments were really productive, not ranting at all (I could give you an example of one of my rants but will resist!)
Yes it is really hard, but thank God you have supportive friends and boss, and you have been finding an outlet in exercise. I had all 3 of those too, plus my ex''s family have been kind and sympathetic. Those things make a world of difference.
Enjoy your weekend away with your kids. What''s most important is that they have a dad that loves them and wants to spends time with them. That counts more towards their current and future emotional wellbeing than whether they will remember clearly the time in their childhood with both parents together.

  • newlyseperate
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11 Aug 14 #441811 by newlyseperate
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Thanks for the replies, Vastra , your last sentence nearly brought me to tears because that''s just what I wanted to hear !

We had a really good weekend away and I''m going away again for a few days later this week for a wedding so it will be good to get some "me" time away from it all..

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