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How to deal with ex

  • nicwin
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08 Aug 14 #441619 by nicwin
Topic started by nicwin
I would like some advice on how to deal with my ex when it comes to phone calls and visits to the house. Our Consent Order is signed and in court at the moment so divorce is pretty much all settled.

We used to run a business together which I am now no longer part of but he still rings me occasionally asking me questions, the conversation then desends in him bringing up past greviences, blaming me for his financial problems, penny pinching over maintence he says he is paying too much. And generally making me feel like total useless worthless and crap. I had one first thing Monday morning and now just had another. I don''t think I can take much more. We have kids so can''t cut ties completly but how can I cut them as much as possible. Our son races cars which I have on my driveway so on ex comes round to do this at least every other weekend so now feel like I have to leave my own home so I don''t have to see him. Any other ideas and tips on how I can distance myself from him as much as possible?

  • rubytuesday
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08 Aug 14 #441621 by rubytuesday
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Don''t engage with him over the phone - make it clear that if he has a question for you relating to the business or the children then he can email it to you - and you can respond at your leisure. It may not cut out all the crappiness entirely, but at least you don''t hvae to listen to it.

If that''s not an option, and phonecalls have to be the main communication method, then as soon as he starts, make it clear that you are ending the call if he continues. If he does, just hang up. Make sure you programme his name into your phones, so you will know who it is when the phone rings - and remember, you aren''t obliged to answer phone calls, if you don''t feel like answering, just let it ring through to voicemail.

Is there somewhere else that the cars could be stored? Can you look into hiring a garage or some other sort of space?

  • sulkypants
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09 Aug 14 #441649 by sulkypants
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On my phone I can give certain called there very own ring tone so I don''t rush to pick up.

I know what you mean about your ex coming round especially if it''s unannounced I would end up camping upstairs to stay away from the situation. If you can store the transport somewhere away from the property.

  • Mitchum
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09 Aug 14 #441660 by Mitchum
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''Tact is the ability to tell someone to go to hell in such a way that they look forward to the trip.'' Winston Churchill.

The others are right, don''t engage with him and you shouldn''t have to feel like a stranger in your own home when he comes round. Monitor the calls and answer if and when you see fit. Why is he still asking you about the business?

Invite people round if you can when he''s there and he won''t get the opportunity to make you feel harassed. Make him feel uncomfortable instead and maybe he''ll go away of his own accord.

Take care. xx

  • NellNoRegrets
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10 Aug 14 #441708 by NellNoRegrets
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My ex used to come round ostensibly to see the children but really to talk to me. Sometimes it was a rant, more often he just wanted to tell me what a fabulous time he was having or give me advice I hadn''t asked for. I used to grit my teeth and let him burble on.

One day when he had some criticism I''d just had enough and told him to F*** off. Since then he''s been much more respectful. I only wish I''d done it earlier!

If I need to tell him anything I send a text and he generally replies in the same way.

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