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Will I ever be able to move on!

  • casswallow
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19 Oct 14 #447155 by casswallow
Topic started by casswallow
I am a 54 yr old soon to be divorced woman & i am devastated. He was my soulmate & best friend. We had been together for 10 yrs, it was second time around for both of us, i had a Daughter from my previous marriage but he had non as he wasn''t paternal so we didn''t have any together. The last five years had been a struggle as he was a financial advisor so his job had become difficult but i increased my hours at work to help out more but we remained close & still loving towards each other but i could sense there was something else. He started buying expensive gadgets & watches & I''m not talking a couple of hundred pounds but thousands for his Breitling, Omega, Panerai, the debts mounted up so we struggled even more but i still continued to support him, going without myself. He then started to chat to girls on the internet & meeting them for coffee, when i confronted him he said he didn''t know what he wanted & continued so i told him i was leaving but he begged me to stay, so i did. Four weeks later he contacted an old flame & told her we were finished i again confronted him but he said he didn''t know what he was doing any more & begged me to stay saying he would get counselling. i stayed & he seemed to get back on track though he was still a little elusive at times but i had to trust him. Two years ago we married as he wanted to work in the middle east to build up some money for our retirement & he wanted me to slow down, look after me & have more time for each other. i was sceptical but he said it was what he wanted as he loved me. We married but the middle east job was a long time coming due to work visas so he took a job in italy which turned out to be rubbish & got him in more debt. whilst he was there he had an affair with an american woman, six months after we were married. i didn''t find out about this until 7 months later by accident. He came home but still insisted we went abroad so he went to Qatar but I stayed home as i couldn''t afford to give up work as i needed to pay the bills. The job wasn''t great & he had to sell items to support himself taking it out on me until it came to the point i had to sell the home to use the equity to prop him up. I packed the house up on my own with the help from my parents & went to stay with them until he said he could afford to support me out there. I continued to work full time to carry on supporting his dream. Things picked up this year & i was due to join him in February/March but my father was taken ill & unfortunately passed away in April. He came home for the funeral & all seemed ok. In July he asked me to join him & got me a job at his place of works as a receptionist, i was elated. i flew out to Qatar & had to go to Dubai three weeks later for training on my own, it was great, i came back to Qatar that weekend but he was very quiet & quite elusive but i didn''t think any thing of it as the stress of what we had been
through did this to him from time to time. The following day he was very offish with me & we had a small row as we never argued believe it or not as he doesn''t like confrontations, i asked him what was wrong & he said he didn''t want me here, he didn''t know why he got me the job & wanted me to go home. I was devastated after all i had done for him & stood by him he was to dash my hopes off a new life. i begged him but he said he just wanted to be on his own & had changed, that was 5 weeks ago, I''m still here as i couldn''t afford to book the flight & he made no offer. I have asked him why time & again, i suspected he had met someone else but i know that in Qatar you can be deported or imprisoned for it but i had to know. Two days ago i confronted him & stood my ground to tell me the truth & he did. He had been seeing a young Filipino since February & she got pregnant, he hadn''t told her he was married so he had to explain to her that i was coming out & we were going to make a go of things here. She had to give up her job & fly back to the phillipines as she wanted to keep the baby because she loved him.
She lost the baby but they have remained in contact & he wants her back out here & me gone. I can''t see how i will get over this he has told me that even if it doesn''t work for them I''m still too old for him now, he is 50. i have lost everything, my home, i gave up my job, i have no money & i just can''t see a way out, I''m so depressed.

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19 Oct 14 #447168 by Action
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I am so sorry to read your story. I was almost 54 when my 31 year marriage fell apart but it sounds as if you have been struggling emotionally and financially for quite some time.

I know your heart is aching but reading through your post, I don''t think your husband is doing you any good at all and you need to start to think seriously about building a new life without him before he drags you down into the gutter. My ex had a fling with a young Indonesian woman so I understand the feeling of being rejected for a younger model. Your husband is playing a very dangerous game. It will take time to sort things out and heal but it is still possible to move on at our age.

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