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trauma bonding

  • ross78
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23 Oct 14 #447424 by ross78
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hi bevina my stbx left only 6 weeks ago and it has effected me the same way, I wasn''t expecting it and I was a good father and husband. I adopted the no contact 3 weeks ago as I was finding any reason to make contact with her it was really difficult for the first week but only 3 weeks in and I don''t feel the need to make contact apart from maybe once a week if I feel weak but I can fight that then it goes away again.
To quote another wiki member tell yourself regularly "You haven''t lost him he has lost YOU" and remember If you chase a dog it will run away, If you walk away from a dog it will chase you, I hope this helps you as it has helped me

all the best, big hugs ((((()))))

  • goldengirl65
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26 Oct 14 #447627 by goldengirl65
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Thanks for all your positive advise. My GP has diagnosed Stockholm Syndrome, I am trying my best to rebuild my life but feel empty.
I have not seen or spoke to my husband for over 3 months, dreading the first Christmas.
I suppose at some point I will have to start Divorce proceedings, dreading that due to his long term cannabis/gambling addiction he is going to make it as difficult as he can.
We have no joint assets but I owned my home before we got together so I pray the pre-nuptial is taken into account, I don''t want to lose my home as well especially to a man who has blatantly been using me, it was a marriage of convenience to him.
I am in such turmoil and feel very alone at the moment.

  • NellNoRegrets
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26 Oct 14 #447643 by NellNoRegrets
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Hallo goldengirl

It does take time, but you will get there. When my ex left I was so conditioned to thinking about him first that I actually worried that he might not be happy with the woman he left me for - how warped was that???!!!!!!!!!!

I now realise that a lot of what I accepted was just his total selfishness. Now I don''t have to think about what he wants/thinks/does. I''m focused on me.

At first I felt a bit like a sponge that''s been squashed out of shape, gradually I sprang back into the person I used to be and everyone was glad to see her back!!!

I''m so much happier now. Being alone can be scary, but it can also be liberating.

It''s a good idea to have something to look forward to all the time - it could be a get-together with friends, or something as mundane as a favourite dvd or tv programme or a bubble bath or chocolate. Just having things to look forward to helps you get through the day.

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