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need hugs

  • goldengirl65
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09 Nov 14 #448747 by goldengirl65
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My husband left early July,with no warning, I found a letter he had applied for housing behind my back. We were married 6 years together 15.
I have put up with alot over the years he is a cannabis/gambling addict, so was very secretive over money. I spent most of my time alone as he went straight to the pc to play poker every evening and every weekend.
I did not want him to leave but has since been told by my GP he has narcissistic traits, he has already left me twice before 2003 and 2007, he just ups and goes then shuts me off with no contact, I have not seen nor spoke to him for over 3 months.
I have been diagnosed with Stockholm Syndrome so am finding life difficult at times, having good days with the bad now.
I want to start Divorce proceedings but dont know where he lives, he is not doing this to me anymore.I have low self esteem so dont know where to start to make new friends, I need to have more in my life than work and home.
I would love a full nights sleep, but wake about 4 times a night. Hope the rollercoaster of emotions get easier.I feel so lonely.

  • NotasStressedDad
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09 Nov 14 #448774 by NotasStressedDad
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Hi

Dont know how to help but sure someone else will on here but sending you some hugs (((()))) as I know how tough it is.

Sleep is really important and something I really struggled with. Ive started having hot baths, reading books and listening to some stress relieving exercises before I go to bed and has improved. Does help and clears the mind a little.

Best wishes

  • Vastra1
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09 Nov 14 #448796 by Vastra1
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I''m sorry to hear you are going through this, it''s unbelievably painful. Your husband clearly has some major problems with addiction & until he tackles them and is honest with you is not going to be a good partner. Like many of us it sounds like you feel that''s all you deserve and have become emotionally dependent on a person who doesn''t treat you well. You deserve better & are better off without him, but I realise that''s cold comfort early on when you are so lonely & hurt. I strongly suggest you get some counselling from a professional. Xx

  • elizadoolittle
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09 Nov 14 #448797 by elizadoolittle
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Welcome and sorry about your situation.

It is miserable, but it can be done. And it will get better.

I have not had more than a couple of hours'' sleep at a time for two years now. I can hardly recommend it but I am living proof that it can be done. (I have tried all kinds of sleeping pills, natural remedies, baths, meditation and the rest to little end).

You will make friends, don''t worry about that, there are dozens of things you can do, and you can tackle some of them now, for company and help if you have none in your existing circle. (try meet ups online for example, or any local groups).

See your GP for poss antidepressants, but also to be referred for therapy or counselling, which is available on the NHS. I am getting both and am so pleased to be getting to know myself better (wish I had had the therapy before, might never have married the scumbag!)

It''s no picnic of course, but the silver lining is that you will get stronger as a result of all this.

There are many on here who have had similar experiences and will be happy to provide support.

Take care x

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11 Nov 14 #448971 by gaian
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Nothing helps. I told my doctor i was suicidal because it seemed to be the logical thing to do if my wife didn''t want me anymore. It would make things easier and more convenient for her.
My doctor asked me if i wanted counselling and they would come to see me at home so i said yes and 4 days later the Crisis Team appeared and instead of counselling they asked me a lot of intrusive questions about my medical history and police record and finances and every aspect of my life and i suddenly realised they weren''t there to counsel me but to take me to the hospital mental unit if they thought it necessary.
Anyway it took my mind off the hurt and what my wife is doing for a little while.
It was frightening as well when i realised that they have the power to just take someone away from their home and lock them up in a hospital.
Now i''m doubly hurt and scared because i feel helpless and powerless. My wife and solicitors and the court on one side and then these new people from the from the NHS who seem to be some nightmare from Kafka.
For sleeping i use a couple of drops of valerian tincture on a sugar lump.
For the mind i draw and paint and perhaps look around your area if there is a local art or painting group you can join. Doesn''t matter about your ability they are usually keen to help.
Sending you lots of hugs xx

  • goldengirl65
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11 Nov 14 #448985 by goldengirl65
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Thanks guys, I have been put on anti-depressants and got counselling. Started to have panic attacks when I leave home so have joined meetup because I dont want to be terrified to go out, I will force myself to go.
I totally get what you are saying gaian, I told my doc I was suicidal in July and had all my pain relief tablets taken off me.Not much help at all.
I dont have solicitors and court yet, as he is an addict he will have no money to pay for a divorce so I will start proceedings when I am in a stronger emotional state.Got to get through my first Christmas in 15 years on my own.

  • esox11
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11 Nov 14 #448988 by esox11
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elizadoolittle wrote:

Welcome and sorry about your situation.

It is miserable, but it can be done. And it will get better.

I have not had more than a couple of hours'' sleep at a time for two years now. I can hardly recommend it but I am living proof that it can be done. (I have tried all kinds of sleeping pills, natural remedies, baths, meditation and the rest to little end).

You will make friends, don''t worry about that, there are dozens of things you can do, and you can tackle some of them now, for company and help if you have none in your existing circle. (try meet ups online for example, or any local groups).

See your GP for poss antidepressants, but also to be referred for therapy or counselling, which is available on the NHS. I am getting both and am so pleased to be getting to know myself better (wish I had had the therapy before, might never have married the scumbag!)

It''s no picnic of course, but the silver lining is that you will get stronger as a result of all this.

There are many on here who have had similar experiences and will be happy to provide support.

Take care x


Living proof indeed ED. Great to see you coming through.

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