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Really struggling

  • WinterBaby
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23 Nov 14 #449888 by WinterBaby
Topic started by WinterBaby
Hi,

I need a bit of help from you guys.

I''m really struggling with my emotions at the moment. When I start crying I get so distressed and I find it hard to stop. The emotional pain is excruciating and I can''t seem to get rid of it.

I''m doing all the right things - counselling, relaxation classes, healthy meals, medication, divorce group, seeing friends etc but I''m tired of all this sadness.

Does anyone have any tips to make it easier to deal with?

Thanks

  • polar
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23 Nov 14 #449891 by polar
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Hi believe me when I say you are going through standard crap of a break up.

Most on here have gone through this in the early stages and I felt exactly the same. Now I look back and wonder why I felt like this. Only one person did this to you.
It was the sheer betrayal by the other party of your trust. When the other party departs they take all your secrets with them and I used to imagine them discussing and laughing about me.
Your confidence evaporates. It doesn''t disappear. It takes a back seat for a while and will come back.
You say you are doing the right things.
Yes and no.
I personally must have driven everyone nuts and pill popped. But just like going to sleep at night the basic fact is that in the morning you wake up and it hasn''t gone away.
The mind runs around in circles imagining all sorts of scenarios and reconstructs events which probably didn''t happen. It conjours up every conceivable outcome of the situation. Thats just how the mind works. 99% of these things didn''t or won''t happen.

Hard though it might sound the recovery starts when you realise that no matter how many pills you take, how many friends you bore to death (and often who give totally wrong advice) , how many support groups you attend, or healthy meals you eat that the basic fact is that you get on the road to recovery when you realise that it is YOU and only YOU who can drag yourself out of this. And you really do have it within you to do this. You only have to find it.

Oh you might say it is so easy to say and very hard to do. I''m not saying it is easy but you must realise that it is not your fault yet somehow we punish ourselves constantly for it.
Why?
Try reading my post under ''life after divorce; titled ''Going mad''
I was screwing myself into the ground constantly and doing exactly what you are doing now. I could not sleep at night without a self hypnosis tape.

Give yourself some worth. You really are better than you think and maybe you don''t think you have skills at all because you take them for granted. Little things like knowing which key opens which door onwards.

So now is the time to consider what you want to do in life as you can change the future but you cannot change the past.

As others will agree it will get better however slowly but we all survive aand time is the only factor.

So a litle bit of what YOU want to do. Arrange furniture, pictures the way you want them. No asking permission !!!
Paint walls sky blue pink with purple stripes if you want. Throw out any memories (or store them away in a friends garage). Make life yours and nobody elses.

Maybe we get to a point where we learn to rely on someone else toooooo much for our happiness. I had this feeling when my daughter left home and went to uni. Oh dear I sobbed. It was only when someone said she is 2 hours away that I calmed down. I accepted that she had chosen not to live with me any more and I just had to let her go.

Hope some of this puts things into perspective and I am sure other wikis will add their thoughts.

Smile and the world smiles with you. Cry and you cry alone.

  • Home alone feeling better
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23 Nov 14 #449911 by Home alone feeling better
Reply from Home alone feeling better
Afternoon

We on here understand how you are feeling as we have also gone / still going through it. It is a process that your mind and body has to deal with in order to see the light at the end of the tunnel.

It is okey to cry I still cry now and then, it does not take much to upset me. We cry so that we can wash away how we are feeling, then we move on.

You are doing all the right things in looking after yourself. Concentrate on you now I would repeat a little mantra to myself which I found on a thread on here "let it be".....I repeat this over and over and it settles me allows me to breathe again.

The emotional phase will take time there is no one shoe fits all here, we are all different.

Keep ranting and getting support on here PM if I can support further.

Take care ((())).

  • killbill
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23 Nov 14 #449919 by killbill
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Winter is also not a great time, as it''s much easier to get out and about in the warm weather.
Be kind to yourself, yes you are doing good things for yourself, but think what else you could do?
do something out of your comfort zone. Whether it''s going out for a cheap meal on your own or being a volunteer for something.
If you have any spare time that you find yourself thinking too much about things look into volunteering for charity shops or the NHS, and that will take up your time.
I''m not sure how long you are in to your split, but it does take time and you will still get bad days, but eventually the pain will get less. It''s jus a new way of finding something else to channel your strong emotions into.

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23 Nov 14 #449937 by WinterBaby
Reply from WinterBaby
Thanks everyone.

Killbill, I''m 9 weeks into my breakup but it came completely out of the blue so that''s made it harder to deal with.

I can''t move into the anger stage and that isn''t helping. To be honest I think I''m still coping with the shock of everything that''s happened. Does anyone know how to move on from grief to anger?

Lots of people have advised I need to sit through all the crap feelings but it''s draining.

I know this forum and the advice I''m given here is going to help so thanks to everyone in advance.

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23 Nov 14 #449938 by killbill
Reply from killbill
Ok, so still very early.
There isn''t really a magic formula. It will happen but everyone is different.
just remember that we do know how you feel as a lot of us here have been through it.
You just have to hang on to the fact that it will get better.
In the meantime, as I said before,just be kind to yourself and set yourself very small goals to achieve, and if you get bad days don''t try to fight them as it''s actually all part of the healing process.

  • NotasStressedDad
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23 Nov 14 #449943 by NotasStressedDad
Reply from NotasStressedDad
Im 18 months down the line. Just let the emotions be and dont fight them. You are going through grief which is a complicated process as im finding out. There are lots of good books. Pm me if interested. Im meditating in evening which is helpful and having hot baths too. Exercise is really really important if you are healthy enough. Im sweating a lot of the stress out which helps knacker my body and give me a good sleep.

Sending you (()) and take care.

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