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met with him

  • lolitajade
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28 Jan 15 #454758 by lolitajade
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I met him at the pub. I wanted to discuss my feelings as we have two adult children/ grandchild. I wanted to remain amicable.

We split 4.5 years ago through my choice, but we had spent years being unhappy. I was hoping some space would help us. It didn''t he met someone else a year later and I was devastated.

He put in Petition for divorce.

He feels so much resentment towards me for the split but I tried to explain my feelings and reason for me claiming pension. He sort of understood.

I don''t understand why he feels this way as he is happy with gf and her young kids. He was really nice before he met her, then apart from a random Christmas gift 2 years ago (which I did not understand, apart from the fact he saw me looking good at our daughters wedding 2 months before) nothing.

Hopefully, he does not see me as an ogre so much after speaking with him. But can''t help thinking he still resents me. Why???

I am the single party. Is he jealous?? Who knows?? Will this pass in the future?? Is his gf pushing for it??

Many thanks :S

  • mum26
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29 Jan 15 #454762 by mum26
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I would just say that you can''t hope to second guess him. You''ve explained things and now it''s probably time to let it go and move on.

  • Clawed
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29 Jan 15 #454764 by Clawed
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My stbx would like us to be friends in the future, I think this is to support hie view of himself as a good guy although he was the leaver. I have no intention of being friends, he was my husband, I have plenty of friends I don''t need another one. I don''t think I''m bitter but I think polite acquaintances will be as good as it gets and only then when it''s unavoidable, maybe that is how your ex feels . Let it go, you don''t need him to understand to make your new life right for you.

  • Marshy_
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29 Jan 15 #454771 by Marshy_
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lolitajade wrote:


Hopefully, he does not see me as an ogre so much after speaking with him. But can''t help thinking he still resents me. Why???

I am the single party. Is he jealous?? Who knows?? Will this pass in the future?? Is his gf pushing for it??

Many thanks :S


Hi. Not really sure what it is your looking for. You seem to want validation from him? Maybe you feel guilt for dumping him?

It doesnt really matter if he is jealous, sad happy or what his GF thinks or what he thinks of you. You did what you did for the right reasons. And the reasons you did what you did are as valid today as they were back then. There is no need to revisit pain town. He is not some old friend from school where you can laugh about times gone by. He is someone that caused you considerable pain. No need to go there again. Its done with.

Thing is, your 4.5 years gone now and you should be looking towards your future not meeting an ex from 4.5 years ago. You have grown up kids now so its not like you need contact with him.

As for the pension, you supported him while he accrued it. So half of it is rightly yours. Its not like you are rooking him.

Sorry to be harsh with you. But try and look to the future. Not stay stuck in the past and you dont need the guilt or him or to let him know your feelings. Marshy.

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29 Jan 15 #454857 by lolitajade
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Thanks for all your advice.

It is in my personality to want to be nice. He is the father of my children and I do care about him, even if not romantically. My friend feels the same about her husband she is divorcing. It is not about how we portray ourselves or one upmanship. We are just caring people.

That''s what I find hard to deal with, the fact that he resents me and has no expression when he speaks to me, like the lights are out. Like he has a personality transplant just with me.

It is a very sad business and for me the divorce has brought up past emotions of separation, which I was over until the divorce word came out of his mouth.

I know I must move forward and into exciting new adventures ahead of me but it is so sad, that you had so many happy years with a man who now doesn''t give a monkeys whether he never sees you again and probably wishes he didn''t.

It will be good to draw a line I know just a roller coaster ride getting there.

I gave up second guessing on separation and I am guilty of it again. I must make lots of plans and things to look forward to.

I am sure I am Jekyll and Hyde. One day positive, a few days later down and wallowing in the past, even dreams of him.

Thanks all

:P

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