A well respected, award winning social enterprise
Volunteer run - Government and charity funded
We help 50,000 people a year through divorce

01202 805020

Lines open: Monday to Friday 9am-5pm
Call for FREE expert advice & service info

Do you need help sorting out a fair financial settlement?

Our consultant service offers expert advice and support to help you reach agreement on a fair financial settlement quickly, and for less than a quarter of the cost of using a traditional high street solicitor.


Memories

  • elizadoolittle
  • elizadoolittle's Avatar
  • Platinum Member
  • Platinum Member
More
24 Apr 15 #460346 by elizadoolittle
Reply from elizadoolittle
Hi - sending hugs too.

I know what it''s like. We all do. What I take away from your post is that it is incredibly early days for you still.

We''re all different of course, but for me, it took about two years before I stopped thinking about HIM all the time, and wailing HOW COULD HE every minute of the day (even if silently).

I think that the answer is to get help for you, concentrate on you and your recovery. People said that to me and I really had no idea what they meant. I was not sure there WAS a ''me'' beyond pain, disbelief and despair. I had therapy for a year (then had to stop because it was on the NHS and limited) and found it absolutely invaluable in coming to terms with this stuff. I have become a much better and happier and saner person than I was not just post bombshell, but pre.

And I can''t say I never think about him, or that we are friends. Not at all. But I am OVER him. If I can do it, so can you xxxx

  • NellNoRegrets
  • NellNoRegrets's Avatar
  • Platinum Member
  • Platinum Member
More
26 Apr 15 #460416 by NellNoRegrets
Reply from NellNoRegrets
Hi and (((hugs)))

It''s been nearly 6 years since my ex moved out to live with someone else. I spent 3 months crying, was on anti-depressants for months, had 8 months of counselling.

Now? Although I''ve been diagnosed with an ultimately fatal medical condition:( I feel healthy and happy. I''ve had to cope with some family deaths:( and look after our sons who were 14 and 16 at the time my ex left. It has been tough - I''ve had to deal with blocked loos, a burst water cylinder and various issues with the house. But I have my Mum, my sons and wonderful friends and workmates.

My ex? He left the woman he left me for as he couldn''t stand her children. They had an on-again-off-again relationship for a while and now they have finally parted. His parents are both dead, his only sibling committed suicide last year. Our sons don''t have much contact - younger son will go out with him now and then because he feels sorry for him. When I see him he spends all his time telling me about what a great time he''s having out at the pub (can''t bear to be in his flat on his own).
He had his 60th birthday last week - I don''t know who he had to celebrate it with him, certainly his sons didn''t.

I don''t have a man in my life (except my sons) but I am so much happier now. I spent my marriage trying to keep my ex happy, something I realise now I couldn''t do. It was exhausting.

It will get better. Don''t focus on what you have lost or what fun your ex is having. Make plans for you - just have very simple things to look forward to - a fancy cup of coffee, a favourite dvd, a picnic in the garden. Enjoy something every day, time is precious.

  • NellNoRegrets
  • NellNoRegrets's Avatar
  • Platinum Member
  • Platinum Member
More
26 Apr 15 #460417 by NellNoRegrets
Reply from NellNoRegrets
Hi and (((hugs)))

It''s been nearly 6 years since my ex moved out to live with someone else. I spent 3 months crying, was on anti-depressants for months, had 8 months of counselling.

Now? Although I''ve been diagnosed with an ultimately fatal medical condition:( I feel healthy and happy. I''ve had to cope with some family deaths:( and look after our sons who were 14 and 16 at the time my ex left. It has been tough - I''ve had to deal with blocked loos, a burst water cylinder and various issues with the house. But I have my Mum, my sons and wonderful friends and workmates.

My ex? He left the woman he left me for as he couldn''t stand her children. They had an on-again-off-again relationship for a while and now they have finally parted. His parents are both dead, his only sibling committed suicide last year. Our sons don''t have much contact - younger son will go out with him now and then because he feels sorry for him. When I see him he spends all his time telling me about what a great time he''s having out at the pub (can''t bear to be in his flat on his own).
He had his 60th birthday last week - I don''t know who he had to celebrate it with him, certainly his sons didn''t.

I don''t have a man in my life (except my sons) but I am so much happier now. I spent my marriage trying to keep my ex happy, something I realise now I couldn''t do. It was exhausting.

It will get better. Don''t focus on what you have lost or what fun your ex is having. Make plans for you - just have very simple things to look forward to - a fancy cup of coffee, a favourite dvd, a picnic in the garden. Enjoy something every day, time is precious.

  • pisceslady
  • pisceslady's Avatar
  • Junior Member
  • Junior Member
More
27 Apr 15 #460471 by pisceslady
Reply from pisceslady
Love the post from Avonleas. There is nothing quite like a welsh Cwtch. So Cwtches all round. I''m living in hell at the moment too.Feeling more than terrible. I know one day it will all be behind me. Karma will sort out my Husband and his ugly new partner. xxxx

  • Lymm
  • Lymm's Avatar Posted by
  • Elite Member
  • Elite Member
More
27 Apr 15 #460512 by Lymm
Reply from Lymm
Ha ha pisceslady, my ex s lady looks the same, even my sons mates said she looks like someone''s granny! Not sure if that makes me feel better or worse., although they did call me a milf. Don''t you just love sixteen year olds.
We will get there, I know I will. Financially I will fight to get me and the kids what we deserve, after twenty years of pandering to him and putting up with his bullying I deserve it.
He needs a divorce quickly as needs to marry her to stay in America so gives me some bargaining power, he either pays up or it goes to court costing him time and money!! Yes some might say what a ***** but he left me the week before my fiftieth and has made my life a living hell. Payback is a bitch

Moderators: wikivorce teamrubytuesdaydukeyhadenoughnowTetsSheziLinda SheridanForsetiMitchumWhiteRoseLostboy67WYSPECIALBubblegum11